New to DB

[FloridaTech]

I have come over here to see if I can get some help. I have been at Marriage Builders for some time. Mostly reading and getting help from people thru e-mail.

I have been living in an in house separation since March '07. After many years of my neglecting the marriage and living a self centered life she decided to get a divorce and start an online EA in Feb. No contact was reached in May.

She still does not want to work on saving the marriage. She wants to continue to sleep in different rooms and live together for our 3 kids. She is in college working on her BS degree and has about 2 years till she graduates. She has talked about possibly filing then.

I have dropped my selfishness and but her and the kids before myself. There is still so much that I can continue to change in myself. Hopefully thru time she will see these changes and wish to reengage in the relationship. Until then I ask for your advice and prayers as we all work together to build stronger marriages.

[Diehard]

Sounds like you are already doing what you need to do. Continue to take care of yourself and your children, improve what you know needs to be done with yourself, and pray. There are a lot better advice givers than I around here, hopefully the will chime in soon. Every time I pray I pray for every soul out there trying to save their marriage including you. Stay strong and God will carry you through this he will guide you where you need to be all you have to do is talk to him......God bless

[sgctxok]

Hi Florida....

Michele has given seminars with Marriage Builders. There's lots of good information....some differences in solutions, but both good places.

Have you read DIVORCE REMEDY?

[sgctxok]

Hi Florida....

Michele has given seminars with Marriage Builders. There's lots of good information....some differences in solutions, but both good places.

Have you read DIVORCE REMEDY?

[sgctxok]

Hi Florida....

Michele has given seminars with Marriage Builders. There's lots of good information....some differences in solutions, but both good places.

Have you read DIVORCE REMEDY? I'd advise you to start there. Otherwise, what is positive in your relationship, and what are your wife's complaints?

Hang in there....saying a prayer as we speak.

[FloridaTech]

I have not read any of Michelle's books yet. I have read over some of her site and have a list of things to do from 180.

Positives are other than any form of intimacy between us the household is running smooth now. We do all activities as a family (dinner, church, shopping) Other than when it is bed time there is little to no difference. We seldom argue anymore because both of us are willing to listen to each other and not be disrespectful when we talk.

Issues she has in the relationship are/were: verbal and emotional abuse. Sexual addiction (porn), lack of family leadership, not keeping up with the finances.

All of these have been addressed with counseling and are nonexistent anymore except for finances which are starting to get straightened out.

I know that time is needed to show consistant change. We are approaching the 1 year mark of seperation. With her not willing to divorce until she graduates, I have atleast another 1 1/2 to 2 years to stay consistant.

She also posted at MB for several years and knows full well the plans that they suggest. I think that she has read some from here but is not as knowledgeable with Michelle's ideas. I am hoping that using a different approach will allow me to jump start the relationship without her knowing the plan.

[FloridaTech]

In what book does Michelle discuss the 180 plan?

[Pinkribbon]

BTW does your wife work?

[FloridaTech]

No, but she is going to college part time. She is currently taking 2 classes. She should graduate in about 2 years at her current pace.

[Pinkribbon]

I don't understand. She doesn't want to be married to you but wants to use your money. She wants an EA with someone else while you foot the bill. Something doesn't seen right with this picture.