I've been on these boards for about six months now, posting in different areas and under different names. You can following the links below to see some of my history. I don't want to bore you with the details and I don't want to dwell in the past, but will summarize here quickly...
My W bagan a affair last year around July. It was someone with whom she worked and had known previously in grade school. They started talking and doing lunches and an emotional affair started to develop. I found some text messages that I wasn't comfortable with and confronted her. Was told that W wasn't happy in the M and hadn't been for a long time. Things escalated and the EA became a PA. The OM's W contacted me and a couple of times and things got a bit volitile. Twice my W and OG promised to end the affair, but then started up again. I began working on filing for D at the end of the year and was days away from having my W served. Things took a big turn around New Years Day of this year. My W recommitted to our marriage and in January, we attended a Retrouvaille weekend together. We have since been to three follow up weekends and although things aren't perfect, I can see that we are really building a better future for each other.
I believe we have a somewhat unique situation here because my W also posts on these boards. I had told her about my posting a long time back hoping that she would see how many people are going through the same situation, but then regretted that I had told her and changed my login. We are in a better place now and I believe we can share some postive messages with others on this board as well as get some advice going forward.
I have to agree that things are better now. We are workign on a lot of issues (my issues i guess)and being more open and honest. I think we still have quite a ways to go, but I am more hopeful.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
welcome, glad things got better for you guys, what a good things she posts here to, we've all so much here. A great piecing book is "healing the hurt in your M".
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
This is great! It's nice to have both sides represented, especially on one thread. Butterflymom and her husband, yes, his name is Favorite Weirdo, posted together for a while. As a caveat I must warn Mom of 2 Cherubs that just about everyone on this board is a left behind spouse, and there is a lot of hostility to cheating spouses. Be prepared to hear some unkind remarks. They will not really be talking about you. They will be projecting their anger about their own situations onto you. But there is much that we can learn from a reconciling couple.
As I said on your other thread, my husband and I are Retrouvaille graduates, and it was the single best thing we ever did in our marriage. Although the weekend and the Post sessions were emotional, all my memories of them are happy and comforting.
Sorry to interject on your thread HFF, but i wanted to comment on what sara said here and what someone else said on my thread. A think skin is not something that i have ever possessed - that has proven to be good and bad. I am certainly feeling the wrath of some of the posters here and i get it. I know it is not directed at me personally.
At the end of the day the only people i answer to are myself and my H. But i appreciated hearing all views and opinions. it will help me grow.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
I was listening to Howard Stern this morning. I'm not sure how they got on this topic, but a caller asked how Howard could know that he would be faithful to his fiance. Howard replied that he sometimes feels that he is entitled to have any woman and is jealous that men in general are with women that Howard interacts with. In his position, he could have many beautiful women, but he choses to remain with his fiance. He makes a choice to love. He then played a clip from Chris Rock. Another unlikely source of relationship advice. In the act, Chris uses the kitty cat term for a woman's private area. I've replaced it with strange for this post. Although Chris is referring to men, this could just as easily apply to women
So you get to a point in your life, you've got to figure out. What's important to you? On the one hand you've got commitment. You and your woman together; living, sharing, loving, growing It's the most beautiful thing in the world. And you know that But before you can settle down, you've got to get over this other stuff That's right, cause everyman's gotta choice to make Every single man in here's gotta choice to make And you know what the choice is... Commitment or new strange That is the question. Commitment or new strange Now commitment may give you a headache every now and again New strange always clears your mind But you've got to think about life in the long term Now people tell you life is short. No it's not Life is long. Especially if you make the wrong decisions And in the long term, if I'm sick, is new strange going to take care of me? No. If I'm hungry, is new strange going to feed me? New strange can't cook! If I've got a baby, is new strange gonna teach him how to read? New strange is illiterate! So I've gotta come back to commitment and turn this old strange into new strange. That's right. I've got to recycle the strange.
Sara, Thank you for your support and kind words. You have been an inspiration to me for a long time now and I hope that we can give back just a little.
Thank you, HFF. I try to be helpful to people. But I don't know everything, and I've made very big mistakes. I am just learning too. That is the thing that most surprised me about getting along with my husband. I was surprised that I could be taught how to do it by other people. And on my own, I was pretty bad at it. I try not to let it get me down. At least I was willing to get help when I needed it.
