I know I have said, I refuse to give the OW much of my time and attention and by posting this I'm doing just that..lol
But bear with me here...a lot of you have mentioned the OW and they all seem to be "skanks" "ho's" "younger" "dumb" "insecure" "controling" "b*tches" and the list goes on..
I dont know a whole lot in regards to my husbands OW. Cept she is 41 hes 44. She is one of his managers and is very much of a woman of power so to speak. I know her H is older...I think I found out 52 ish. She is highly educated and has twin little girls. She has a high salary and she and my H have been friends for a long time..working on projects together over the years. I know in past he has mentioned her to me in casual conversation and said he was suprised how she was actually younger then him..as she seemed so much older..and the one time I did meet her ( waaaay before they ever started or thought of having an affair) she seemed much older then both my H and I .(We boh tend to seem younger than what we really are).
I dunno...I guess my question is...he doesnt seem to be "affairing down". I hear this so much and he claims they have everything in common and blah blah blah. They are sneaking around and as far as I know no one knows about this affair and he has told me a couple of times "if it got out we would lose our jobs" . So he gets all mean and nasty and spews his verbal vomit. Back to my question...I guess I DO feel threatened by her..if Im being honest. I feel like maybe she DOES relate better to my H..maybe she CAN give him something I cant? And yes I know my insecurity is showing..but I am being honest..sigh.
I have NOT stalked her, called her, emailed or contacted her in anyway shape or form and I wont..actaully I PRAY for her and her little girls and her family.
Thats all I can do. I amagine the sneaking around will get old. Im sure she can provide him with stuff and experiances he wont get from me..they travel A LOT and I know this has been the catalyst for his affair to blossom.
I have no idea what my question is..just more or less thinking outloud...but it doenst seem my H is "affairing down". Can anyone relate?
PS My counselor assures me she is not even close to the strong woman of character and morals that I am...which I know...but...
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
I know where you are coming from, but please don't feel threatened by the OW! She really is nothing compared to you - look at what she is doing.
My H's OW is not someone you would say he is "affairing down" with - on the outside. From what I know of her, she must be fairly smart (went to law school after having her children), she is a few yrs. younger than me, and I have seen her and she is pretty. But I am smart, I don't care anything about age, I am pretty. I really feel sorry for her actually. I have never felt jealous of her. I used to think to myself, that her M must be abusive or something to have her going after a married man when she herself is married with kids. How could she consider doing that to her kids? I dont think that anymore. Back in my snooping days, some of the emails I saw showed me she is a very manipulative woman.
I have never said a bad word about her to my H and I never will. I pity her. It is funny because I don't pity my husband, I have compassion for him. Maybe I should for her too, but I don't right now.
I think, if through the end of all this, she does end up with my H and I don't, that I will still feel sorry for her, because she will be with a very broken man and she herself will be very broken. I on the other hand, will have taken the high road through it all and will have become an even better person who will always be growing.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Sandi I too believe anyone who would dTE A m MAN IS A LOSER ESPECIALLY WHILE HE IS STILL AT HOME anyone who would encourage a M man to leave his family has no morals and this is what we know about them there is more we dont know they are obviously not choosing a path of growth but of destruction I see them as sharks or bottom feeders preying on confused men desperate woman who could probably only attract a sick man and to add to the confusion when she is M too most A dont last peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
When I read what you put, I imediately saw it from a different perspective. The first thing that comes to mind is "Is the OW an MLCer?" I look at this from the perspective of her H and what he would be saying if he was a poster on this board. He would maybe say that his W is married with 2 kids, is successful and has a demanding job. They have been married for X years and now she is having an A with one of her subordinates. From her position of afluence she takes him traveling blah blah blah.....
I guess what I'm saying is that it is an A and nothing more. It will be exposed for what it is and will not last. It is a secretive R that is being conducted by 2 people who are actively damaging their 2 familes and their children. You have no reason to be threatened by her. She is just as troubled as your H is and just a symptom of his problems as he is a symptom of hers.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Imageer is right and has shed an interesting light on this.
As idicated by others, the OW is at least for now, of low moral character. Your H knows this and is pushing it out of his mind for now. He refuses to see her for what she currently is. He prefers instead to see her as a welcome distraction from his own internal issues. Working together made this very convenient for both of them. The sneaking around, the drama, it all adds to the fantasy. It all fades. The illusion will give way to reality. And does she plan to leave her family, or just share in your H's virtual escape from reality?
Is he affairing down? Yes. Does he know it. Not yet.
Thanks for visiting. You came to the right place. We will support, and encourage you every step of the way! This board has a wealth of information. Please take the time to read through the forums.
Michele Weiner-Davis is the host of this site. Please read her book, "Divorce Remedy". It's the current version of her acclaimed book, "Divorce Busting".
I know that this time is difficult. But, you'll get through this. You can apply the GAL approach. It requires that you stay away from relationship issues, pursue new interests, and do things without him. When you see him, be polite and upbeat. Do not pursue, nag, or let him see you cry. Your H is an *alien*; do not fuel the fire. This approach takes practice, and patience. We listed practical steps right within this forum. It is worth the read.
Michele believes in solutions, and you'll see how important it is. If you dwell on what he's doing, you'll go crazy. At this moment, you need to ask yourself, "What can I do to remain busy?" It sure feels better than having a pity party. Regardless of the outcome, you will come out stronger.
If you desire to speak to a solution-based therapist, do not hesitate to contact Michele's staff. They will coach you along the way. Michele believes, solutions solve problems! That said, problems make you insane with BLAME!!!
Please keep your mind off of the possible OW. Why should you waste your energy on her? CONCENTRATE ON YOU!!!!!
