TRYING to enjoy the quietness

[kissak]

Actually Grace...we are open and honest about the kids. That is the ONLY thing we do talk about comfortably. I believe he feels pressure on him because he knows I am standing for my marriage. At times when he was with the OW, actually there wasnt as much tension there. I feel like if he would make a decision, either way, alot of the tension would be gone. I have told him I dont have any expectations from him except to respect me and take care of the kids, so I dont know what else to do to relieve it. I think the tension comes mostly from him and reflects back from me. If he is uncomfortable, so am I. If he isnt talking, I feel uncomfortable doing it.

Oh, why cant we just kiss and make up!!??!!

Its like he would feel better if I was to say "youre right, this isnt going to work out" and I would feel better if he would say "this will work, just give me time".

So how do we compromise?? Neither one of us can agree on this.

The thing is I blew up at him a week ago before he saw the counselor. He made me so mad I was ready to say "its over" I even threatened him by saying I was going to tell his exOW somethings I said I wouldnt. I didnt tell, but he feels like I would If I got mad enough. I do feel bad by saying that i would tell. Anger is getting the best of me lately. Working on it though. Trying to see the triggers and why its happening.

I did apologize again this morning for being angry with him yesterday. He said he understood, everyone has bad days and it sounded like I was having one.

Anyone know any magic spells...

IMP!! I must have missed the patience you sent this way. I am on the coast of NC...Try again! go a little more east this time!! Someone else said they needed some...they must have gotten it before me!!

[Treese]

If you figure out how to get rid of the anger you better share...I have been extremely angry lately..I want to get rid of it but I seem to be getting angrier by the day because H is being such an A**...

[inmyplace]

Sgirl,

Which direction do I send it. I am in the Boston area!

[Donamite]

Capital of NC. Send as much as possible! Cheers!
Spoke with H this and he was upset because I spoke with his co worker on Saturday. I told him I understand why it was wrong. I thought she was my friend too and now see that people have to pick. He is still standing for D, but did question me about past things and listened too. We agree we have get along for the boys, so I suggested a C we can both go to help us communicate. He agreed! I found a SBT on web and called him. He is pro marriage. I will tell him H wants D, I don't. Don't want H to go in thinking I set him up. I know we need to do this even if... Waiting for him to call for appointment.

[kissak]

This day really sucks! I went to the dentist. My Hygentist cleaned my teeth and then said "I dont want to scare you, but"

!!!ugh!!!! Seems from all the stress my gums are not in the best of shape! Now they are referring me to a periodonalist. UGH. Money....pain....money....more pain. All because Of the stress in my life....well that added to it anyway. I do every thing I can to take care of my teeth, including having them cleaned 3 times a year.

Sorry, dont mean to tell yall all the gross stuff in my life, but you already know my H was sleeping with another woman, so what the heck!!

Anyway, H did text me a couple of times today just to say Hi. I said Hi back. I guess I will see him tonight at tkd....Im wondering how it is going to go. I really just want to give him a hug and end the tension, I dont think that will do it, but maybe it will help. I dont know anymore.

[imLIN]

You might want to make sure that your diet isn't effecting your oral health...that can happen and I know you have been working on losing weight but sometimes we forget that there is still that thing called nutrition that we must watch carefully...especially when dieting...and yes, stress doesn't help in any of the areas of our life...

I know you WANT to think that a hug will take care of the tension...believe me if that was the cure all I think most of us would have skipped past much of this...I can tell that the tension remained between H and I...even with hugs...after his return...and I am sorry to tell you that like everything else it takes time...and working through the issues that are causing the tension...like H and the OW for starters...

So patience....time...patience...time...focus on you and the kids...leave H to work on himself...give him the room he needs even if he might think otherwise...he really needs to grow up and learn to be alone...you have come a long way but you still have a long way to go...this is not for the weak...that is for darned sure...but as with most things...the rewards are worth it...

Take care...Lin

[Grace_O]

kissak,

Ok, the dentist thing stinks, but at least there is something that can be done.

Lin is dead on about the hugs. I got one this weekend and it made me feel worse (not b/c of what I was missing).

I hope today is going well for you. HUGS

[kissak]

Thanks Grace and Lin....

Today isnt going great....I told my H to send me the papers last night. Told him I wasnt doing this anymore. I have to let go and take care of me and I honestly cant do that if I am holding on to anything.

Got into a very heated discussion last night. When I hung up on him and didnt answer his calls he came over and banged on my windows and doors. Thats it. I cant deal with him anymore.

I will keep praying for him though. He seems to think he has become a changed man over night. One meeting with the therapist and one week on meds and he is changed.

I found out he has been lying to me this whole time about everything and Not from him either. He decided to tell the OW himself, the truth this morning....she wasnt happy at all. Is calling it quits with him.

He is mad at me and thinks I told her some stuff.

Im done...Im sorry guys, but I cant take this any longer. I will not be lied to over and over again. Not anymore. If she chooses to be with him after this? Her problem. He hasnt changed and never will. He cant be trusted ever....

I found out from someone that he said I AM CRAZY and that my WHOLE family is crazy!! His step mom never liked me and he said he was going to deny every having an affair...and he did...Denyed it to the fullest. I dont know him...he is sick and I dont want to be involved with him anymore.

I just have to figure out how to get along with him now.

Sorry guys...I have to do this for me. I have to move forward and thinking he may come back someday is keeping me from going anywhere in my life.

[kissak]

well....my H brought the kids home tonight...he came in the door with an envelope in his hand. He had it down by his side. I did something I never thought i would be able to do... I reached out for the envelope and held my hand there waiting for him to hand it to me. H didnt hand it to me right away...but he did say "so you knew about them?" I said yes. I took them and said "Thank you" and laid them on the table. He said "will you at least look at them?" I said "I sure will". That was all that was said. I turned around to the kids and said "tell your daddy goodbye"

I think he was expecting me to fall apart and throw them at him. I didnt though. I was so strong. I dont know where it is coming from, but I didnt fall apart. I read them after he left and there are definitly a few changes I want to make.

[cagzmom]

hi kissak- just wanted you to know that i have been thinking about you. I am with you on letting go.

Just know - I am out here in cyber land thinking of you..and you better watch out my friend..i may show up some day just to get out of the queen city and come see you!!! =)