I am not even sure if my H ever was having a MLC now. A lot has happened since I last posted. At first I thought he was making great strides to "right" himself and get better. He reached out to make sure I knew he was taking some action.
Well, tonight the bottom fell out of any hope I had left. He has not yet come to get puppy but now he wants to, and he would like it to be permanent. Meaning, no more seeing one another. He told me he is in a relationship with a woman he met on the internet, and has been with her for 2 months now. She lives close by him. He told me he went away last week on his own to think very hard about what he would do. He wants to move on. He said he's been alone now for a year, and he is ready to move on with his life. He told me to do the same with mine. He doesn't feel the same about me anymore, and he said he didn't love me anymore when he left 3 years ago. He apologized for not being man enough to tell me the truth when he left in the first place; he just thought I'd get mad enough to leave him. He's telling his new gf that his working so much caused problems for us, and that he messed everything up between us. That's all he's saying. To me, it looks like people will think I left him not the other way around. That hurts me deeply. He no longer thinks it is appropriate for him to come up to see me; he asked me to meet him halfway when he picks up puppy. He still seems so angry about his financial situation. However, he told me that he will no longer condemn himself for what happened, and it's time to put it behind him and move on. I guess that is why he is dating someone new. He feels we should divorce. I do believe he plans to move towards that. It could be that the new gf is pushing the issue; I don't know.
I don't feel very well tonight. I thought this had stopped hurting a long time ago. Guess not.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
None of us ever knew where our journey we never asked for would take us. Even when we think we have finally learned, we hit a fork in the road. We see signs telling us to turn left and then find signs saying road closed ... detour. New journey. How many miles to go? We just never know.
This may be a major change in direction for you. It may not be the end of the journey, but a new route you must take for now. What you do with what you have now been told is up to you at this point. You have seen many threads where the WAS thinks they know what they want, and then flip right back.
Not trying to say to stand. No one can tell you when to do so, or for how long. Just saying if he wants a D, and a new life with GF ... it is your choice right now to file or force him to step up. I won't say "man up" as in this case it does not seem to fit.
Or you can prepare to shed any doubt or blame you may think others will lay upon you, and bring this to an end. It takes two to make a M. One alone can't make it happen. One alone can destroy it. One alone may do what is needed to begin the painful closure.
Yes, it is and will continue to be painful longer than you ever suspected. It will linger and sneak up on you often. And then, after some time passes, it will do so less often and with less impact each time. The detaching you learned during the years of limbo will need to be redirected to the D if one is filed. It does not need to be a judgement of your M, just a change in direction to an undiscovered destination that you are now better prepared to treasure when you find it.
I am sorry you are feeling bad. Leave him alone for now. He changed his mind once, he can change it again. Move on, let go. No one knows what is going to happen.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Hey hope, you go way back then with me when we got here in 05. I'm sorry he has decided to D an move on. We will get assaulted with painful bouts, but as with S, they get less intense, a bit less as months go by (well, it's barely 3wks for me that H wants a D)
Yeah, there's gotta be a script out there, my H prob borrow your H's, we had the mutual S so he can right himself, then turns out he stopped loving me and was too scared to tell me the truth.
Hugs)))))))))))))))) perhaps, just maybe, this is what you need to move on, you've hang on for so long.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hi Hope, Whoa...hang on to that inner strength of yours! Its inside of you.
Your H sounds like a MLC'er. He's also in denial. Further, if it was *true* love, why did he ponder to leave you? Secondly, if he *loves* Internet avatar, why would he lie about the reason for the D?
It amazes me how a person can jump from one relationship to another without ending the primary! If that person divorces, and marries another, s(he)'ll carry the problems INTO that new relationship. Therefore, same situation but different spouse. I doubt that his new R will last! Only time will tell. So brighten up! YOU are MORE precious than a home-wrecker.
Your choice is to go dark, GAL, and pray.
I'm so sorry to hear about H's speech last night. I know, the pain is surreal. However, he could change his mind. On the brighter side, you are wiser since this hell started.
I commend you for taking a stand for your marriage. It takes a virtuous, loving spouse to do so.
I know I don't have the answers, because I'm still searching for them myself. BUT, you have to do what feels right for you. In my sitch, I will not move towards D until my H deals with what is going on with HIMSELF. If D happens, it is his choice, and his responsibility and I have told him this.
My H is still at home, making everything so strange and like living a nightmare everyday. I know my H thinks D will be easy, and easier than facing his own issues. I refuse to let him do this his way.
Hang in there Hope, do what's best for you. Do something for YOU this weekend.
(((Hope)))
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
