He contacted me first which is a good thing and early, too, around 11PM.
He said he felt better after our conversation, said he wishes he could erase everything that has kept us apart, that he loves me with all of his heart, and asked me to pray for him. And he told me to text him after 9AM.
I really think God is working on him.
I think I need a good nights sleep tonight as well.
Thank you so much for listening to me as I have been up and down too with this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
You seem to have fallen into the role of a developing OW. As I read your stuff, I feel I'm witnessing the unique position of seeing how an EA develops. A friend who lends an ear, is empathetic and compassionate with little pressure.
From what I know of the history of how my WAW's EA then PA developed, you sound as if you are a lot like the her OM was in the beginning... listening, comforting, just being there for her. The interesting thing to notice is that often EA's develop just that way. There is no plan, no agenda, just friendly willingness to listen and be a friend.... and slowly that builds into something else, something bigger. Since in the beginning there is no real goal on either part, little patience is required.
However, you do have a goal, a real "agenda" of sorts, so you must keep your perspective of the patience required for the outcome of your situation to equal that of how an innocuous friendship develops over time into an EA, then PA. You know already how time is your friend, and more time will help this.
I realize I'm not really telling you anything you don't already know, but it's fascinating to watch your progress. Keep up the very good work and resist the temptation to rush anything. Your progress and patience is very impressive.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
You seem to have fallen into the role of a developing OW. As I read your stuff, I feel I'm witnessing the unique position of seeing how an EA develops. A friend who lends an ear, is empathetic and compassionate with little pressure.
From what I know of the history of how my WAW's EA then PA developed, you sound as if you are a lot like the her OM was in the beginning... listening, comforting, just being there for her. The interesting thing to notice is that often EA's develop just that way. There is no plan, no agenda, just friendly willingness to listen and be a friend.... and slowly that builds into something else, something bigger. Since in the beginning there is no real goal on either part, little patience is required.
However, you do have a goal, a real "agenda" of sorts, so you must keep your perspective of the patience required for the outcome of your situation to equal that of how an innocuous friendship develops over time into an EA, then PA. You know already how time is your friend, and more time will help this.
I realize I'm not really telling you anything you don't already know, but it's fascinating to watch your progress. Keep up the very good work and resist the temptation to rush anything. Your progress and patience is very impressive.
God Bless,
z
you hit the nail on the head. I served as an "OW" to my H's OW for several months as well before he came home. My H's return was almost identical to what Steeler's H is doing right now.
Steelers, you are doing great. Patience gets very hard at this point because you begin to wonder why he can't just leave her. Why can't he just break away if he really knows what he wants. Something I'm still not quite sure I understand fully, but it seems to be a common theme among these men. It's great that he feels so much better after talking to you. You are his safe haven. Keep up the good work!
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
H knows what he wants and who he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
I want him to be able to come home when he feels ready and I have told him that and he is in agreement.
I don't think it has much to do with OW anymore because the way he sees it, it is the guilt and damage done that is the real hold-up. I base this on the talks he and I have had.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My H insists there isn't/hasn't been anyone else but you know a wife has a gut feeling. I am so impressed by you. I look up to you. I have beenr eading and not posting much to your sit. but have quietly learned some things that I hope to put into play one day.
I am rooting for you just like everyone else. I would certainly imagine he is having a terrible internal struggle about all the hurt and betrayal he has caused and is like a little kid that knows they did wrong and has to fess up and ask forgiveness but is so afraid to do so because of the possible ridicule and consequences. You know like we tell our kids not to lie, always tell the truth even if the truth means you will get in trouble you will get in much less trouble than if you were to lie about it. That is how I see your H right now, that little boy struggling with the lie and the harm it caused.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
He has already asked for my forgiveness so that is not an issue here.
The holdback is the enormous guilt and living with the people he hurt the most. He is not struggling with the lie because he really did not lie when I confronted him almost three years ago. It is the guilt that affects these men, more so than anyone can ever imagine. And OW is really no longer an issue any longer even though she is still somewhat in the picture but she knows who he loves and wants to be with.
Otherwise we are okay.
God is working here and I am glad it is He rather than me working this out.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
thank you sf for your posts it definitely helps to understand the struggle these guys go through and the gentle no pressure way you deal with him I can only do it part of the time as I get so frustrated and H tries to bait me hopefully, I will get to this stage and it really helps to watch another sucessfully deal with it peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Reading your thread is great prep for a sitdown I'm having with my H this evening. I am trying to be his friend, but my emotions keep sabotaging me. I will bear in mind your example (as well as those of lots of other folks here)when I speak to him tonight. You are doing an awsome job!
