Be the best YOU you can be. Invest in yourself. You are likely spent emotionally, financially, physically, and any other way in your efforts to detatch from you ex.
Take courses, read books, get in shape, join support groups, have a fling, fry bacon in the nude, play nicky-nocky-nine-door, post your ex's contact info on pervy porn groups,.... whatever to get on with your life.
Your ex is probably not worrying about you. Stop worring about him/her.
You will be with you for the rest of your life. Time to take care of you and build for your future. Learn the meaning of acceptance... here is a link about acceptance that has been very helpful to me... http://anonpress.org/FAQ/files/read.asp?fID=32
Get over it! Find a way. It is not easy but it is fabulous from this side! Yeeeee-haaaaaa!
Learn about yourself and your self-defeating ways. We all have them in some measure and it is a life-long pursuit to bring them to the surface and deal with them. But as we grow we gain freedom. YES FREEDOM! Freedom from the hurt "they" once caused us.
My word of wisdom is look forward, not back. You are worth it and there is a ton of life to live!
I’m with Chazz, do whatever it takes to detach, build a bridge and get over it. Look ahead and not back, that’s why cars have big windshields and small rear view mirrors… right?
ALL
"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
Or you could try what I tried... namely getting really, really drunk for about 3 years and developing a wicked cocaine problem in the midts of it all.
Or you can take my word for it that it was a huge mistake that almost cost me my life, my kids, my finances, and my family. Of 3 guys I got to know in that life that once had good jobs and families, one is dead, the other is living on the streets, and I was fortunate enough to make it back and rebuild. So at best, 1 in 3 chance.
So dont go there. If you have found yourself there or are tempted to go there.... let me know.... I am happy to share what I have learned and experienced.
So I think I will go back to my original point as ALL6785 concurred.... Look forward not back. Move on. Dont stay stuck in pain. It is not easy but it is POSSIBLE with the right effort.
Regular Exercise. I can't stress enough the importance of this!
I tried a lot of things. However, I don't feel that things took a strong turn for the better until I started exercising on a regular basis. I've even seen this in others around me who are going through divorce. Certainly, good counselling is needed. Also eat well, rest well, and many others. Nevertheless, if you don't get some sort of regular, physical activity going in your life you'll be handicapping yourself and your recovery.
It's usually best if it's an activity that is cardiovascular in nature. Roughly 3x a week and around 20 minutes each, or something similar (start slow though.) It's even better if it is something you enjoy or something you can do while doing something else. Gives it staying power. I know for myself I got an elliptical trainer so I could watch Sci Fi TV while getting a good workout. I've since thrown weights in there with other stuff as well. I know another that's taken to frequent mowing of his 2 acre lawn. (Ooo, that one's gotta hurt...)
Some might say they don't have time for this. Really though, especially when going through something like divorce the real question here is can you afford not to? Trust me, if you've been inactive through this you'll be surprised at how much better you feel once you get going on this,
Coyote.
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
Guys (and maybe the girls) we are still not listening. Listen to ourselves, to our friends, family, co-workers and yes, even the dreaded x. I suspect we have fallen into the old trap of forming responses without listening, coming up with defenses or thinking about something completely different. (What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?)
READ
Read something completely new, something you never even consider reading. Go back and read some of the High School and College stuff you hated. Recently read "1984", "Slaughterhouse Five" and "Seize the Day."
GO SOMEWHERE DIFFERENT
I'm not suggesting Cuba. Next time you are out and about, go in a store you've never been in. For those of you with lives and time, go see a movie you would never dream of seeing. Watched "Crash" last weekend.
TRY SOMETHING OLD OR NEW
Start walking or running again. Or writing. Go to the Y and take a class. Or find a class at the local community College. Or 3. Finishing up Statistics, after taking Algebra and Math Applications.
MAKE A DAILY GOAL (and complete it)
Even a small one. Spend only 1 hour online. Write 3 pages in the next Great American Novel. Read with your children. Walk a mile. Clean out the junk drawer in the kitchen. Just one small goal; make sure to complete it everyday. I know I am going in some many directions, I feel most days I complete nothing.
TURN OFF THE TV
Go outside. Rake the leaves. Mow the yard. Plant some flowers. Throw the football. Lie in the driveway and look at the sky. Listen to the air.
GO A WHOLE MINUTE, HOUR, DAY WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THE X.
This seemed impossible not very long ago, did it not? But now, like many memories and thoughts and people and places of our past, they slip quietly into the place for old memories we bring out on a sad day and dust off and wonder?
MOVE THE FURNITURE IN THE HOUSE
CLEAN A CLOSET
FIND SOMETHING YOU ENJOY
If your current career (or lack of one) is not working, think about what you truly want and start moving in the direction. Yes, it is a BIG risk. But it is no more of a risk than being miserable and suffering daily and monthly. Research on the internet, ask people. Stop listening to the critics and listen to yourself.
Life is immeasurably difficult and divorce made it exponentially so. If we envisioned this, we probably would not have signed up. Everything we thought we knew and believed and understood was wrong. We can sit and wallow and talk about the injustice (and I do) or we slowly, imperceptibly move forward.
Major changes have already shocked us, no need to dynamite the whole life process just yet. So moving to Alaska to "live deliberately" might seem enticing, remember there is not internet or ESPN in the Yukon. _________________________
This a great post thank you. I am not Divorced yet but, this helps me greatly as of right now. Peaches
Me 48 H 54 Together 30 yrs M 29 yrs S 24 s 17 EA 10-2007 Denies it every happened
Second, I would highly recommend getting out and meeting people of the opposite sex. Go to church, the gym, a singles group, a cooking class, etc.......Even though you are probably not ready for a relationship, I personally found it helped restore my faith in women.
Some of you may not be ready to even ponder this. However, this is something I believe you must keep in mind. No matter what, please, please, please remember there are still good people out there who value relationships and marriage. No matter what your spouse did, good people still exist. When the time is right for you, I pray you are willing to open yourself up again.
I hope and pray you find all the best in your life.
Take Care,
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 07/23/0808:34 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
