BobbiJo, You haven't said if your H has found an IC yet. He is obviously suffering from depression. I don't think it is something you can push. However, he did tell you he was going to start after he moved. Maybe your ILs can bring it up w/ him.
I bought myself a band that says live, love, laugh. I still have on my W ring, but I wear it as a little PMA reminder. (opps I typed PMS first. Like a need a reminder for that )
No, he has not started IC yet. He says he needs to go, needs to get himself figured out. I asked him last night in one of our R convos if he had found an IC. That pushed the anger button and I got an earful about how he has worked 2 weeks non-stop 6 am to 7 pm with an overwhelming new job and spent weekends working on the house in Kansas City.....so he just didn't have time yet dammit!
Of course in hindsight I am wondering how he always made time to text and call OW during work, even his first week at the new job, but no time to call a counselor???? This week he is out of state Mon-Thurs for work so he won't call until next week, probably. So frustrating.
I am aware of the temptations that are out there. Fortunately (?) I have my kids with me everywhere I go almost, so no one approaches me. But once I am out in the "working world", teaching next year, I am already thinking about making friends, going out with the girls from work, things like that. And I wonder what could happen. Word gets around in a small town, and my hometown is 5,000 people. So if I move into a separate place in May, all my old friends will know it in no time. So if there are any old single friends, etc. out there who knows what could come my way. I am not ready for any of it but I see the value of having someone treat you like a princess instead of like a nuisance.... So I am trying to be eyes wide open....
I bought me a three band ring last month, to wear where I had my wedding band. One band for each month we were appart. Now I have to buy another one and the way it goes I won't be able to bend my finger pretty soon...
Interesting idea Kalni, but like you I would probably have too many bands eventually! Since H hasn't even started counseling, it could be another year before he has his act together and I don't know if I can wait that long. If a fortune teller could PROMISE me that one year from today we would be together, more solid and committed than ever, I would try to wait. But I have no idea and no guarantees.....
So I keep saying that I have had the worst day of my life, and then I top it.... Tonight I had the worst 10 minutes of my life. Time to put S to bed. He wants in my bed. I say no, if you lay w/me whenever daddy is gone you will lay w/me every night & you need to be able to sleep in your own bed. [Previously when H traveled for work I would let S sleep in my bed] I don't want him in the habit of sleeping with me every night b/c that would be going backwards, over the past 4 months we just got him OUT of our bed on a recurring basis....
Anyway I got into his bed, said I would lay w/him for 10 minutes. He kept saying he wanted in my bed, "I want Mama, I want Mama" he would say in a babyish voice (he is 5 1/2). Then he asked me when we were moving. I said maybe not until his birthday (August). Before I told him we'd move by sissy's birthday (May), b/c I thought it was over w/OW and H had told MC he wanted to fix our marriage. So I was planning on moving into a place WITH H when we got to Iowa in May....So he got SUPER upset, said he didn't want to stay here until his birthday, I had promised him we'd move by sissy's birthday.
[The reason I am changing my mind is b/c as a teacher if I have no job in the summer I can't afford an apartment, since our house will be on the market, we will have a mortgage payment and we can't afford 2 rents (one for me, one for H) on top of that mortgage]
Then as I was stroking his hair and telling him we would figure it out, he started BAWLING!! He was HYSTERICAL! He just kept saying, "I want to live with my mommy AND daddy! I want us to live together in our FAMILY! I want to live with mommy AND daddy!"
WTF am I supposed to say to that?????? We haven't told S anything b/c we were using the "Daddy has to work" excuse for us being apart. When I mentioned that Daddy was taking S to a cattle show all day Saturday and then we would have eggs to hunt on Sunday, he asked, "You AND Daddy will hunt eggs with me?" like he wasn't sure I would come too........clearly he can pick up enough vibes that he knows something is up........
So I truly don't know what to say, since we haven't told S that this is a separation. If it were only for H's job, I could just tell S not to worry, we would be a family again together really soon......I caved for tonight and put S in my bed I just don't want him to feel so sad...
Right now I almost HATE my H for making us go through this. He tells me how much it is hurting him to think of hurting S. Well, HE is the one 1,000 miles away right now. I am the one hearing our S cry. And since S will live w/me the most, I will CONTINUE to be the one who hears him cry...........
I think I should talk about this CALMLY w/H. Don't we need a plan to say something to S??? Like, probably before May? I don't know how I am going to handle it if he starts having crying fits in the night....
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I just don't want him to feel so sad... 