From what I've seen, yes. Most MLCers realize they went through some sort of transition. Actually, most of them realize that they're going through it at the time, but they sure as heck won't label it as a crisis.
After some time and some detachment, I found that when my wife leaves on trips, I actually relax quite a bit. I don't have to DB...it's like a little DB vacation. So...I try to have fun and do stuff I want to do, like dance naked in the living room, listen to Springsteen really loud, watch The Godfather over and over, invite strippers over for brunch (kidding), etc.
Keep hangin'
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I love the brunch idea! No offense caused : )!! Well, my W. is away today and I've found my mood moving around. I often missed her when she'd travel pre-ILYBNILWY/pre-move out. She emailed me yesterday and signed it "talk to you next week", which was a bit of an ouch. I took it to mean that she wasn't planning to have contact while away. Normal enough, I suppose, since we're separated, but it highlighted a difference from how things used to be. It does feel kind of disappointing. Anyway, a friend pointed out to me that every time there is a new level of communication in my W.'s communication (eg. phone calls, warmer emails, etc) that I get used to it immediately and am hoping for "the next level". Whereas my W. may be slooooowly testing out the new level of contact to see how it is first, like easing into a hot bath. That was something that made sense to me.
I just want it all fixed right now!!...surely that isn't too much to expect?
Ug. I'm doing better overall, and our contact is a little better overall, though I continue to see that friendliness does not = reconciliation. On the other hand, it is a necessary element of reconciling. sigh...back and forth my mind goes.
Hey Purr, couldnt have put it better myself as usual. It sounds like you cope well with the vacilating contact from your W, better than I do with my BF, I face betrays my emotions. I guess at least she let you know she wouldnt talk to you until next week, so she is keeping you informed. I never did that on the people I broke up with years ago..when it was over, it was over, none of this "talk to you next week" stuff. So I see that as a tiny positive, but of course it wont feel that way to you, being n the receiving end of such detachment. It will be interesting to see how she is with yuo next week, after being away for a while and not able to speak to you (and after a busy and stressful business trip followed by some downtime ??)
Ali x __________________________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well, W. emailed me once on Friday--pleasant, but very brief, and related to a bill. I replied briefly and asked how her trip was going. No reply. Still trying to figure out the boundaries of what is "okay to ask about" and what isn't. There are many reasons why she might not have responded, as it is a jam-packed trip from what I understand.
Went out with a friend today for a nice long walk...that felt good. We talked about the relationship stuff and my friend was great--very supportive. We also talked about other stuff as I didn't want to make the R. the only topic.
Feeling a little better now than earlier this weekend, though no doubt the rollercoaster will continue its swinging about. Well, I'll enjoy this brief place of "okayness"!!
going to MC in about an hour. Arg, feeling anxious. Not sure why but it's that sense of not really knowing where my W. is at or if anything has changed. Makes it hard to feel comfortable. It's probably irrational, but I'm concerned that somehow being away for a few days has made her clear that this is something she doesn't want. It sounds rather ludicrous thinking to me, but then, this business has not been predictable. and I do specialize in periodic ludicrous thinking...
I'm trying to remember that we've had positive experiences so far in the MC and it has been useful for both of us, so hopefully that will be the case again. I feel anxious re: I'm not sure what is "okay" to ask about. Actually, I don't even know for sure why I'm feeling kind of freaked out, but that is how I'm feeling. I did fairly well this weekend, but this morning I've been on edge and having quite a hard time settling down.
