He filed.

[Ophelia]

My long story short:
H left Oct 3 '06. I don't believe he was with anyone before he moved out, but in Jan '07 he said in an email that he was "seeing someone", and they've been together ever since. Turns out she's an old school friend of his, and the daughter of one of MIL's best friends. OW split from her H right after giving birth to their first child, who my H now gets to play daddy to, (we didn't have any kids).

We hadn't seen each other or spoken, (just communicated via email and txt) since Christmas Eve '06, until a few weeks ago when he needed to get our M certificate for a security clearance at his new job, (which involves working with the Air Force), so he came to pick it up. He was here for about an hour and it was all very casual and friendly.

He came back today to drop the M certificate back, and there was more casual chit chat, then just before he left:

H: I know this is awkward, but I've started the D proceedings.
Me: *silence*
H: I'd serve you with the papers myself, but I'm not allowed to, so rather than have a stranger do it, Tony has said he can do it. I just wanted to tell you about it.
Me: Well at least not it won't be a nasty surprise.
H: Well, it'll still be nasty, but yeah, I didn't want it to just be sprung on you. Are you OK?
Me: Not really, but there's not much I can do about it I suppose.
H: I know it's nothing to be proud of.
Me: *mocking cheering* Yay, 30 and divorced!
H: We're not alone in that regard though.
Me: That doesn't make it any better, just means the whole world is sad. So when will it all be official?
H: The hearing is on April 22. You don't have to be there, it's just a formality really. Anyway, like I said, I just wanted to tell you myself.
Me: Thanks.
H: Take care.
Me: Can I get a hug?
H: Of course.

I didn't start crying until right now typing it all out.

At least he wasn't mean about it, and tried to break it to me gently. He still knows it's not what I want. I can only assume he's getting the D now so he'll be free to start a family with and/or M OW.

I don't want to be 30 and D.
I want my H back, but it all just seems impossible now.

[saffie]

I clicked on your link and came over. I am so sorry it has come to this.

((((HUGS))))

[Ophelia]

Thanks, saffie.

Right before he got in his car he said that he expected I'd still keep in touch with his mum. I managed to sqeak out an, "I hope so", and only later did it occur to me that maybe his saying that was meaning that he doesn't even want to keep in contact with me at all from now on.

I just don't know what to do. It feels like the first day he left all over again. I'm not even sure how I got through that the first time, and now I'm gonna have to do it all over again?

[minkerman]

I'm really sorry this has happened, Ophelia.

It sounds like you really need to move on, as hard as that may be.

[Patrick325]

Hang in there Ophelia, It's not over till it's over....Just try to GAL and Act as if you are fine....You'll know for by April 22. That's the advice everyone has given me. It will be a tough 2 months but at least it isn't an awful long time. Things can change, try to keep your chin up!

[NoCodeBlues]

(((((((Ophelia)))))))

I am so sorry. You don't deserve this at all.

[Ophelia]

I'm *this close* to sending him an email right now just to ask him "why now"? I suspect he was just waiting until after my birthday, which was Feb 22, before dropping this bomb on me.

I want to tell him that I figured out some time ago who OW is, and ask if he wants the D so he can M her.

I want to tell him that I'd really hoped we could still be friends, but the way he left it today by saying, "I assume you'll still keep in contact with my mum", means he wants no contact with me at all, despite the fact that we actually got on pretty well when we saw each other again, considering how long it had been since we'd seen each other before that.

I know it'd be the crappiest DBing, which is the only thing stopping me from sending that email, because most of me is just thinking, "Well, it's not like you've got anything left to lose, so why not".

[Patrick325]

Don't do it. It's not worth it. Get satisfaction from GAL and realize it may suprise him a bit....it will help your cause better than anything else. It's hard to do when you feel like crap but you'll get there!

[Ophelia]

I did end up sending an email, but just to clarify who will be delivering the papers to me to sign. The whole email was one sentence long. I didn't start it with his name, or sign it with mine, and didn't even put anything in the subject.

Well, seeing as how I'm done throwing up now, (that'll teach me to drown my sorrows on an empty stomach), I'm gonna go to bed...in the spare room, because I don't think I can stand to sleep in our old bed tonight.

[Where is Hope?]

{{{HUGS}}} I came over from the separation site. I am so sad to see this is happening to you! I would not email or call or anything anymore. It is time to GAL. {{{HUGS}}} again! I wish I were there to catch your tears for you!