The game continues,my XW and I just got back from getting a big above ground pool that she bought and is putting in my yard.After this and vacation last week I just don't know for sure what she is thinking.I want to touch her,just put my arm around her but I can't get up the nerve and I don't know if she will make the first move or not.Would a XW do these things if she wasn't thinking about coming back?
You and I both have "weird" ones. What they have told us and they do are polar opposite. Mine is talking about future "us" plans, has done major landscaping herself, talks about our anniversary party several times a week, tells me and shows me how sexy she thinks I am yet just last week said she is very unsure about our relationshipship and doesn't love me. Go figure. Wait her out but also take a chance once in awhile. You have been very conservative with her (I have followed your thread for awhile) maybe it is time for a little change of tactic. No one knows her like you do, go with your gut.
T Thanks for the reply,maybe I need to do something different.Things are so much better but we still can't have OR talks,I can calm them down now and end them without a problem.I can't figure why she won't go on a date.We go shopping and out to eat with the kids and we can go to lunch during the day.She won't do anything physical like hugging.I did e-mail her and told her that if she did want to come back I didn't care if she kept her apt.until she felt comfortable and that she could sleep in a different bed for awhile,nothing would happen until she was ready.Tonight I have to set up the new above ground pool she bought for my backyard and she mentioned yesterday that she would like to quit work but "we" couldn't afford it."We" are D so if she isn't coming back why does she keep doing these weird things?,I guess only she knows.
Another great weekend together.From friday night until sunday night except during sleeping hours we were together.XW cooked a couple of meals over at the house and we just hung out.
Here is some food for thought. Could the hurdle in your relationship be W guilt over EA/PA and wanting to end the M? If so, have you ever addressed it at all? She enjoys spending time with you but maybe she doesn't feel worthy (ready) for a R because of that. I have no clue how to work that into a dinner conversation but maybe explicit forgiveness from you would help her to forgive herself. This is a big reach and major speculation on my part but maybe it could be an answer. My W flat told me if she had an A she did not think she could forgive herself. That was a major reason I snooped and interviened when I thought she might cross the line. Big gamble but I got lucky to stop it.
I guess you could either address it, address it and try to help her through it, or wait her out. I certainly don't understand why she doesn't want a "date" with you. You two practically live together now. My call is she is very near the top but just can't clear the peak. Have fun with the new pool!!
I think she is close too and thats why I wished we hadn't ever gotton the D.Her attitude and threats is what forced me into it.It is hard because she was never very touchy touchy like holding hands or anything like that before and now when we need to be easing into a more intimate relationship thats what we need.The AD she is on takes away alot of your sex drive and that may be good until I know she is back for sure and then I can worry about that afterall a few more months I should be able to consider myself a virgin again.Have a great week
My W says "weird" things too. During a conversaton on the phone a few weeks back she mentioned her parents going on holiday for a week in October, to take their 3 year old grandaughter to Grand Canaria. W said she'd like to go and I mentioned who would mind the dogs? She said she forgot about them and then said would you like too come? Then saying or would you like to mind the dogs? I paused and replied, do you realise what you have just said? I said I would love to go. W said, oh sorry I am a little tired. It was 945pm. How do you figure this out? OM is involved and October is a long way off. This is by far the weirdest situation in our 16 months separation. My Wifes 'sayings', 'thoughts' are all over the place...hmmmmmm
Together 89
W30/H36
M/Sept2000
S/Jan2001
OM involved during S
WAS has stalled on D?
Now D'd March 2004
I am going to give up trying to figure her out,she was at my house when I got home and stayed and cooked supper and stayed until 10:00.I just wish she could give some affection.That really makes it hard to watch her go home every night.
I really wish I had some decent advice but I still think there is a distinct reason for her getting held up at this point in your reconciliation. Is there anyway you two could talk about that? My only other thought is to just tell her how attracted you are to her.
I have tried to talk to her and as usual OR talks are bad.I think I just need to let her soak things in for a while and see what she does.It seems to me like she is bringing more to my house than what she is moving out and considering she never moved her stuff out in the first place you wouldn't think we were D.I believe that DBing works and has help my R 10 times more than the conseler.Alot of it seems crazy and the one left behind is usually saying no way will that work but it does.Good luck
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