Last leg of S and I'm not sure I can hold on

[Gingersnap]

Coming out of lurkdom to give an update on my sitch. We've been separated 6 months in March. H was the typical withdrawn, angry WAS and got himself an apartment after his dad died. I DB'd immediately and had a fairly smooth S. Regular ILY's and him saying he wanted us to work.

He signed us up for Retrouvaille and the weekend was incredible. We went 2nd week in Jan. and he says it was a turning point for him. As a conflict avoider he always said he couldn't communicate. He finally learned how to and swears this new way of life is how it will be from now on. A lot of the reasons for his anger and hostility came out during the weekend, and he admits he made life very difficult for me. I owned up to my side of the mess as well.

So all in all a good DBing story, right? Well now I'm struggling. If we've "fixed" all our mess isn't it time for him to quit playing Bachelor and come home? I just don't get it at all. He surprised me for Valentine's and took me away on a romantic weekend. He comes over and stays about 2 nights/week....but the other nights, usually when he works the next day, he's at his apartment.

I'm feeling very resentful that he hasn't asked to come home yet. He did give the apartment notice that he won't be renewing the lease, which is up at the end of March. But WHY is he hanging out there still? We're working on communication, no arguments since December, regular sex (wondering if this should stop) and phone convos every day ending in ILY.

And on the flip side I'm not even sure HOW I feel about him coming home. The S makes me angry. Each day that passes makes it worse for me. I withdraw from him as a protective measure. He feels closer to me and acts very much in love. But to me the fact that we are still S keeps me from opening up and risking another broken heart.

Anyone been here? Advice? I'm so good at DBing I don't know when to stop....but at some point real honesty has to come into play. I have *broken down* about this and he was supportive. He said my feelings matter and I shouldn't try to hold them in, etc. But in talking me through my feelings the real issue was never addressed.

To make matters worse from my perspective I can NEVER get him on the phone. He has a cell phone with a broken connection where you plug it in. So it's hard to get it to charge and he cannot be reached after work at all. He calls every night on the way to his apartment and before sleep - so I really don't believe there's an OW...but it really ticks me off that if I needed him I couldn't reach him. And he won't get another phone...they are about $400 without renewing a contract and he says it's not worth it. I told him it WAS worth it but we're at an impasse.

I just unplugged all my phones and turned off my cell. I'm just tired of all of this being on his terms.

How do I get rid of the resentment? Help!!! TIA!