Here I go with thread #4. I know that is not much compared to some of our friends here. I think it is getting close to 4 months since I started posting here. H and I have been S since the 3 1/2 months. Bomb dropped 8months ago although H says he hasn't been happy for years.
Since our S started I have been on the same rollercoaster as all of you. I'll paste here my latest development that I posted in my previous thread yesterday.
I will be heading out into the horrible winter weather soon. Currently the wind chill is zero, wind is gusting at 50 mph, and there are white out conditions. It is H's weekend and H will be spending time here w/ D10 so I have to leave my home. I think I'll go see a movie.
D10 had a friend over today who was supposed to go home at 11 which was when H was to come over. D wanted her fried to stay longer so I told her she had to call H and ask him. Of course H didn't answer. She tried 15min. later and got him. H said it was ok and he was running late.(again!) When H showed up I couldn't talk to him. I went to get my car out of the garage and the door wouldn't open. I tried to open w/ the emergency key but couldn't find it. H ended up telling me to take his car. When I got going there was a CD made by EA#1 who he claims as his best friend. The whole beginning was a bunch of love songs. Just what I as a married woman make for other married men.
I sent H the following text:
Me: Nice cd ur "friend" made u. Don't worry I figured out that u are done with me. I know there are other people more important to u.
H: Before you go reading too muc into a cd you may want to listen to the whole thing...you'll find tout there's no theme.
Me: Maybe, but as long as EA#1 and EA#2(I used their names) are a part of ur life i mean nothing.
H: I will continue to disagree with that.
Me: I want to believe u but u keep so many secrets.
No reply to that.
H texted me when he got the garage open. Also about burning a CD for my boss that I asked if he would do. Got home and showed him shirts I bought him. H showed me shoes he bought in CA. Now he is at church w/ D15. No mention of my text. H will probably say nothing of it. We will have to wait and see what happens next. _________________________
H showed up about an hour later than he said he would. Sounds and looks sick again. H said he doesn't quite get why he is sick that maybe this is something that he had before. I said I don't think you probably ever got it out of your system. H really hasn't been healthy since Nov. D15 told him he should go to the doctor to which he didn't respond positively. I said your Dad doesn't really like being told what to do. Not sure if I should have said that, but in a way I was acknowledging that I know I have done wrong by doing that in the past.
Surprisingly H was in a good mood. He was actually laughing about something that happened to D15 this morning. It was so good to see him smile and laugh. I saw that man I fell in love w/.
H ended up taking D15 to school for her drama workshop. H was going to stop at a store to pick up deoderant. D10 and I had been there this morning. (I actually stopped buying stuff like that for him a couple of months ago when his friend said I was making it too easy for H.) Told H sorry I didn't know he need it. H called from the store to see if I forgot anything when I was there. Another glimmer of hope. That is what makes it so hard for me to detach.
Now I'm waiting for H to get home and see if I need to get lost so he can have time alone w/ D10.
It's funny that you get a glimmer of hope when your H is at the store and asks if you need anything.. I do too.. Glad to hear I'm not alone on that one.
I found your text conversation interesting as well.. It was the part where he said "I will continue to disagree with that"... I know we're not supposed to take any consideration in what they say.. but I don't know. When I first read that I felt one of my gut glimmers... you know? You do mean something to him.. but right now those feelings are not as important as his selfish feelings.. the selfish feelings are all he can concentrate on right now.
I know this is a very difficult time for you but always remember how much you mean to your kids.. and that you hopefully are working hard to mean something to yourself... and although your H has a crap way of showing it, deep down you mean something to him too.
I am wondering sometimes if they ever give it a second thought when they do little things like that (asking you if you forgot anything etc etc). We bust our brains trying to figure out IF the meant anything by it, IF there are any hidden feelings crowling to get out, IF that could be a step to the right direction and they may just be asking if you forgot anything this morning when you went to the store. Period.
Overanalysing everything is a big enemy we need to fight. Whether the outcome of this is bad or at times good, it really stops us from looking at the big picture.
It's funny that you get a glimmer of hope when your H is at the store and asks if you need anything.. I do too.. Glad to hear I'm not alone on that one.
I found your text conversation interesting as well.. It was the part where he said "I will continue to disagree with that"... I know we're not supposed to take any consideration in what they say.. but I don't know. When I first read that I felt one of my gut glimmers... you know? You do mean something to him.. but right now those feelings are not as important as his selfish feelings.. the selfish feelings are all he can concentrate on right now.
I know this is a very difficult time for you but always remember how much you mean to your kids.. and that you hopefully are working hard to mean something to yourself... and although your H has a crap way of showing it, deep down you mean something to him too.
Thanks Where2. I saved that text and have read it a few times over trying to figure out just what it means. Like you said, I guess I mean something to H but I don't know what. I guess what I need to get clear to him is that I won't feel loved by him as long as they are around. At this point that doesn't matter to him. Like you said, he is very selfish right now. This isn't a first time for him and I never let him know before how much it hurt me. This time I have to make sure he knows because I won't let it happend to me again. I deserve much more
I am always looking for a glimmer of hope. I felt another one tonight when he smiled again. H also thanked me today for helping with his laundry from his trip. Oh, H was going to go work on something in the garage. I told him that it could wait as it was very cold and he is sick. H said "You are right." I made a big joke about that and asked the D's "Did everyone hear that? I need to record that because your Dad doesn't say I'm right very often." H seemed to get a kick out of that.
Kalni, I am certainly the queen of over analyzing. I know I need to stop doing that but it something I have always done. Sorry about your kids, I did read that in your thread.
Today I had planned to go see a movie. H got home from the store until 15 min. before the movie was to start. Luckily it is only 5 min. from my house. I hurried and got ready to go. Asked H what time D15 would be done at her workshop and told him I wouldn't be able to pick her up. H didn't ask why and I just left. I saw 27 Dresses which was pretty cute. It was my first time going to a movie alone so I'm proud of myself for that. Got a text near the end of the movie from H telling me D stayed at her workshop late. When the movie was over I sent H a msg. asking when D would be done. Got a msg. to call him so I did. I told H I could leave where I was to get D. H said he was on the way out to get. I said ok, I'll be home later.
Called H a little later to tell him I was getting groceries. H never asked where I had been the rest of the day. I really need to do more to make H think I am GALing without him. I was hoping that my telling I wouldn't be able to get D15 would get him thinking.
My challenge for this week will be getting through Valentines Day on Thursday. I will going to D10s party at school. Then I have to take D15 for a vaccine. I plan to drop them off at the house and then head out. I guess I'll go to another movie. It is Hs night with the girls so I am just going to ignore the day. I did by a just in case card for H. I really expect nothing. I have cards to give the Ds from ME.
H ended up taking D15 to school for her drama workshop. H was going to stop at a store to pick up deoderant. D10 and I had been there this morning. (I actually stopped buying stuff like that for him a couple of months ago when his friend said I was making it too easy for H.) Told H sorry I didn't know he need it. H called from the store to see if I forgot anything when I was there. Another glimmer of hope. That is what makes it so hard for me to detach.
Yeah, it's enough to drive you crazy isn't it? Yesterday my W suggested I get a few things from CVS and she said she's go and pick them up for me. Next time she was over, she mentioned it but then realized she had forgotten to actually go and get the stuff - Hey, lets make it into a family trip and all go together!
I was thinking of you this morning as I was bundling D up to take her to daycare in 2 degree weather - I'm sure you were stuck at home with your D's, or at least miserably braving the weather.
I was thinking of you this morning as I was bundling D up to take her to daycare in 2 degree weather - I'm sure you were stuck at home with your D's, or at least miserably braving the weather.
Hope things are going well!
Yes, I was lucky and got the day off w/ my Ds yesterday. I'm hoping for another snowday tomorrow, but I don't think I will get that lucky. Sorry you had to go w/ D in the cold.
