Hey Randy, What if instead of avoiding her completely... you just put your efforts into making every interaction whith her positive and light.
Remove the pressure... not your presence.
It does seem that you ask her to go out on a "date" quite often and she says no... not yet alot. And it seems that you also continually ask her for clarification of where you stand with her... again she has no answer... or at least not the answer you want to hear.
IMHO your reminding her that you will not wait forever is a little like a threat and makes it seem that you have big expectations attached to your efforts. I don't deny your frustration... I'm right there with you!!
I think anybody in a situation where they are feeling confusion will only stay in their state of inertia when presented with any kind of percieved pressure to take a stand and decide.
I don't mean to beat up on you... just offering my 2 cents.
Thanks for you're reply,we had a ok weekend after a stormy friday.XW came and got some of her stuffthat was let at my house becauseshe was pissed after one of those damn OR talks that always sneak up on me.But that night she called and sked if I needed any empty boxes and I thanked her but said no.As the world turns so does she.She went shopping and ate dinner with me and the kids saturday and then when I took the girls to her on sunday I stayed and ate dinner and then she wanted to go shopping,so we ended up spending the afternoon together and I went back last night to pick up one of my kids and she asked me to rub her back because it was bothering her.I really think she is just as scared of being apart as I am.I did tell her friday that I just didn't know what her expetations were of me and she said she didn't either thats what the problem was.wait and see wait and see
nice of you to drop by my thread over in Surviving..
you asked if the XW finds reasons to contact me if I don't her (or something like that - kids make it hard to focus today)...
yes and no...when om wasn't around our situation was much like yours..divorced and hanging out and doing things (dinner, groceries, etc..). When om came into the picture, XW became distant and totally involved in her new relationship. I didn't exist at that point and couldn't do anything right. So I didn't - I've layed low as i can and removed myself from her drama. Especially lately since the om was without a job and always around. Now that he has found another job (his 3rd since 'they' began) - she is starting to come round and do 'strange' things again. I don't really know if its because of the relationship we have with the kids - or if she can't truly let go. The best thing I have done is extract myself from it all and foucs on my life. If I sit and try to analyze it and try to get into her head, it only drives me crazy - and hits my PMA hard.
In your sit., I would continue the road you are on but pull slowly away..focus on your life. Through your actions show the X that you can and will survive on your own (so to speak). This MAY make her think she wants to be part of your life enough to push her to take action. Just a few thoughts. but I'm not really sure of things myself.
Well another good but confusing weekend.XW and I and the kids spent quite abit of time together and all went good.I am backing off quite a bit and giving more space.It looks like she will be taking the girls on vacation without me but oh well we will be together next year.
Well we spent yet another good weekend together.One of the kids was sick so she brought her over at 2 in the mornign both mornings and stayed the rest of the night and went home the next day to take a shower and then came back.We ate supper saturday night and both meals sunday at my house.It's funny because if she wants something she just goes and gets it or if she wants to cook she just does it.Hell if she wants to move furniture she does that too.She stayed until 9:00 last night and went back to her apt.She says she isn't ready to work on anything yet but she did hint that she was trying to get some feelings.She is taking the kids and nephews and a girlfriend and her kids on vacation in a couple of weeks.I haven't made a big deal about it.I have decided to leave the day after she gets back to go to New Mexico hunting for a week somaybe the time apart will do some good.I think I will offer to let her stay at the house so she can take care of the dog and the girls can have their stuff.I really think that she wants to come back someday,if I can wait that long.It's weird for a XW to do all these things unless she wants something in the future.
Well XW and the family are gone for a week on vacation.I didn't do to bad I spent 2 evenings getting stuff ready and then loaned her all kinds of stuff she needed.Did I get a think you,hell no.She was just like her old self before ADs.I did tell her that I would miss them and that I loved her.I gues by the the time she gets back and then I get back something could change either she won't miss me or she will.Pretty weird for an XW that we all went out to eat or shopping 3 nights last week.I wish could figure them out.
Your XW pisses me off and heres why. She doesn't respect you and is taking you for granted. That no "Thank you" stuff is just wrong because it shows disrespect for you as a human being. This time apart is perfectly timed. She neeeds to learn to appreciate and quickly. Don't bring up the lack of appreciation just quick doing the "extras". That is the only way she might realize it. If you mention it you know you are in for a fight. One more thing, don't woory about whether she misses you or not. It doesn't matter for your sitch. She is probably so self-absorbed right now that she won't. She will very caught up having fun as will you when you go on your trip. Do your best to completely put aside your R for 2 weeks. There is nothing you can do about it but obsess while she is gone. What are you hunting for? I am a big hunter from the midwest and am going out west next fall with my dad.
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