Hope you are having fun keeping up with your boys! Wearing them out before they wear you down is the key - use their activeness to YOUR advantage! I bet you are a great dad!
Thanks for your reply - I have done a good job at detaching over the last 2 days. H has called several times today just to chat - this is an unusual occurrence these days.
One of my long term goals to change in my situation with H is to stop parenting him. I know that i have to let him choose the life he wants to lead - and you have helped me step back and see the big picture here... THis is what all of his waffling about our R and his irresponsibility in other areas of life are all about - he is trying to grow up!! I should see these as his growing experiences. He will only learn how to be an adult by making mistakes!! He was pretty sheltered growing up and did not have to struggle much at all, he was also afraid when he was younger to take any risks, make any big decisions. Although he is late getting here, he is moving toward being the grown up I would like him to be. I just have not been looking at it the way I should - I have been taking his acting out personally. Yes, it but only I can control how much I let it. And if I play it right, he may realize that he does want this life we have together. If I play it wrong, he will see me as the critical parent, and we both lose. I know which one I prefer!
I am moving quicker to centering when things like this happen - maybe one day I'll get to the point where it is instinctual - where I don't need to picture you sitting on my shoulder!
I want to know how you are doing - for real!! You are so helpful to people - but sometimes I wonder if you don't need to lean on others once in a while. I know you are working on you, waiting on the other side of all of this for your W to take her journey - but does it get to you?- what kinds of thoughts go through your head when you get down? Or are you in such a cool place that it just is....
No pressure if you don't want to talk about it - You were so kind to pull me back in play when you sensed something was up - I just want to make sure you know you have an ear if you need one.
Are you planning something special for when W comes home? I am working on something unexpected as you suggested - let ya know how he likes it
Neely& Violet - I apologize for not responding to your thoughtful posts earlier.
I am giving a lot of thought about the children issue - and I know that I will not be ready until I feel things have settled down here consistently. The last thing in the world I want to do is bring a child into a chaotic household.
I am beginning to wonder if it is a good idea at all with the marital problems we have had - I read so much about couples whose problems BEGIN once they have children. I just don't know if it is wise. Most of the children I teach come from families that have split - I don't want to put a child through that.
It is so interesting how this all works.
On Friday, H and I were shopping with my sis - and he sees a pregnant woman walking across the parking lot and says - Hey B that's you in 6 months with a big smile and a wink!! This from the guy who in the last year has told me he doesn't think he wants to be married 3 times!! And who just two weeks ago went out for a beer without his wedding ring - "to see what it felt like" !!! I just laughed and didn't say a word - no need to respond at all!
Maybe one day he will grow up enough so that we can have a family - till then- I've got plenty of work to do. Thanks for the encouragement.
I bet you are a great dad!
