Thanks for remembering me. Not sure where everyone is these days so I am trying to read and catch up.
As far as insight..well guess I haven't done such a great job marriage wise so not so sure what to say about that. I am making great progress on being stronger and more in touch with myself. That seems to be the best thing I have gotten out of all of this. To be honest there are still days I fall back, but even then I am getting better at giving myself a break. I have come to understand that self blame is a big part of where I go wrong in life. I also see that blaming myself is not the same as being responsible for myself.
I have also learned through this site and therapy that others really need to be responsible for themselves and I can not help them get there or do it for them. I can support them any time I see them doing it, but again very different then doing it for them.
I have come to accept that my H has problems that are not my fault and my problems are not his fault. Unfortunately, he is not in that place. He still, based on our last conversation, blames me for his feelings and thereby justifies his actions as some defense on his part. He clearly sees himself as a victim. I no longer do. I accept that his behavior has been abusive, but that it is still up to me to take care of me rather then spend time trying to get him to stop hurting me, or blaming me, or stop doing anything for that matter. Perhaps this is the true letting go. To acknowledge his behavior as his, know I can't change it, and do all I can to take care of me as I address only my behavior and feelings.
Well, this is where I am now. A far cry from a year ago on the floor in pain. Though I miss my H, I fully understand that it is my choice to not have a person in my life that can not be honest or an adult at this time. It is in fact up to me to and only me to take care of my feelings and my life and no one else, no matter how much I love them or miss them can do it for me.
Now if I could just feel that every minute of everyday......
I realize I have been out of the loop awhile. In some ways on purpose as I found I was spending more time here then living my life. No offense please, my own problem.
Meanwhile, life is going well. It has been well over a year since my H has left. I still get calls and emails from him. He has finally moved in with the OW. Soon after I got a rather odd Birthday Card. I opened to find stickers with quotes. Things like "sorry", "Happy Birthday", and "a battle lost is one that one thinks they have lost". Haven't a clue.
My S is still not speaking to my H. But my S and I have been having a great time.
I have rearranged my whole house to be a work space for my art. Loving that. I have finally joined a gym and cut back on my therapy. Recently I went to Argentina to stay with a friend. Fantastic time.
The divorce still looms before me. Lots of paperwork due to our joint business, which my H is trying to not split with me. Oh well.
I have also cut out of my life tons of old "friends". I found I could no longer deal with dishonest people. Unfortunately, I seemed to have collected quite a few over the years and have found it too draining and emotionally distrissing to sort through lies anymore. Low and behold lots of new people have entered my life that have no problem with honestly or personal responsibility. What a nice breath of fresh air.
Anyway, I do try to read and catch up as much as I can. This site and the people on it have made a major impact on me and helped so much it my healing. So if I am not here day to day, please know you are all in my thoughts even when I don't post.
Hey Short, so nice to hear you are ok. The lesson that we are responsible for ourselves and our happiness is one that all of us must learn. I am learning it.
Having your art encompass your house must be wonderful. And I am so happy for you that your son is back. That is what it is all about.
Your h is still "out there". Too bad he cant see all that he is missing.
Stay true, my friend. Honest, integrity, compassion - its where its at.
Yes it is great to have a family again even a tiny one of two. We have been having a great time going to movies, cooking dinners, and hanging out. Time does make things easier.
Being responsible for me is the easy part. Seems I have the opposite problem mostly, the one where I blame myself for other's stuff. That has been the hardest part for me to over come. Learning some things are just not my fault has been a big step.
Yeah short, I hear ya. But you told me early on that I have to take responsibility for my part and I have. We had problems, some of them were my responsilbility, some of them his. I accept mine, him not so much.
I cannot make him see, so I dont try. I cannot make him apologize, so I dont try. I can look in the mirror and know that I have behaved with dignity and honesty. Him - I dont know.
So, the point I am trying to make is you cannot blame yourself for it all, and you cannot be at fault for it all. Accept what is yours, let the rest go. That is the only way to move forward, I think.
Not sure where everyone is these days so I am trying to read and catch up.