Thanks beginners. Although this weekend was a meltdown on one hand it was a break through on the other. I don't like getting to the place of yelling, but it showed me something. One my H did the research and found out I was right. He called and apologized today. That gave a me a chance to say sorry for yelling, which was good.
One thing I have learned in my case is I need to be tough. Not yelling, but firm in my stance of what I will except and firm in myself as to what my feelings are and know that I have the right to express them. I don't need to yell, just to say no to hurtful actions and here is how I feel. Then step back and do nothing..in other words not worry about if my H likes it or not..let him deal with his feelings.
We all have the right to feel. We can't expect others to feel the same way of do what we want or feel what we want, but we have the right to feel our own feelings and express them in a responsible way, they let others decide their own stuff.
As far as the divorce, I think it is time I expect him to do the right thing(by law)as an adult and my H of 26 years. I expect him to be responsible for himself, act in good faith, and I will not except less. This is what I told him today. Now I will see what he does.
Hey Short, thanks for coming by my thread and checking up on me. It's nice to know how much people care. I am doing ok since telling our son. Worst night of my life, he was devastated. He is doing better, but with h still here, and the both of us getting along, I think he is in denial. It will not hit him until his dad moves out.
Short, you have every right to have expectations of how your h should act throughout this. Those expectations are reasonable and the standards you demand are those that you have risen to during this time. Anything less is not acceptable.
Remember that you are a good person, that you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Remember that you have done nothing to be ashamed of and that you are a person of worth.
Thanks BGM. I haven't been posting on my thread much as not much is happening. My H is off to NYC next week for my son's B'day. I won't be there. My son doesn't like me to call when my H is there as he says it's to much like nothing happened and upsets him. We figured out a way for him to go out and call me so I could wish him a happy birthday.
Other then that I haven't heard much for the lawyers. Guess the paperwork will move along.
Mostly I have been feeling pretty good. Planting flowers.
Hi everyone. Wow I had no idea I had been gone so long.
Looks like my last post was my son's Birthday. Well that was an event. My son threw my H out of his NYC apartment and has not spoken to him since. My H emails and write him, but my son has decided my H is nuts and won't budge until his Dad gets sane.
Meanwhile, I have gone dark on H also. I have answered a few emails that pertain to business or the divorce and a few calls that had to do with moving my son back to LA. Hurray for that, as having my son around has been great.
I did answer one call from my H by mistake (I was in such a good mood I forgot to check the caller ID) on father's Day. My H was a mess. I got the usual I love you both and want you in my life speech. But really it was a help me get my son back call that soon went into irrational stuff....mostly how it must be my fault that our son is not speaking to H. So I decided to send my H the Lundy Bancroft book (Why do They Do That) on abuse. It has a great chapter on how to make amends. Haven't heard a word since then.
I doing fairly well. The lack of insanity in my life has been great. Not being caught up in the drama of my H's life has really made me feel so much better. I still feel sad for the loss of my marriage, but have decided it is out of my hands. I have done all I could do to be open, kind, and let my H know I am available to talk, but not while the OW is in his life. I just can not find it in me to support the choices he is making right now.
