the arms that rock the cradle have all of the power. you have the kids not her. you will always be first and that will make her more and more insecure.
By crying on his shoulder because the man she was with before was engaged, he promised to break it off with his fiancee to be with her and he never did. He got married instead. She cried on my H's shoulder how she would never get involved with a guy who was taken ever again. Well guess what? She did, my H.
So I hoping that she will be afraid that my H will leave her. Maybe she is and just doesn't show it yet?
, I am told that I shoukld "wait for him outside his job to talk to him" - actual advice. it is so frustrating! I hope we get Happy's answer, too.
Yeah, I see you haven't done it yet. whatever, if you keep doing nothing, you will get nothing.
Your situation is different, but i have never seen a "fear" like yours. And I don't want to hear, your come backs really.
Stop asking happy, stuff, and go read his old theads. You know maybe DO something to look for answers, b/c everytime someone tries, you just say you are gone, and blah blah
Anewme is an angel from God, I was strong enough to get out of bed one day, b/c of one of her posts to me.
So the fact that her H is a drop out now, is very different than your situation WL.
Anewme has an H, that his life is crumbling before him and his pride is bigger than himself. God is chipping at that pride daily, b/c anewme's prayers are endless. But she doesn't just sit there, and wait,
She helps, others, she posts to others, she prays for our children, our family.
As we do for hers.
Happy is the reason, that i stopped hating Javier, and started forgiving him, even tho he was being an animal. B/c Happy is one of the peeps, that helped me realize, that the chip on my shoulder was keeping me stuck. I stopped answering back. I listened. I didnt say, you know what happy, I have done this, and i have done that.
B/c the way i was defending myself to happy, was the same way i was defending myself to Javier. I had to bite my cuban tongue. And listen, and learn.
I never knew anyone that was exactly like Javier. To the point of the words, the phrases, the hatred.
And now look at Happy.
Good grief, if his heart can be softened, well............
Any marriage here can be a miracle.
Last edited by Lissie; 02/25/0812:50 AM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I AM willing to listen to everything everyone says, I DO, in fact. It is all really helpful to me to me and helps me decide what I need to do in this situation, for ME. I cannot control H's reactions, or lack thereof, but I can control what I do and how those actions make ME feel. There is no blueprint that works for everyone, and getting all kinds of input is what works - FOR ME.
I honestly feel like sometimes people here don't get that I do hear what they say, and it does make a huge difference for me. I respect everyone here, it isn't easy to put your life on display like this.
This is the last place I expected people to make me feel like dirt. I DO search others threads,extensively, and I take the advicde of doing things for myself very seriously. I just happen to feel that STALKING, as I have been encouraged to do, is not good for ME, and isn't that the point? All I ask is that people stop making assumptions about what a terrible person I am. I am not lazy, unwilling, fearful, hard-headed, or viscious. I am hurting, and looking for my own roadmap to get me the H*LL out of this mess.
Anewme is an angel from God, I was strong enough to get out of bed one day, b/c of one of her posts to me.
I don't know about an angel from God but I am so happy to hear that I helped you. I have come to believe that is what God put me here for. That is why I teach the type of children I teach and that is why I have chosen counseling for my Masters program. I have had so much help from others throughout my life, I have to give back, it is my obligation to pay it forward.
When H sends me messages regarding finances. I am answering his questions with as much kindness and validation as I can find. I have even been thanking for time he has spent with S21 and S32 without OW (of course, I don't mention her, I just thank him for that time and tell him how much it means to them). Now if he could just reconnect with S18, I would feel better. I feel that the Lord has led me to stand because H and I are not done. I still have much work to do on me to get there.
Thank you so much Lissie for words. You have no idea how much they help me find the strength to go on. Happy, I think I have my answers. Thanks for leading me there all of you.
Last edited by ANewMe; 02/25/0801:08 AM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
WL, I never said you were terrible or lazy. I think I just implied that you don't want to listen. Whether you believe it or not, everyone is trying to give you constructive advice but you are looking for the "miracle" answer. Well I am sorry, there isn't any.
People can give you out tons of advice, you can read all the books out there, get your hands on all the information available, but until you actually sh!t and get off the pot, nothing is going to change.
Quote:
I am hurting
We all are. You are no different. You can sit around all day thinking about what to do or you can actually go and do it.
Quote:
looking for my own roadmap to get me the H*LL out of this mess
You mean to tell me that in all the advice that was given to you, nothing was for you? How do you know if you don't try?
Want Love, Just stop with the victim mentality. Stop trying to make people feel guilty. You have been offered suggestions and so many people here have tried to reach out to help you. But then you turn on them and tell us all that nobody understands or your situation isn't the same. Nobody here makes you feel like dirt, you choose to feel however you want to, but nobody here has done anything wrong. It is what it is.....
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
