Thank You SoonerLady, SGTXOK, and Darboyd5 for your advice. Question on filing for D......Here is my problem. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE. He is pushing, pushing, pushing for one. I have used one excuse after another and I feel like I am running out of rope before he files. If he files, he will file in the town that he grew up in where everyone know's him and also where he rubs elbows with the Attornies and Judges. He will have the upper hand if he files first. I on the other hand would have the upper hand if I file first because I know everyone here where I life. I would get a better deal. SOOOOOOOO, my problem is I believe I am hanging on by a thread before he files. It's been almost 5 months since he left. I am sure OW is pushing him. He has never admited OW but I know there has to be one for him to walk out and never look back. He is giving up everything. Financial security, a house that will be paid for in a couple of years, his marriage, his wife, his boys, etc. He has to have a OW. I checked his company cell phone and found a girls number in the address book, as well as both were calling each back and forth. Do I file first or wait. My heart tells me wait, I do not want this. I do not believe in D unless there is physical abuse. My brain tells me to file first. What do I do. I feel like I am consantly treading on thin ice in anything I do and say since all this started. I am so confused. I use to be a woman that could make her own decisions. Now, I feel like I cannot make even tiny decisions without getting help. I hate this. I just hate this!
2ndnoah Married 24 years Dated 6 years H Filed D 3/5/08 Crushes my Heart! 2 teenage boys 15&19 Missing Him!
2nd Noah hi Im sorry I know how much all this hurts do you really think H will go thru with it or is he wanting you to do it so he doesnt have to? I cant tell you to file or not but Can you go and get some legal advice..just so you have it I went to a L last june when H moved out I didnt file just got info that helped me relax and showed me how much I would get even if he files, it doesnt mean its over
as far as them leaving everything it is strange and hard to believe but they all do it they give up everything their homes, all or most possessions,kids, wives, security, family, friends ect
hang in there at the beginning we all lost weight, could sleep and the pain was beyond managable somehow we get thru ICounseling helpful to have a safe place to talk and heal peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Yes go see a L...find a good one...find one that handled a messy one and got alot for the woman. sounds cruel but yeah.....also one that understands you really dont want this but will give you all your options to stay afloat.
he can start the D...doesnt mean you will end up D'd...we got all the way to court a year into it and we called it off. I think its important if they are so hep on it that they do all the work. HA! My L kept H's so busy...his was 3x what mine was!
they all have OW, par for the course.....it still stinks and shakes us to the core and we hate them! But getting rid of them does not a fixed H make.....its soooo much more complicated than that
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
You are having a heart/head controversy here. And this is not under the category of a tiny decision. But you said you do not believe in divorce so I see that as both a head and a heart decision. Now if there was some compelling reason for your physical or financial protection, I would tell you to protect. But since that doesn't seem to be an issue, don;t worry about. But I can tell you if you do something you don't believe in, you will regret it.
