STBX is finally moving full speed ahead w/ the D. I/we signed the agreement back in May. So I know its valid BUT as the attorney advised me that I can tell the judge that i have since changed my mind on some things: I had previuosly waived any of his 401K and agreed to staying in the house until its sold w/ child support being ONLY the mortagage amount of$1000. We have three little ones and he makes $30 grand more than I.
Now that i dont want the house and also since the market is down..h wants me to stay in it for a year and use the child support to pay the house. At first I thought it was a good idea, but I no longer want this house for several reasons: if something breaks he will not fix it like a landlord will and both a/c's are VERY old and i cant afford a new one if it were to break.
Today he asked if I was "hiding"?? I asked why? they are trying to serve me and cant find me??? BUT wait he STILL wants to re do the agreement w/ some minor tweeking.
Can they do that? I mean I know we have a valid signed OLD agreement but what if a new is in the process but is not finalized yet?
He is complying w/ my request to not serve me @ work. But I have been home evryday and they cant find me?
UGH!! A part of me is scared to be served another part cant wait w/ pen in hand!?!
I'll be the first. You don't use the child support money to pay for the house....that should only be considered a small part of it. Second....you make DAMN sure that you are saving ALL your receipts. Third....why don't YOU get the paperwork done by a mediator and have the stuff put in there that you find more appropriate and advantageous to you?
I'll be the second. I don't know the legal aspects, and they vary from state to state, so your best bet would be to get legal advise. You need to know if what you signed is even allowable. As far as I know, child support can not be replaced by a mortgage payment. Talk to someone who knows. It will be worth the $$ you spend.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Sorry you are here. Don't worry! We are a strong bunch here, true survivors. I for one have only been D'd for about 1.5 years, but separated for over 4.
The rules do vary from state to state. I will tell you what I did, which worked out good for me. We used a mediator to help us divide the property, but I filled out the paperwork myself, which saved big bucks. We split the cost of mediation, each of us writing a check for half the bill at the end of each session. I consulted my OWN attorney to go over the paperwork and separation agreement to make sure it was in my best interest.
As to the 401 K, we had that evaluated along w/ the rest of the accounts. EVERYTHING that is earned or acquired during the marriage is considered JOINT PROPERTY. In our case we both work as educators for the state of California. Our retirement is based on what we are earning when we retire, NOT what we contribute during our working years. So we paid to have the retirement accounts evaluated. It cost about $300 (Split the cost). It was money well spent, tho. We learned that each of our retirements were about equal, so it didn't make sense to split them.
If it is determined that you need to cash out and split, then you get a court order to split the properties. I am glad I didn't have to do that, but some here have.
If you can't afford your own attorney look into Legal Aid or go to a Women's Center and see if they can help. I highly recommend you get someone who will advocate for YOU!
Good luck, Baby steps, And blessings.
SG (The other sg!)
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I have seen two differnt attorneys and both have told me I have such a good case(domestic violence-sent H to jail years ago and he went to anger mgnmt program) that I dont need to hire an attorney. If this does prolong and it gets ugly like I suspect cuz H does not awant to give me any of his 401k, like shown in his anger last night. I dont want to seem like a gold digger BUT dang it...I need to start to look out for me & the girls for once.
I saught legal aid and they couldnt help me unless I have an ACTIVE domestic violence case.
I am at oddly?(not) at peace TG!! For I know HE will be my attorney as an elder from the church already revealed to me.
All of my old jobs never gave the benefit of the 401K untill the job I currently have and I cant put anymore into it than $25 a pay period..so I only have $600 in it so far. STBX has around $20G.
Has anyone here got their ex's part of 401K? How does this go? Do they cash it out for you or must it be put into your 401K also?
I will need the $ to move out for rent, deposit and movers. I have a feeling our house will sell sooner than he thinks.
Hi chicki,
I got more than my share of the combined retirement accounts, but the money was transferred directly from XH's accounts to mine. You need to get a good tax attorney to answer your question, because there are big tax implications if you cash out early.
Good luck. It is irritating that this is so complicated on top of all the emotional pain.
