Well I have just about given up hope. My story is long but will attempt to condense the best I can. Had an internet porn addiction problem 14 months ago. Within 24 hours of WW discovery I had myself in a good 12 step program and had blocking software on computer. Wife supported my efforts but all along I loved to play poker and the porn addiction simply spilled over into a gambling problem. When I gambled I also drank get the picture. There is no doubt I caused my wife so very much heartache. I cannot imagine the pain she must have gone through at times.
Well she threw me out the beginning of August can't blame her for that. Se used some tough love however she placed her profile of dating sites and almost immediately started an EA. During the holidays my children wanted nothing to do with me this finally brought me to rock bottom. I cried out to God and repented and God has and is performing the most amazing transformation of Grace that one can imagine.
However I have just about come to conclusion that the price for my prodigal ways is the loss of my very best friend. Through the entire separation my wife and I had daily contact by phone or in person. Usually had lunch or dinner about once a week. Never had and argument and agreed on everthing with regard to parenting our s7. Never dreamed she was having EA.
After my recommittment to the Lord I expected her to break off the EA and begin R of our marriage. I should say that during that time of separation she filed for divorce. Again I was in such denial about everything that it never occurred to me that perhaps she meant business. Addictions can do that to you. Well for the last two months I have made more of a mess than done any good. At times we have really connected and the fog had lifted and she was my wife for short moments. However for the most part I disgust her and the OM is wonderful. I am sure most on here know the story.
Well Saturday night was the breaking point I drove to the house and the OM was there. To make the story short I very nicely asked him to leave and informed him that this was my home and my wife was still a married woman. He left, the wife was pissed but we talked about it. I spent night on the couch left next morning came back around 10 AM and she blows up like MT. St. Helens. Said the next day that she was getting restraining order and she was staying with affair. What a great job I have done in winning back the love of my life. Really feel it might be over. Didn't get served Monday or today. Learned she was home sick yesterday and think possible same today.
She said on a number of occasions that perhaps God would help her to find her way back to me. I wish I would have let God do the work and not tried to push myself. At this point it really is out of my hands and in Gods. Much more can be said about my personal recovery but for I will leave for later
Me 42 w w 53 m 17 yrs separated do to my addictions 8-8-07 d-day 12-20-07 ss 33 ss 30 sd 24 Adpt s 7
I didn't realize you weren't divorced when you gave him the boot (I remarked on someone else's thread about that). In that case, it may not be the worst thing ever. I don't blame you at all, or really consider that you blew it all that much. Seriously, she's married, it's your house. It was not unreasonable. Yes, she's mad now. She talked about a restraining order. If things were going okay before, then things will likely blow over. Just let her do the contacting, if there is to be any. Be nice, be friendly, don't overdo it, and just try to forget about this unless she brings it up.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Well last night when I left work phone rang it was S7 he said mommy dialed the phone for him because he couldn't dial the numbers fast enough. Had a nice talk with him them WAW grabbed the phone and said, I'm sick and can hardly get out of bed please come get him.
Of course I said I would be right over and that she should have called hours ago, she is so stubborn. Got there in 5 minutes and she was soooooo sick, and a burning fever. Ran to the market got some meds made sure she took them and said I would check on her in the morning. Got some school clothes for S7 and before I left she asked me to feed the horses, of course I did.
On way to take S7 to school this morning checked on her. Still has fever, made her some soup and put it in thermos, told her to eat it later as she was really run down. Took son to school and had IC appt at 8. We discussed what went wrong on Sat, he says my principles were correct but I should have left when she asked. Oh well can't seem to do anything right.
She called at 1pm said she was feeling a little better and made sure I was going to PU S7 from school. I told her thank you for the reminder but I had it under control.
Have spoken nothing of the Sat event perhaps it has blown over.
Me 42 w w 53 m 17 yrs separated do to my addictions 8-8-07 d-day 12-20-07 ss 33 ss 30 sd 24 Adpt s 7
hey jd... you've got a lot on your plate with 12 stepping and DBing. I applaud you. Take good care of yourself, as your stamina will be needed in the battles ahead.
Continue being kind and pleasant, but a man in control of himself, his urges and emotions.
Did you read DB yet? Another book Michele likes is 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Learn to love your wife in the way she needs to be loved. The two together can turn this around with intentional effort by you.
