Well, seems like to me that another opportunity was given to you and you handled it quite well. You were able to say how you felt and it seems to me that H heard what you said. He may not have responded like you would want him to but I think it gave him some more to think about.
TOH, I started a new thread on the Prayer Circle called is the glass have full or half empty...or something to that effect. You have a lot going for you. Even your H said some good things about the farm and that you don't have to leave. Just keep things going as they are and try to be friendly. You don't have to be his friend right now if you don't want to but just try to be friendly.
Wow, I don't read for a few days and look what happens. I really don't know what to say TOH. Hmmmm I hope you gave her a black eye.
TOH you really need to get a grip. Have you really listened to all the advice we have given you?
You really need to let go girl. What you are doing will do you NO good. Why do you insist on hanging on for dear life as if the world has collapsed or will end if H is not in your life.
What is it that you are really afraid of. Face that fear!
I am telling you buy the latest book by Eckart Tolle "A New Earth". It is so awesome. It's life changing. It will be the best $10 you will ever spend. Maybe after reading it, you can finally let go!
Hugs and peace!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
TOH - I have been lurking tonight and that part of your thread title caught my eye and reminded me of something I heard once...that when we ask God for patience, what if instead He gives us opportunities to BE patient?
The title of your thread served up a timely reminder for me and I'm not a person that believes in coincidence.
H came out this morning to do chores. I was in the living room when he came in and for once, I didn't go right out to the kitchen. I figured if he needed/wanted to talk to me he could ask. Well he didn't, so finally I went out. Not too much was said between us and he cannot look me in the eye. That's okay, he shouldn't be able to IF he has a concience left.
He worked on the farm for a couple of hours today. That was good to see.
He talked to N14 when he was here but didn't see D16 as she was still in bed. After he left he called her to tell her Happy Easter.
Later he called D16 told her and N14 to stop at his place after Easter at my B's. Called her again later to tell her he was out to the farm watering cows but would be right back. Told her to maybe pick up a movie that they could watch.
VERY FIRST time he has invited them into his place. ABSOLUTELY wonderful! And about time!!
I may not be able to be with my H the rest of my life but maybe at least God will see to it that my D and N will get to have a realationship with him. Although D16 says that if he stays with OW that he can kiss her goodbye, but I also know that time can heal alot of hurts. So I pray that IF he does end up with OW that D will one day accept her. But I can also understand if she doesn't.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Do you ever get the feeling that you are so totally fooling yourself. That you are stuck in wishing for what you can't have and what will never be. That reality has left you. That reality is telling you that you H is gone and never coming back. He has made it very clear that he is done with you. Never waivered. But your love for him is keeping you blind to the facts and you are living in neverland.
My prayers seem to be going unanswered...
My hopes are leaving me...
Things just keep getting worse instead of better...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Do you ever get the feeling that you are so totally fooling yourself. That you are stuck in wishing for what you can't have and what will never be. That reality has left you.
We all feel this way at times...but we need to think beyond this...that our spouses may not come back, but we are giving them the opportunity to work through their issues so see if someday we can create a new R/M.
toh, this takes time. It is hard to remember that sometimes. This just isn't easy. But have you ever thought about how many WAS's eventually decide that they have made a mistake? This is why you go on with your life and try to be happy being on your own. Let go and time will give you the answers you are looking for.
Quote:
My hopes are leaving me...
You need to focus on you and your D and N. Try not to think about if you have hope or not. I have some positives in my sitch but I have to keep my hope to a minimun. If I dwell on that hope, I find that I have expectations.
One thing I have learned out of this experience is that we can gain more control in our own lives by just changing our perspective. You can always try to something positive in almost any situation...which is the opposite of what our spouses are doing...they seem to be looking for the negative.
He has made it very clear that he is done with you. Never waivered.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE TAE A SURVEY OF HOW MANY GOT THIS SAME SCENARIO????
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I have no idea what is going on...are they still w/each other...has he contacted a L...is he going to file...will his check be in the bank Friday...????
Have heard he's cut back on the drinking this week, well he hasn't sit at BIL's every day like he had been. Only there this morning after work and for only a couple of hours. Of course that is good.
I have an appointment with a lawyer Tuesday. Just going to talk to him for now. Maybe see about protection for myself and the girls.
I have been reading here every day. I read how most of you have for the most part pleasant contact with your H's. Most of you can ignore that he has an OW. Most of you are caring on a friendship with your WAS. HOW!?!?! How do you get to that point? How can the thought of him with OW not drive you to act? How do I get back to being able to be a friend to my H? Today I was thinking that if I could just let go of the fact that he is totally disrespecting me by being with her, and if he could get over his anger towards me, then we could maybe be friends again. But how?
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
You were able to say how you felt and it seems to me that H heard what you said.
Yes, but it's looking like none of it did anygood whats so ever.
I just don't get how you can spend 24 years with someone and in one day decide you hate them and never want to be with them again. How can they not care about you or how you are hurting? So many of you say that your H's say "I love you, but not in love with you". So many say that your H's say "I'm sorry".
Mine just one day said "I don't love you anymore, and I don't want to try and fix it, get it in your head". And never once has he said I'm sorry or asked me how I am, or even acted like he worries or even cares...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
