If you get banned, just come back under another name, ok? I really hope they don't ban you, but these boards have been going thru some changes that not many people here are happy with.
stop thinking and assuming. let this one go it isnt worth it. i think that this has to do with avoiding a potentially uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. one day he will have alot of explaining to do.
I also think it has to do with the fact that he knows most of his family is on my side through this. I think it kills them that they aren't excepting of his new life and they still consider me as family.
His own Grandmother said that if it was up to her, she would rather have me there then him. But MIL wants her son there (understandably) so she asked H's grandmother to uninvite me.
Blood IS thicker than water.
Another question? He has been gone for over a year and half now, over 2 emotionally. Do I continue to be his friend (which hasn't seem to gotten me anywhere) or is it time to go as dark as possible (we have 2 kids)?
how can you go dark when there are kids involved its too hard. are you his friend i mean can he see the changes in you? do you validate him and make him feel good about himself and thank him when he brings the kids home or give you money? do you ask his advice about things and act like you really care about what he has to say. or do you react each time he is a jerk instead of letting it go ?your marriage is not hopeless but you are going to have to be the grown up as he is still acting like the teen runaway.
Not to hijack, Mrs. H, but I'm curious of Happy's opinion on a MLCer who is a major drop-out - no contact at all. How can I show I am here for him, value his opinion, and that I am his friend - all very true - when there has been NO contact for months and months? Your insight is MUCH appreciated.
how can you go dark when there are kids involved its too hard.
Tell me about it. Sometimes though I think for my own sanity I go dim on him.
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are you his friend i mean can he see the changes in you?
Well only he can answer the second part of that question, but yes, I am nice to him, I validate (but even with that he seems to be getting annoyed with me validating). I thank him when I can. For the most part, I don't react to him when he is a jerk, but hey, I am human so sometimes I slip.
I think part of the problem that hurts me is that when we do seem to get along, he is being really nice, I get my hopes up and then he does something that is really hurtful which makes me realize that the babysteps that I thought were there, weren't.
Snodderly and BND said that my H is a really hard one to crack. He has this distorted view of me and no matter how hard I try, that view doesn't change.
One thing I find funny is that my L and I sent his L and him proposal agreement papers weeks ago and we still haven't heard a word from them. He tells me the other day when he wasn't getting his way about something to have my L get a move on already. I didn't respond to that TM. My L is not the one holding it up.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah...I guess I felt like he was stalling the divorce but then he does something which makes me realize he is still on the fast track to divorce.
his view will change when he gets away from the ow and as long as she is singing sweet nothings in his ear all of your efforts are falling on deaf ears. wait it out iot wont be much longer.
Oh, I left out some answers to your questions. I think this cold medicine I took went straight to my head!
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do you ask his advice about things
I have, but then he gets P^ssed when I do. He says "my opinion never mattered before to you, so now you can't have it."
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act like you really care about what he has to say.
Yes, I have learned to keep my mouth shut and not interrupted him mid sentence like I used too. Even when there is spew coming from his mouth.
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do you react each time he is a jerk instead of letting it go ?
I am learning to pick my battles. For instance, he is supposed to only have the kids from Friday to Sunday, but last Sunday he wouldn't give them back to me so we could go to my Mom's for a couple of days. I didn't argue with him but I insisted on the visitation time. He wouldn't let go, I wouldn't let go, and finally I let him have his way. He ended up being really pleasant to me for the next couple of days, but then out of nowhere, he insisted that I not come to the family function. Just when I thought that we were having a babystep.
Oh yeah...I guess I felt like he was stalling the divorce but then he does something which makes me realize he is still on the fast track to divorce.