Hello all, You have helped me in the past when my husband was gone and left with the younger/stripper OW. He has come home and has been back for 16 mts. He says he has been trying but I don't see it. We have had fun but I think the main reason that he came back is because of our house and he wants his share. He is trying to fix it up to sell it and says he will buy me a new home and with both our names and he will take some money and move on but he will always love me and he wants us to move closer to his parents so I can help take care of them. Well, we have a great home that my inheritance paid the majority of it and I have paid all but 2 house notes with my money in 6 years. In the past my inheritance money was what he mainly went thru and when it was gone he left and found the OW...then he found out that she wasn't what he wanted and he said he was stuck. Then she found out that we were still seeing each other and she moved back home with her mother in another state. I did the divorcebusting and got him back but he said that he loves me but just doesn't want to be married. I've have been playing along with his game as fixing up the house but he isn't working now and just hanging around. We filed bankruptcy and went to court last week. I truly don't want to do what he says as selling the house. I don't trust him. I told him that he really hasn't tried like he should have...the moment he came home it was sell the home....of course we haven't yet. I'm still hanging on but I need some advice....We have a 12 year old son and he really went thru a hard time when he left us..so I don't know how he will take all this. I haven't mentioned anything to anyone. His sister however said that he really came home just for the house cause thats all the money he would get that is left and for me to stand my guns and don't sell as I have given him everything in the past. Sometimes he is wonderful and says that we are going to find a place together then he says that he will go his own way but we will still be close and will do things together and of course I can as long as I don't have anyone or be seeing anyone. HELP..... Rowena
Can you afford the house on your own? Do you need money from him to keep it?
If you can carry the house and you don't want to move, then don't move. Talk to a lawyer, and I mean pronto. See what you can do to settle up with him regarding any sort of equity that you might bequest him. Set up a payment plan with him so that he can't "run through the money" like last time.
I strongly advise against moving anywhere for someone who's got their eye on the door (been there, done that!). Learn from my mistake and DON'T move unless it is something you wholeheartedly want!!!!!!
Thanks for the opinion. He is so wishy washy...I don't know what he has planned. Today he is looking for a job here. No, I don't want to sell the house and he really doesn't have any equity in it. Except just working on the land..mowing etc. So I see that you have moved with your husband when he had his eye on the door. Did you move far??? Thanks for your help....Rowena
We moved from PA to NC. I gave up my job where: -I had just received a substantial raise -I was receiving benefits -I was getting training paid for by the company -I had career growth
I gave this all up because of one simple sentence that my H said to me while down on his knees in front of me: "This will be a new beginning for us."
Later, he told me that I had misenterpreted his words. When he said, a new beginning for us, he really meant a new beginning for you and a new beginning for me. So I am very leary of those of us who feel pressured to move with a spouse who is not wholy committed to the marriage.
I take full responsibility for my moving down here. After all, I ignored huge red flags (we still didn't have any sexual relationship between us, he had stopped going to therapy, I was not doing what was best for me, I didn't look out for my best interests, and I put my faith into someone who wasn't stable emotionally).
So, whenever I see that someone is contemplating a move WITH A SPOUSE WHO'S NOT FULLY COMMITTED YET, I scream at my computer monitor "DON'T DO IT!!!!"
