Well, just spoke to H, he's is not coming home tonight because he's with OW, said he went there unexpectedly, didn't mean to lie to me won't lie to me anymore, and won't come home. D birthday this weekend but said thats why coming home tomorrow just won't be home tonight. While speaking to him he got a phone call on other phone apparently she bought him one so they can speak without me knowing, I told him I had a feeling she had bought him one.
I feel so numb right now can't cry can't feel anything, just feel like a stupid fool for having hope and trying my hardest to show him how much he meant to me, this is crazy. Don't know why I can't feel anything, don't know what to do once he finally comes home. He says we have a lot to discuss, knows I don't like to discuss our R over phone, told him not to tell her its me on phone but he will I know he'll tell her, he's told her everything about me, I on the other hand no nothing about her, I don't want to, know enough that she has no morals thats enough for me.
Please tell me do I let him destroy my D's b'day actually we were suppose celebrate both of our D's b'day one turned 27 Wednesday, the other D will be 19 on Sunday. Happy B'day to them, well why not, he dropped bomb about OW on my B'day, 1-8-08. He's got some timing.
What do I do? Help please need some advice.
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
trying my hardest to show him how much he meant to me, this is crazy.
Ok, if you want to have your best chance to make this work (which is the first question you need to ask yourself), stop doing that! he doesn't want to know that right now!
You probably want to get "Divorce Remedy" if you haven't already.
As far as this weekend goes, don't initiate any relationship talks, and try not to get roped into one. If you do, try to validate his feelings (it doesn't mean agree, just allow him to have them, without arguing). Don't try to defend yourself, or tell him why he is wrong.
Don't pursue, don't put pressure on him. Don't cry, try not to let him see how he is hurting you.
I think that is probably enough homework for now. This is going to be a long ride, if you choose to get on it. Many term it a rollercoaster. There is no guarantee of success, as far as restoring your marriage, but you will be a better person when you get off.
I thought you got some great advice on the "Infidelity" forum, which would also seem to be more the topic of your sitch. Why are you no longer posting there?
Allowing your husband to cake-eat, and being his "bootie call" isn't going to work, as many of us told you. Have you figured out what your own personal boundaries are, and then communicated them to your husband? That, to me, would seem a good place to start.
I am sorry to hear of your difficult time. You are in the midst of emotional truama and rightfully so. Whatever you do, try not to let this get in the way of your children's birthday. It will be difficult, but some times you have to suck it up.
Also, if you are numb, perhaps counseling would be a good place to go to help get your feeling back.
you must not stop living because of him, make it a point to enjoy your kids' bdays, the rollercoaster is a long one and you must saddle up for a long hard ride. THere might be more heartache and what's going to pull you through is your desire to be happy regardless, to realize your H is a want not a need. If he's in ow's spell he prob will spew some deluded stuff your way, you must not buy everything he says.
Men/women come and go, your kids will be yours forever, why "let him destroy" anything? What he is doing is despicable, of course you are in shock and hurting, but remember, yelling and crying and begging will most likely give him ammo and an excuse for him for what he has done.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks, I wish I could grasp all of this right now i feel like my head is spinning. How can I keep from the R talk he's going to do it I know he's going to go there because he wants it all out in the open so he can leave. Oh by the way there won't be anymore bootie calls, its not going to happen believe me after our talk earlier the last thing I want is to even see the man and I use that term loosely right now. He is no man, and I told him so to tonight. I didn't cry or beg, I just spoke calmly, but I don't know whats going to happen when he finally gets here. I don't expect him until tomorrow morning sometime it won't be early, he won't be in any hurry to come home.
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
Yes I believe and have believed that he wants me to be the bad guy and throw him out, he even asked me if he should even come home at all, so I reminded him of D's b'days, he said he remembered but still wanted to know if I wanted him here.
Man this sucks! Like what am I suppose to do? He said he wanted to know how I felt right then when he was telling me where he was at. I asked him why it even mattered he could care less, told him if he really cared he wouldn't even be there right now. Didn't say anything, what a A**.
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
I hope you don;t mind but I am smiling right now. I am smiling at this:
Quote:
I felt right then when he was telling me where he was at. I asked him why it even mattered he could care less, told him if he really cared he wouldn't even be there right now.
He asked!
Anyway, don't worry about him wanting you to be the bad guy. Just do the right thing, act with class and grace, and no one can ever find fault with you.
I don't even know what I'm doing, where I'm posting just posting to get some advice from everyone, just not thinking clearly right now. I told him I was sorry I even called him, when I had spoke to him earlier today, he told me he was with his friend and would be home later this evening so when he hadn't called me by 7:30 p.m. I figured he wasn't coming home and was with her, told him this and said he Knew I didn't believe him and was glad I called him so he didn't have to lie to me anymore. Don't mind me I just venting now.
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
