3) I am broke and my affairs are in a bit of a mess. Any kind of "mess" in combination with sexuality makes me a bit of a slut almost by definition.
Wow. Just wow. Really?????? Because, seriously, I can think of a lot of things that might cause a woman to be labeled "slut", but financial irresponsibility isn't even on the RADAR. I understand that you think this is FOO, but I'm really fogged as to how those two things *ever* got connected up inside you.
I don't think you should "clean up your act" financially and just general-life-organizationally so that you can feel like you've "earned the candy", sexually. I think you should do your necessary sweeping up for your own peace of mind and to balance the zoo, yes. And, yes, also if it helps you to not feel one down with these captains of industry or anyone with their finanical house in reasonable order. If that's the weight on the scale that's causing you to go all passive, not *sexually*, but in terms of "where this relationship is/should be going", then by all means do the work and get some perceived parity.
But, Mojo, your sex life need have *nothing* to do with your fiscal status. Sheesh. That's like saying, "Well, I don't have my SCUBA certificate, so if I were a good girl I would stay off this lovely rollercoaster."
That said, I think you may have gotten stuck in the headiness of all your reclaimed sexual prowess and regalia-displaying, to the detriment of areas where you feel less competent and therefore less motivated ... so some donning of overalls and rolling up of sleeves is probably in order .... but I think you already know that it's time for some lioness rehab.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Wow. Just wow. Really?????? Because, seriously, I can think of a lot of things that might cause a woman to be labeled "slut", but financial irresponsibility isn't even on the RADAR. I understand that you think this is FOO, but I'm really fogged as to how those two things *ever* got connected up inside you.
Because my mother was bi-polar and her main manic behavior was being a shop-a-holic. My parents constantly fought about her spending so it was my perception that my father didn't love or respect my mother for that reason. Therefore, my "feeling" is that a man couldn't love or respect me if I'm not financially responsible. Therefore if I have sex when my finances are a mess, I am having sex in a situation in which I can't possibly be loved or respected. Therefore, I am a slut.
OTOH, this caused problems in my marriage because it made me highly resistant to my 2bx's suggestions that, for instance, he might find me more sexy if I didn't wear the same pair of beat-down flip-flops every day. I thought I was being a "good" wife (not like my mother) by not spending money on myself. Another problem was that although I am not bi-polar, I am Type 7 and my need to kind of "make new things happen" is kind of like my mother's need to shop so it's like my mother's tendencies would leak out around the edges with me but instead of going to the mall and spending $1000 on clothing, I would go to a rummage sale and buy a lithography machine for $10 which would sit in the middle of our living room for 6 mos. or tear up a large portion of the yard to make a wild flower garden which would become a weed jungle when I moved on to my next project etc. etc. My anal-retentive, depressive control freak of a 2bx couldn't handle that kind of stuff so he would get mad at me. Now, I know my faults and I'm actually okay with somebody yelling at me for making a mess or acting a little like a crazy space-cadet. What I wasn't okay with was the fact that my 2bx never, ever was willing to hug/f*ck and make-up. I think this is because when I was a girl I would do stuff that would make my father lose his black Irish temper like try to make the toilets in my doll house really work or climb up in trees and get stuck but he wouldn't ever not give me a hug if I was crying or leave me up in the tree by myself. I try to be good. I can't help it if I get bored with coloring inside the lines with my knees together all the time.
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I know my lioness needs some work and I know how to motivate her . I've just been procrastinating and working in other parts of the zoo. Yesterday I bought a copy of "The 4-Hour Workweek". However, I also bought a copy of "How Not to Look Old". Since my monkey is my strongest animal it works best for me if I mix-in some new ideas so I can get her to help with re-hab in other areas of the zoo. It was actually kind of amusing to pretend like I was okay with FSG making me a kept woman (he did kind of offer). It was rather relaxing for a weekend to just pad around his place in my pink lace boyshorts, eating Twizzlers and watching cable TV while he did his workaholic stuff but I'm sure it would get boring in the long run.
Last edited by MJontheMend; 02/19/0801:41 PM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yeah, I don't think you would thrive on being a kept woman, long-term.
Actually, my S. is a pussycat, but a pussycat who thrives on order, completion, and relative peace in his physical space. You wouldn't get on at all, in terms of actually *living together*. I hope you find someone like my best guy friend ... he wouldn't notice if you ran a Barbie Dream Car track permanently through the living room as long as he got to chase you around it giggling and catch you in the bedroom. And there wouldn't be a shred of condescension in it; he honestly wouldn't care as long as *his* priorities (fun, talk, and sex) were getting met and you hadn't *totally* cleaned out the bank account. Not to say that there's not value in order and responsibility; you just need someone who won't turn up his aristocratic WASPy nose at you when some creative monkey chaos ensues, as it undoubtedly will....
Ok, new book idea: "How To Maintain A .7 Waist-to-Hip Ratio Through Meticulous Accounting".
giggle.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Mojo, you know fiscal responsibility is big in my mind. I don't see any problems with your financial situation that is all your fault.
Given the circumstances of your life, if I was FSG and saw the work you do with your book sales, I would think you are about where you should be financially. I mean that in a way that would say, not much money but she is industrious and doing what she can. It is the people that earn more and have less that I would wonder about.
Of course, I don't know what PAL or you earned or how you spent your money or how you got to where you are finically..
Mo, ask yourself, "Am I doing as much as I reasonably can with the resources I have right now." If so don't beat yourself up. If you need to tweak a few things, do them.
It all comes down to "doing well with what you have." Most likely, a one legged guy isn’t going to win the Boston marathon.
(a)Therefore, my "feeling" is that a man couldn't love or respect me if I'm not financially responsible. (b)Therefore if I have sex when my finances are a mess, I am having sex in a situation in which I can't possibly be loved or respected. Therefore, (c)I am a slut. (a) Could be true. (b) Not logically connected to (a) (c) What???? Not even connected to (a)
Heh. Well, he's not on the market, and I could give you a LONG list of drawbacks -- what are friends for, grin? -- but I'll tell him you said that; it'll warm the cockles of his little wolfkey heart.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
