I will try this again with a clearer head..help

[Chevelle]

P.S....Another thing based on King David's story..

Now, if W wanted out, and God wanted the M to survive, couldnt He have interceded in some way, since I wanted it, and I knew it would give thanks and praise to the Lord?

Now, He has given me the tools to make me in an image now that any woman would be proud, I feel..now most Christians I think would tend to believe that somewhere God will open Ws eyes for her, and let her see what she is leaving, and at least give her the opportunity to come back...but what if it doesnt happen?

That seems to be my dilemma right now...

God Bless

Chevelle

[Confused_in_AZ]

Chevelle,

One plus year Post-D and I am in the same boat as you. Really struggling with it and Lent/Easter doesn't help!

[Chevelle]

Well, I guess the thing I see from this, is that OM is pushing for her to get this....she gave me nothing but excuses and cop-outs for getting this D going. After 2 years! Why has she waited so long, if she has felt this way for that same timeframe?

She said she has procrastinated...listen, W has never been one...so this is a shock to anyone that knows her...She meets this guy two weks ago, and already she is in love, went on a weekend getaway with him, and now seems ready to D me all of a sudden?..

Something ain't jiving..I mean I knew this would happen, but not like this, something's afoot..but I know that is none of my business anymore, more of a curiousity..

God Bless

Chevelle

[No_More_Dodo]

P.S....Another thing based on King David's story..

Now, if W wanted out, and God wanted the M to survive, couldnt He have interceded in some way, since I wanted it, and I knew it would give thanks and praise to the Lord?

Now, He has given me the tools to make me in an image now that any woman would be proud, I feel..now most Christians I think would tend to believe that somewhere God will open Ws eyes for her, and let her see what she is leaving, and at least give her the opportunity to come back...but what if it doesnt happen?

That seems to be my dilemma right now...

God Bless

Chevelle

Chevelle,

We could argue theology forever. I think if you gave the following facts to the pastor of any Bible believing church (AoG, Baptist, EvFree, etc.), he would say you could Biblically divorce your wife based on the following:

1. You were not the perfect H
2. She was not the perfect W
3. You wanted to work on M; she did not
4. She chose to leave the M
5. She chose to have sex with other men
6. She has stated she wants a D

I know a very few radicals would say you should stand for your M. I would TOTALLY agree if there was not Adultery involved. However, there clearly is…..

I would personally not press for a D immediately. However, I think you could given the facts. If she wants to press on with the D, I would facilitate it.

In the end, you need to move on.... I am certain God has something great in store for you...

No_More_Dodo

[No_More_Dodo]

Well, I guess the thing I see from this, is that OM is pushing for her to get this....she gave me nothing but excuses and cop-outs for getting this D going. After 2 years! Why has she waited so long, if she has felt this way for that same timeframe?

She said she has procrastinated...listen, W has never been one...so this is a shock to anyone that knows her...She meets this guy two weks ago, and already she is in love, went on a weekend getaway with him, and now seems ready to D me all of a sudden?..

Something ain't jiving..I mean I knew this would happen, but not like this, something's afoot..but I know that is none of my business anymore, more of a curiousity..

God Bless

Chevelle

Chevelle,

RUN.... DON'T WALK......... Just think, this woman has had two years to change on work on the M...... She is out with another guy.....

No_More_Dodo

[Chevelle]

I know, Dodo...I guess im worried more as a friend now, than anything...someone is going to get hurt in this..

[No_More_Dodo]

Chevelle,

One plus year Post-D and I am in the same boat as you. Really struggling with it and Lent/Easter doesn't help!

CIAZ,

I would not look back.... Your wife made her choices...... You need a woman who understands what M is REALLY about.... I would focus on finding "the one"......

I looked for six months and spent countless hours sifting through women to find my W..... It was like another full time job... However, in His time, God lead me to her.... And told me she would be my wife BEFORE we even spoke on the phone.... He totally blew me away... You need to roll up your sleeves and get to work!

No_More_Dodo

[No_More_Dodo]

I know, Dodo...I guess im worried more as a friend now, than anything...someone is going to get hurt in this..

Chevelle,

Someone already did... You!!!!

No_More_Dodo

[Dom R]

good morning

Now, the other unsure thing is, God hates divorce..ok. Now if the D happens anyway because of Ws free will, Im sure God realizes I have done all that could be based on that. So, for me to let her have D, God can work on me, and perform miracles with me that will glorify Him, and let me know that it was ok to let the D happen..

I reckon that is a very bibically clean set of statements.
Btw: in most states, you cant "stop" the divorce. And even in those other states... all she has to do is move to another state for 6 months, and file there!
So, you "letting her" have a divorce, doesnt make sense to begin with. There's really only a matter of whether you are also pushing for it to go faster or not.

I just dont understand sometimes how if God hates divorce...even if it happens, how does God view us then..as sinning if we have other Rs and a potential new W? Even if we did all we could to save the M?

The bible is fairly clear on that point also.
1st Corinthians 7:15
If you do everything you can to be a good husband and save the marriage.. but SHE still pushes the divorce through for selfish reasons... then there is no sin on your side.
(Just so long as the "other Rs" happen AFTER the divorce!!!)

Now, if W wanted out, and God wanted the M to survive, couldnt He have interceded in some way, since I wanted it, and I knew it would give thanks and praise to the Lord?

You wanted it... but your wife did not. That would interfere with her free will, would it not?

[hope that ... ]God will open Ws eyes for her, and let her see what she is leaving, and at least give her the opportunity to come back...but what if it doesnt happen?

It may very well not happen. you need to be prepared for that.
Amoung other things, your faith and Christianity is being tested right now. Are you willing to "do the right thing",even when it could mean you will never effectively be married again?
Sad but true story:
I have an aunt. wonderful woman. kind, Christian...
Her husband separated from her, because of a fight over his doubts of her in a particular area.
She lived as a separated (non-dating, faithful) woman, until he died.
for 20 years.

Sad for her... but very inspiring for me, both from the perspective of, "it is doable", and also inspiring by the results that it had in her life.
She missed out on having a loving spouse with her... but she has children who love her (and come visit her frequently), and good friends who love and respect her. She has a good life.
It's not the life she probably would have chosen, if she had HER way. But she chose God's way. And through Him.. she had a good life of His choosing.

An excellent example of, "Do the right thing, and then take your happiness from knowing you are doing good", , over
"Do whatever you feel like doing, and then try to convince yourself that what you want to do, is also 'the right thing to do'"

[No_More_Dodo]

Sad but true story:
I have an aunt. wonderful woman. kind, Christian...
Her husband separated from her, because of a fight over his doubts of her in a particular area.
She lived as a separated (non-dating, faithful) woman, until he died.
for 20 years.

Sad for her... but very inspiring for me, both from the perspective of, "it is doable", and also inspiring by the results that it had in her life.
She missed out on having a loving spouse with her... but she has children who love her (and come visit her frequently), and good friends who love and respect her. She has a good life.
It's not the life she probably would have chosen, if she had HER way. But she chose God's way. And through Him.. she had a good life of His choosing.

An excellent example of, "Do the right thing, and then take your happiness from knowing you are doing good", , over
"Do whatever you feel like doing, and then try to convince yourself that what you want to do, is also 'the right thing to do'"

Dom R,

I appreciate your aunt's stance....

However, some people are fine without a mate.... They have an unhealthy focus on their children (like my aunt - still focused on her "boys" living at home (44 and 52 years old)).... Others have no desire for a spouse to have a physical relationship (see my aunt again).... It depends upon the person...

While others will not remarry.... They will engage in various types of sexual sins (premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, etc.)....

When your spouse leaves, divorces you and has a sexual relationship with another, I think it preferable for one to look for another spouse. This is not the idealogical theologian in me. Rather, it is the practical view.

No_More_Dodo