I really need him to acknowledge that what he did was wrong and inappropriate whether things were physical or not. I need him to understand that.
When we were in MC, the counselor tried to tell him that you aren't supposed to have a friend of the opposite sex that your spouse doesn't know. I just feel like I need an explanation for being so close to her, for the phone calls, for the text messages, and for moving in with her. I have told him that before and he says he can't explain it. He does tell me that what he had with her and the things they talked about was on the surface and shallow. He says it was never anything deep like we had.
I remember in one of my individual counseling sessions, which was right after H's she asked me to tell her all the reasons I thought H was having an A. I told her and then she said she just wanted to make sure she wasn't missing anything. Then she said "I have just talked to your H, and I have heard everything you have to say and unless your H is a REALLY good liar...he is not having an A." ...Although at the time neither one of us knew that he was living with OW.
Wow, I really need to stop harping on this. I really feel myself getting mad all over again. I do think counseling would help him understand my feelings in all of this.
Hmmm....not sure yet what I am doing for the weekend...just glad I won't be working!
Ok, I came across some emails that my H sent me when he was in Iraq. I can totally tell that he has been a different person since he got back.
He was so sweet. He wrote me everyday and every email says how much he misses me and that he love me more than I could ever know. He says how lucky he is to be married to such a wonderful person that cares and supports him like I do. Where did things go wrong???? It just wasn't that long ago.
He is such a different person and I really don't like the person he has become. I miss him so much. Maybe it was a bad idea to read those but it has gotten me very down about the situation. It has really reminded me of the person that I fell in love with and I don't know if he can ever be that person again.
I don't know what to say other than I feel exactly the same way. I don't know what changed, where I supposedly failed, and I don't like the person he is now. And I seriously wonder whether he'll ever be the guy I remember. And then I wonder WTF I'm bothering to wait around for. The sweet, dependable, honest, relaxed, wonderful guy that I knew for so many years is completely AWOL. And I wonder how much of it is his depression and how much of it was his experiences in Iraq, and whether he can go back to how he was, the guy I fell in love with.
Considering my mood today, I'm in no position to try and cheer you up. So just ignore me.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I guess I am just in a funk right now. Even if H does want to reconcile, I don't want to be with the person he is now. I know that. I don't like him right now. Even though he is being nicer and spending time with me...I just don't like him. He is depressing and spending time with him is emotionally draining. He isn't the person I fell in love with. I am not sure if he ever will be again.
I actually think I was happier and in a better place before he ever called and before he ever moved back here. I hate to say it, but it is true. I guess I just need to figure out how long I am going to wait...but i have to say that I am close to the end of my rope. If he doesn't start putting forth some effort soon I may go and file myself. I can't be in limbo forever.
So today I go and check the mail and there is something with OW's name on it...with MY address on it. What is that about?? I have no idea why it would have my address on it. Just adds to the funk I am currently in...
That is totally bizarre. Did the post office mess up the forwarding or was it actually sent to your address with her name on it? In either case, how f'in weird. Do you think it was really meant for H or for OW?
I have a similar dilemma with my H. I don't like the person he is right now, and he's acting so different from the guy I fell in love with, in everything, work, school, life, love, etc. I really wonder if I'd even want to work things out sometimes. A lot of the time my desire to work things out comes down to sheer stubbornness - I promised.
You took time to work on yourself, it sounds like your H needs to do the same. Hopefully the job and stuff will settle down soon. Is he still taking the ADs?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Nope, it actually had my address with her name on it. I think it is bizarre too. I took it to him today...which started a conversation about her. I told him I just try to put her out of my mind and then something happens to make me think of her again. I said "I just can't help but think if she had never come into our lives then things would be totally different right now." He said "I believe that too." I couldn't believe he said that. That was actually the first time he has said this. It made me feel better that he thinks that too. He told me she was crazy and I asked why he thinks that. He said he didn't want to talk about it and I asked why not. He replied with because he didn't want to think about her or talk about her, he said he was trying to forget that she ever even existed. ...He still maintains that nothing physical ever happened between them.
So I am going out tonight with friends and invited him along. He said he would come but he didn't really seem like he wanted to. He gets anxiety in crowds sometimes, especially if he feels like he is the only person who doesn't know anyone. We'll see how it goes. I told him if he felt uncomfortable we would leave.
He is still taking the ADs, but he will run out of his prescription soon. He needs to make another Dr. appointment. He had a second interview at Lowe's and he said he felt pretty good about it, and they want him to come back Monday and talk to one more person. I think the interview today really boosted his confidence and if he gets it, I think it will do wonders for him and his PMA.
Wow. That's a pretty big admission/apology from him. I'm glad he's avoiding her. At some point in the future he may be more willing to talk about it...he probably has a lot of regrets and guilt right now and since you are the one who got hurt he'd be embarrassed to talk about it.
I hope you guys have a good time tonight.
I have my fingers crossed about the interview.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, I think that is what I was needing from him...just some kind of acknowledgement that it was wrong. That it messed things up for us. I got pretty mad when we first started talking about her, and then apologized. He said I shouldn't apologize that he deserved whatever anger I had about it. I did drop it when he asked me to and hopefully with time we can talk about things enough for me to deal with my feelings. I am so glad he is avoiding her, and I do believe him when he says that. My mother said to me yesterday...if he wanted her, then why would have moved here? She has a good point.
We had a good time last night. We went out and I think he actually had fun. I ended up spending the night at his apartment and it was nice. I think we both seemed really comfortable last night and this morning. I think his level of comfort probably comes from how I act around him. I definitely felt more comfortable after our convo about OW. It was almost like a relief. I guess I just had this fear that he regretted moving here and wished he was still with her.
I have my fingers crossed about the interview too. I really think if he has a job that he is proud of it will do wonders for him and for our relationship.
