I thought this was great to see and yes, I think it would help for many marriages, although as we all know, the sl is frequently symptomatic of other issues in the M. I have suggested this to my wife as an experiment to try for one month, but never gotten anywhere.
Ironically, I think my wife's religious upbringing has a lot to do with our issues in that she was raised in a Catholic family (as was I) with traditional Catholic views on sex (for procreation, don't mb, etc.) and went to Catholic school k-12, frequently taught by nuns who reinforced this mentality. The troubles this has created in our M is one of the reasons I have struggled with aspects of my faith in recent years. I think this church has a much healthier approach (at least on this issue).
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Yea, I'm not religious at all, but I never got why sex is HORRIBLE and the worst thing ever. It's drilled into your heads, no mb, no sexy thoughts, stuff like that. But then BAM, you get married and everything that has been drilled into your head should just go away. Sex is the best, it's great, everyone should do it. I think it would be hard to flip that switch all of a sudden.
Kellie ------ Me - 27 H - 31 S - born 8/18/2007 Married - 4/24/2005 Together - 7/03/2002
Yea, I'm not religious at all, but I never got why sex is HORRIBLE and the worst thing ever. It's drilled into your heads, no mb, no sexy thoughts, stuff like that. But then BAM, you get married and everything that has been drilled into your head should just go away. Sex is the best, it's great, everyone should do it. I think it would be hard to flip that switch all of a sudden.
I have had a difficult time "flipping that switch." As a young adult, I was very much into the purity movement. I remained a virgin until I was married, wore a purity ring, carried a purity card, etc. I was very outspoken about my choice to remain a virgin until I was married because of Biblical principals. On my wedding night after sex I went into the bathroom and cried because I was mourning the loss of my virginity....serious as stupid as that sounds now, it was a big deal to me at that time. It has been very difficult for me to open sexually to my husband. In a way I regret waiting until marriage so that it wouldn't seem so scary to me. All of this has caused a lot of strife in my M. Just yesterday my H asked me if I even know how to please a man....obviously I don't because I don't have that experience.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Just yesterday my H asked me if I even know how to please a man....obviously I don't because I don't have that experience. Starshyne, his words are code for lets do something different. Drop your thoughts that you don't please him, because most like you do please him. He wants to strech the envelope.
Even as a male, I had trouble flipping the switch after all those years of hearing don't do this or that. Good girls don't like xyz. Well my W liked xyz 40 years ago but not any more.
Does your H know how you work sexually? Most guys think abc works for all most or women which is false knowledge. Tell him what you like.
Give visable and verbal clues when he does something right. I can say from experience, I find that my W gives out very few clues/signs as to what she likes and she doesn't like much.
With so few clues as to what I do correctly and her being selective, sometimes I feel like giving up.
There was on old thread about faking orgasams. The end advice was don't fake but ask for what works for you. Maybe faking is not an issue in your M. Guys also need to know "O"s are not always the goal of a W. He needs to accep that.
Just yesterday my H asked me if I even know how to please a man....obviously I don't because I don't have that experience. Starshyne, his words are code for lets do something different. Drop your thoughts that you don't please him, because most like you do please him. He wants to strech the envelope.
Even as a male, I had trouble flipping the switch after all those years of hearing don't do this or that. Good girls don't like xyz. Well my W liked xyz 40 years ago but not any more.
Does your H know how you work sexually? Most guys think abc works for all most or women which is false knowledge. Tell him what you like.
Give visable and verbal clues when he does something right. I can say from experience, I find that my W gives out very few clues/signs as to what she likes and she doesn't like much.
With so few clues as to what I do correctly and her being selective, sometimes I feel like giving up.
There was on old thread about faking orgasams. The end advice was don't fake but ask for what works for you. Maybe faking is not an issue in your M. Guys also need to know "O"s are not always the goal of a W. He needs to accep that.
That is my short version.
Sign me up for the 30 days sex program.
Lou
I wish that were true, Lou. However my H does not find me attractive sexually and says that I can't arouse him. He is extremely unhappy with our sex and he says that I don't please him. The sexual things we did yesterday was a total failure and I do blame myself. Although I think his depression could have something to do with it.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
On the one hand the Bible does ask you to abstain from sex until marriage, but on the other hand, the Song of Solomen is essentially the BEST marriage advice I have ever seen. It is very graphic and it makes it very clear that married couples are to ENJOY sex, and the only real limits on sex are to not cause harm to each other, and to not involve others. Other then that, the sky is the limit. There are all kinds of books on sex written by christians. There is nothing dirty about it at all.
grin, sex every day, that would be nice in a perfect world. The truth is somedays I can barely make it to the bed from shear exhaustion. While sex is nice more often than not I find that there is so much more going on in my mind than just the sex. I am one that enjoys pleasing, I also enjoy the closeness so its not just sex, its intimacy. Being close to that person that I love in this manner every day, lol several times a day, I am all for it.
I think I'll send the link to my W to see if she's up for the challenge. Here's something that just occurred to me and comes back to communication in general...
Does my definition of sex differ from my W's? I know this has been a sore spot in the past. When I've asked for more intimacy, my W thinks I'm asking for intercourse, but I don't necessarily always want or need this. I really do enjoy just being physically close. Maybe that's what the challenge could be for us... Dedicate at least 5 or 10 minutes daily to close, physical intimacy. If it leads to more, great. If not, that's okay too.
