All hope of getting H back

[Evie]

My thread locked.

I hope i have linked my threads correctly - help please?


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1279878&page=2#Post1279878

[Lanzo]

Hi Eve pka disapptd

Your threads linked

All hope is lost/help
All hope is lost/help 2

Lan

[Evie]

Thanks Lan - how do you do it?

Eve x

[Lanzo]

Step 1. copy your thread title
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1279878&page=2#Post1279878

Step 2. Click on reply (to post)
Step 3. Click on the first symbol (looks like the world with a chain attached)
Step 4 Paste thread title into box (paste over the http which is already in the box) click ok.
Step 5 type in your title into new box (All hope is lost......) click ok (this should now appear in your reply)
All hope is lost...

Alternatly delete the * symbpol in the link below copy and paste into a new reply and the correct link will be created for you.

[*url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1279878&page=2#Post1279878]All hope is lost...[/url]

Lan

[seekpeaceofmind]

So, Eve, how are you this week?

[Kalni]

Hi EVE!!!

Lan is an angel, isn't he? When you manage what he suggests, can you explain it to me also?

So, how are you my dear ex disappointed?

Kalni

[Evie]

Thanks Jen, Kalni, 25yrs, Seek, Kim and Lan

Hope you like the title of my new thread and my change of name!!(someone suggested it was a good time too change when my thread locked, you know who you are, many thanks for the suggestion).

Thanks all for checking in on me this week, for your continued support and 2 x4's!!

Kim, H teaches swimming, he is employed and he is also self employed and does private work, he is a very good instructor and very much in demand as he gets results, he also works long hours.

I think very deeply, but am really useless at expressing my thoughts on paper, I have taken all of your comments on board though. Now not sure whether to get a DB coach or a therapist now?.

It's being a weird week, seeing H's brand new flat last week and some of the comments here kind of unbalanced me a bit. Hey ho.

I went from one extreme to the other on Monday and it back fired. Whatever changes I make, need to be subtle, I was in a flat mood on Monday and trying to digest comments I had read the night before and decided to bag up the remainder of h's clothes, take off my rings and stop allowing the pretence to continue...

I didn’t answer his calls at work either, (I knew he was calling me with a work matter, which I couldn’t discuss). I know I should have taken his call and explained that, but I didn't.

On Tuesday he sent me an email at work which said he had noticed that his clothes were bagged up, did I want him to come and clear his stuff from the attic, the shed and the garage as well?. I could tell he sounded p****d off. I didn't reply immediately, I just thought what a silly thing to ask. The majority of his clothes were still here, I'm not sure if he was upset b/c he felt I WAS moving on and closing the door on him or what. He moved out, has he half moved out intentionally? I don't know, but he needs his clothes.

On tuesday evening he came to collect S1 for his ski lesson and was angry with me, he accused me of withholding his calls to the boys and stopping the boys from calling him the previous evening (In fact I hadn’t deliberately withheld the calls from the boys we were busy and didn’t hear the answering machine on the landline, my mobile was still in my bag from work and unfortunately still on silent, when I noticed the missed calls h would have been working so there was no point in returning the calls). I went into flight mode and walked away from him. Later he was texting me saying how angry he was and we need to sit down and discuss a way forward and what we were going to do with the house. I knew this was anger talking and didn’t react, I replied saying I was sorry he was angry and I’d talk to him when he was calmer.

I have seen him today and things seem back to normal. He came in and chatted for half an hour.

Im not ready to let go and im not ready to shut the door just yet. I am taking on board the comments that im allowing him to act half married and half single and him not missing me because there’s nothing to miss b/c i'm there for him.

I was too cold on Monday, he didn’t like it and he didn’t like his clothes bagged up either. Rings are bag on again today, i'm not strong enough yet, Kalni I like the thought of a new diamond ring....but for now the rings stay on.

More later, need to collect D from work.

X Eve

[Jen_Jam]

I do like the title of the thread but you should have gone with the long version LOL

Glad to hear your H calmed down from his anger ... he has to accept he helped create the situation he's in. Ah well.

Nothing really to say, just wanted to chip in and say I'm still watching you

[seekpeaceofmind]

It sounds to me like you handled his snits well - at least you avoided what I am sure was a temptation to let him have it and get involved in a no-win argument. (I know I would have had the urge to fight back. . . ) You also weren't placating, and that is a good thing, IMO. You'll find your middle ground where you can be true to yourself and come at the DB challenge from a place of strength and authenticity.

[Evie]

Thanks Seek Jen,

I hate anger, my dad had a temper, my xh had a temper, i'm intermadiated by it. My H is not an angry man by nature, but he must think i push those buttons delibrately. I don't think he understands that i would never make him angry on purpose.

Jen - I don't think he accepts that the consequences are of a result of his actions. Thats his blind spot.

More later

X Eve