My husband cheats. The first time was devastating with STD also. Then there was secret romance with co worker, that lasted 5 years. Then I found condoms and text message with massage therapist. Yesterday I found condoms again in his baggage. Today he says he just can't get what he needs from me because I don't give him enough sex. OK, well we have sex maybe twice a week and it is always the same. I feel It doesn't matter how many times I have sex with him or what I do with him he will always want other women. It is always about sex. Other than that we are a very successful couple. Years ago I resigned that I will never have a loving and healthy sexual relationship with my husband. The more he cheats the less I want sex with him. Just typing this and getting it out makes me realize that I have to be really stupid. Does anybody have any insight here? I am so scared and really really sad.
Thanks soooo much. Just knowing somebody was out there made me break down to tears. Got to pull it together for my teens. I am going to try to eat, but just breathing is difficult right now. Can't tell how much I needed somebody to respond. Thx.
Can you maybe get to a C but not a MC. It seems your husband might have some type of Sexual addiction. Have you checked out some books at your Publc Library about this?
I can't offer much help but I hope some out there can
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Had to talk to my B16 and of course this is upsetting to him too. Dad is supposed to be away for the weekend so we can chill. I try very hard with my kids to come across strong, although, my swollen eyes give me away. and of course this is not the first time we have been here. We are married 18 years. Mostly because I like him my H. Sexual addiction. I read this too. What is so weird is my mind and body is doing really strange things. Everything is so intense. Is this right, what he is doing?
And NO you are not stupid. I know the feeling, all too well - I really do. But you are not stupid. Naive, in love, too trusting, not giving yourself enough credit - maybe (probably). But stupid, no way.
Have you gotten the Divorce Remedy book yet? If not I recommend it highly. But first things first:
Quote:
What is so weird is my mind and body is doing really strange things. Everything is so intense.
This too is very normal - and something you need to start working your way through.
First steps:
Breathe in Breathe out Repeat... deliberate, slow, deep breaths. Really be conscious of your breathing.
The fact that you said your body feels weird reminds me of something that happened very early in my sitch. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital and it turns out to be a breathing problem caused by the stress. I started to have this weird seizure-like thing (in the midst of a haircut of all things, not even anything stressful!). It had happened in my hands before - my hands and arms just felt WEIRD, like they had a mind of their own or something, but it never got worse.
Until... mid-haircut, my fingers clamped tight and I couldn't open them, then my arms seized up so tight I couldn't pull them away from my body, and it continued to get worse. I honestly thought something was wrong and I was dying, and begged them to call an ambulance before I lost consciousness (which they did, although I never completely lost consciousness). What was it? Well, apparently, it's possible to hyperventilate and not know you are doing it. Who knew, right?? You just breathe "funny" and it causes the O2/CO2 levels to become slightly wrong in your bloodstream.. you start to feel weird.. and at that point if you get scared, you hyperventilte in a more "obvious" way and there you have it. Often this can turn into a full blown anxiety attack where you are just terrified for no apparent reason.
It doesn't sound like you're at that point right now but if you're feeling physical symptoms PLEASE know that this could be happening.
Also... if this even STARTS to happen to you, get a paper bag, put it over your mouth, plug your nose, and breathe very slowly with the bag over your mouth. Sounds like something out of an old sit-com but it works (in fact it's what the hospital had me do when I got to the ER).
Might be worth seeing a doctor about some anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medications to help you through the toughest parts of this, too.
Next steps: - Eat right, as best you can. If all you can stomach is a protein shake, at least drink those.
- Look for support - friends, family. People you can rely on emotionally, as well as people to just hang out and have fun and forget about things with.
The rest will come in time, but start with those, OK??
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
