Behaving like teenagers?

[I'mstillhopeful]

My H (58) and the OW (55) are revisiting their teenage years. Before I learned not to snoop I found some rather pathetic e-mails which he had printed out and kept in his briefcase. (Along with notes in the margins such as yes, yes!! You are such a nurturing mother.)

She had done everything but write her name as Mrs. ______.
She had questions for him e.g. would you hold my hand when we watch a movie, will you dance with me in the kitchen, were you married in a church, what is your favorite... well you get the idea.

She has expressed a desire to watch "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty" cartoons with him since he is her Prince Charming.

Her husband wants her to work on the marriage, but, unfortunately he hasn't heard of DB. From her e-mails he has been doing all the things to drive her away: crying, begging, and pleading.

I think that the husband tried to telephone the house once. A slightly drunken male voice said something like " Your husband is ______".
He hung up before I could talk with him.

I really wish it would be appropriate to contact him, tell him about DB and that way two marriages wouldn't be in shambles as a result of the MLC.

How are the rest of you dealing with a formerly solid husband who has morphed into a love-sick teenager? Do they ever wake up and see what is going on before it is too late for their marriages?



My original thread is linked below (I hope). divorcebusting bthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1370600&page=2#Post1370600

[I'mstillhopeful]

Has anyone contacted the spouse of the wayward partner? Has anything positive ever resulted?

[MidwesternGirl]

"She has expressed a desire to watch "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty" cartoons with him since he is her Prince Charming."

I have to say she is a sicko. What grown adult would want to watch those unless it was with their own kids or grandkids.

Sounds like she is a mother figure to him and for some reason it is appealing to him.

[I'mstillhopeful]

Thanks for that comment steelersfan. I agree. Knowing that she appears to be very needy might make him question whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I just need to slow down our D process for him to have a chance to realize it.

Another thing in my favor is that she has already a) threatened to break up with him and b) labelled him as being passive/aggressive.

He absolutely HATES labels, and he also doesn't really like non-psychologists making diagnoses.

[MidwesternGirl]

And I was afraid I was going to offend with my comment but she sounds really weird! Maybe I am weird but this is not normal IMO.

I do not think he will like that type of control at all.

[sgctxok]

I think she means the OW's husband.

depends on how well you know him.

Here's the link to your post on Newcomers....and since you're so new....I think Newcomers is the very best place for you to find solution oriented ideas....some great brainstorming goes on over there.

your thread

[I'mstillhopeful]

I think she means the OW's husband.

depends on how well you know him.

Here's the link to your post on Newcomers....and since you're so new....I think Newcomers is the very best place for you to find solution oriented ideas....some great brainstorming goes on over there.

Thanks for your help with the link. I think I've posted a few non-workable links already.

I don't know the husband at all, I have never even seen the OW. (The reverse telephone look-up is a blessing and a curse.)

A counselor (pre DB) had advised me that I might want to consider contacting the OW. He reasoned that my marriage is already broken, that if the OW hasn't yet left her marriage she might want to consider the wisdom of giving it all up for a man who is willing to walk away from a 28 year relationship without even trying to repair it.

[Sandyof5]

Imstillhopeful,

I'm kinda in same boat as you...my H's OW is married and her H suspects there is someone else but does not know who. I so wanna raise my hand and say "ohhh let me tell..let me tell". How ever I am not and am not sure if this is the "right thing"?

So I sit on it ..and watch and wait...

I do not know the OW or her husband either..only know OF them and know they all work at same company...messy, messy, messy.

[I'mstillhopeful]

All the warning signs were there. Previously H had spoken negatively of another psychologist who suddenly was sporting a dark tan, unnaturally dark hair, and white teeth as he was embarking on an affair with the head secretary. (This man and his wife had been social friends of ours in the past.)

Suddenly my H was wearing tweed jackets to work and delightly telling me that several women had told him that they found him to be more handsome and better dressed than the other guy.

So I sit on it ..and watch and wait...

That's a good thing. It's not over until it is over. I just pray I have enough time for his MLC to play its self out.

I do not know the OW or her husband either..only know OF them and know they all work at same company...messy, messy, messy.

Do you have the feeling that his co-workers are aware of the affair? In my case I believe some are even promoting it.