I think she is doing this to try to prove something to you. Somehow it is making her feel better about herself and what it is doing to you. Stay positive. Stay detached and don't let her get to you. Eventually she'll stop because it would be any fun anymore.
Well, W is cancelling her meeting as i write this. So of course I bring up the fact that she started to give me sh** yesterday for thinking about postponing. She said yeah but at least I waited till this AM to think about cancelling......whatever......so what does this prove? It's obvious that I think a little more long term than she does.
Weather outside is frightful....can't help but think right now how delightful it could be inside.....unfortunately, we are not there yet.
Let it snow ....let it snow....let it snow.........At least it is not freezing rain!!!!!! Who said I had a defeatest attitude?
As far as her getting to me, strangely enough, I am looking frward to moving out. My feelings for my W are not at an all time high right now.
W has all her daughters over for a girls only supper tonight. I will be making my way to my sister's house (she is a redhead Woog and happily married) for supper. My apt. will be ready for me this evening. Strangely, I do not know how to announce my move to W. I am getting cold feet. I know deep down that if I stay put, nothing will be resolved. I need to give myself a major kick in the butt. W is doing nothing to include me in her plans and still I linger...perhaps my inabiity to pull the trigger (get balls as per Kalni) is something that my W would like to see me improve on. I don't need to move furniture just some clothes...it can be done in a few trips. That is where I am today. I wanted to start a new thread when I moved....I don't know when that will be yet. Incidentally, D7 still has no clue.
John - just stopping by to see how you are. Wish things were better. Why have you not told w about moving to the apt.? As someone who moved out 17 mo. ago, I still don't know that that is the answer. It wasn't for me, but who knows, it might be for you. Continuing to pray for you. LadyDi
After the day I just went through, I am not sure I even care to try to make this work. As expected all the girls were over and I left quite quickly to go over for supper at my sister's...did me some good. Prior to leaving W said I would be happy that she bought a new dress for a shindig she has on Sunday night. It's true i did tell her to get a new dress. Pretty sexy dress. I got home an hour or so ago and W tells me matter of factly she is off to Mexico next Thursday (1 week). This is pretty much the final straw.....I think I wrote the book on being a doormat. I did not even acknowledge what she said. No, will you be able to take care of D7 etc.......it'S all about her and quite honestly she was probably this way for a while but since I am on this DB thing, I tried to keep a positive attitude. To make matters worse, we are expecting a sh*tload of snow over the weekend.... So this is it.....I am out of here tommorow but eveidently I will be in and out in the coming weeks to take care of D7. Can not believe what she has become......I am numb.....I don't want to start this paranoia thing again but I can't help but think that she is not going alone.....at this point it does not matter....for my own well being I need out of here because this is not normal behaviour. I will have to be very close to D7 because she is ALL that matters right now. Don't know how much sleep i am going to get tonight.
To answer your question why i did not tell her yet.....I was hoping for a miracle but this is turning into my worse nightmare.
John You know from reading my posts I am in the foxhole with you, pal. I want it to work so badly but trying to make it work alone is sucking the life out of me. I don't want my kids raised in a "broken" home, but I don't want them to see mommy crying anymore either. I know I will cry if/when H and I D, but with time I will move past it. Don't know what could/would happen in my H and M to make me feel like crying is a thing of the past....
Church series has been on Agape/superhuman love, as my pastor calls it. The first week was on love for our fellow man, the next 2 weeks were on how to live out unconditional love in your M. This week it will be titled "Tough Love". Pastor says loving unconditionally does NOT = doormat. So I am eager to learn what he has to teach me about being strong while also loving unconditionally?? I support your decision to move out, your W needs to know you can't continue to tolerate/support her current lifestyle. I know it is anti-DB to leave, but there is that part of the book on "When it isn't working" or something like that. I am in the "After the Last Resort" point at this time I think...
Anyway no real advice to you, just support. I can't stand to think of telling D and S that Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be together anymore....So I feel for you.
Thanks BobbiJo.....you are bang on....I am with you on the after the last resort section. I don't think I read that part yet but I am there with you.
I wish i could hear the doormat church talk. It would do me alot of good....maybe you can give me the short version.....This is shaping up to be a hell of a weekend.
Waiting to get walloped by a huge snow storm this afternoon. Still at home....had a general talk and hugging session with W yesterday but it was initiated by me and her response although warm was not great (expectations again).
I am having cold feet about the move. Right now I am at a point where the move will have to be done when she is in Mexico (13- 20) if for no other reason, I want to take care of D7 and not have MIL here. I'll have a whole week to move my stuff and prepare to get settled in. I just hope i don't get any I miss you e-mails to derail me. W and D7 are still sleeping....it is the calm before the storm inside and out.
