Hi I don't post all that much. I have been separated sinc april 07 after discovering the affair sept 06. at the time of discovery I think I would have made a pact with the devil if it meant saving my marriage. Now I am so glad the devil wasn't buying.
The financials were settled this Jan. I was the one who pursued the legal separation to protect myself and I am glad that I did. My STBXH is paying off ow's debt and the debt that he has since accumulated with her.
I have two wonderful children, both attending university. Both were home with me this past week during their reading week. I have never understood why they call it that... reading is the furthest thing from their minds. I had so looked forward to having both my kids home and being able to spend time with them together. At their age 22and 20 it is sometimes difficult to coordinate. As soon as my daughter was home she began to cry. She had told her Dad what amount she had spent on her text books ( the court agreement was that we split these costs). My son choose to email his Dad after telling me that he was sure that his Dad would react with anger. I assured him that would not happen Boy was I wrong. My H yelled at our daughter telling her how irresponsible she was and what did she think he was, he had no money because he was paying for me and I had it all anyway.
I cried for both kids because I didn't want them to experience this pain and I also didn't want them to see this side of their Dad. I also have recognized the Mrs' Fixit" in me and wanted to make it right.
I got to work this morning and a young co-worker is getting married next weekend. She met me at my desk to talk about her Mom's not coming to her wedding because her Dad would be there. She is 22 and her parents have been divorced since she was 13.
I didn't want that for my kids, so I texted my H asking to meet him for coffee. He responded with ( Your calls are all be rerouted to your lawyer... they were during the legal separation of the financilas because he was on a campaign to control me and get his agenda met. then he said what do you want you have everything.)
My epiphany is that I get it. this man will never be able to see past himself to the impact of his choices on his kids, me or himself. will it always be my fault?. How sad. It doesn't matter if I reach out the olive branch I will continue to be the bane of his existence until he has his own epiphany, if ever. I also relaized this week end that my kids aren't asking me to fix it just to listen and be there.
Awww, LC, the kindest thing I can say is that your X is an idiot and your kids are lucky to have you.
He can yell and be an a$$ all he wants. Bottom line, he's obligated to pay. Too bad he doesn't give a rip what his kids think about his behavior. But, in the end, it's his loss. They'll be there for you if needed because of your actions now.
my motto is this too will pass. my feelings of sadness were because in thatmoment he really doesn't realize what he has in our two kids and the loss will truly be his.in his selfishness he has a way of making the kids feel as if they are burdens to him and then spins his anger at me.
my motto is this too will pass. my feelings of sadness were because in thatmoment he really doesn't realize what he has in our two kids and the loss will truly be his.in his selfishness he has a way of making the kids feel as if they are burdens to him and then spins his anger at me.
I have two kids the exact same age as yours. Mine are two girls.
I've been at this alot longer and it changes annie but it stays the same too. In other words, your feelings change, your kids feelings change............but the WAW's don't seem to. Atleast in my situation, my Ex is still selfish, it's still all about him, and it's been six years.
Keep that motto, it's a good one.............time helps annie, it really does, just hang in there. And remember sometimes we just can't fix some things, and that's ok.
I realized today that no matter what I woould have done, exactly as he wanted or stood up for me and my kids I still would be the one to blame for his unhappiness. I have "acted so unfair and calously towards him.
I believe he had a mid-life crisis; complete with a new motor cycle, new "friend", took up drinking and then the affair all over shadowed by depression.
Why do they rewrite history to fit where they are now? I have accepted that is his choice why can't he?
Why do they rewrite history to fit where they are now? I have accepted that is his choice why can't he?
That would require that they accept at least some of the blame for where things are. This way, they can completely avoid, or at least mostly, the guilt that they feel for what they have done.
BTW, my W is the world champion at this, refuses to even acknowledge that she is having an affair, yet locks herself in her room every evening and logs into her computer to carry on her long distance affair, complete with webcam! Must be tough to fit both of those personalities into one brain.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
