i woke up at 5 this morning....got on line for 15 minutes and went back to sleep. D7 woke me up to wish me a happy V day. i decided to roll over and let W take care of D7 this AM. I must have been really tired because I fell back to sleep (deep sleep). My W woke me up next to my bed looking down. She also wished me a happy V day. She always adss anyway...happy V day anyway...happy new year anyway....merry christmas anyway......I guess she means I know you don't feel 100% but ...... She was looking deep into my eyes and i hers. I will repeat she is not where she was 6 months ago. Anyhow, she could have easily left the house without saying bye. I came down to pour myself a cup of coffee in the kitchen and she came to thank me for cleaning her salt stained boots yesterday (I am sure some of you have no idea what that is). More hugs ...real ones....totally from her no pursuing on my part. I walked her to the garage and wished her a nice day. A nice start to what should be a nice day....it's up to me to keep it upbeat with all the kids and W tonight...it's their day.
One more thing, last night during our conversation (before she started talking about her tough childhood), she asked me to describe her strengths and weaknesses. I refused. I know her love languag is words of affirmation but I did not want to get into a list of good and bad points.
That list of strengths/weaknesses is very interesting. Maybe offer to do it if she would do one for you. Maybe you could write them separately then share them later. I would definitely validate her desire to do this for her.
hugs and happy v-day...positive...remember no expectations...let her lead...her game...her pace...
I would be very careful about sharing weaknesses. That's what our "counselor" had us do and H never got over hearing me list what I thought were his weaknesses.
Yeah, I read about doing that in a book discussing how the negative list will be so long and strength be very short...think it's in 5LL's. I think she was looking to hear what he thought were her strengths. She asked. I agree the weaknesses could be bad to hear listen to...I guess I should have been a bit clearer...just think she wants her strengths validated. Almost like asking why me?
I am no psychiatrist, however, I have never met anyone who needs to continuously be told how successful, beautiful or a good mom she is. The truth is she is all those and more but she does not believe it for some reason. Maybe it's because she was told during all her childhood that she was ugly and useless. She thinks she needs to be perfect....perfect body, perfect mother, good businesswoman etc. She puts alot of pressure on herself.
Anyhow, I just put D7 to bed and have left them (W and her daughters) alone. They seem to be enjoying each other's company (lots of laughing). I am sure this will do W alot of god.
I think it is actually a lot more common than you think. Words of affirmation are often very important to people and women in particular (IMO). My W is a wonderful mother, wife and is still smokin hot at 39. However, she isn't happy either.
I think that the self esteem issues start early and can come from anything. I would continue to be positive. Tell her all the good things she needs to hear, but don't go too far with it. Be honest and positive.
John, it is interesting that you accidently ended your post with it will do your wife a lot of "god" instead of good. While I was reading your post, I was wondering if your wife has a close personal relationship with God. Often times, when someone has a void in their life, it is because they do not have the peace which comes from knowing that they are a child of the King. Just wondering. Not trying to be preachy. LadyDi
Ladydi, My W is not very religious (nor am I). However, during our last conversation she told me that she plans on going to church this Sunday (anniversary of her sister'S death). She has not told anyone but me about it. She plans on going alone. I told her if she wanted me there with her I would be happy to accompany her. Actually I would love to show my support, however, I don't want to be pushy either. Any thoughts on how i can bring this up again would be appreciated.
