Kimmie, I think I understand what you are feeling. My H was and I guess still is a Christian and attended church every week before the OW. He then stopped going for the most part, although he will go sometimes. I just pray every night that he will find his way back to God, at least, and hopefully to his family as well. Karen43
Wow. Well, that didn't work. Here's H's reply to my email: Dear Kimmie,
I have moved on, signed my divorce petition, and, that is all. I no longer live Orthodoxy but choose instead the results and consequences of my decisions. I am awaiting for you to schedule an appointment to file our taxes. Should you not want to than let me know so i may file separately. For over 5 years I stayed my hand from leaving you. 5 years of compromise, confrontation, and, counseling only confirmed my instinct to move on. I do not abide your anger at D17 nor your discomfort with your own self. I was happy with myself and remain happy. Since November, I choose to have CALM in my remaining years.
H.
Sooo......what do I say now? "Sorry you feel that way"? I am not sure it would have made any difference had I not sent it.
I'm sorry you feel that way, and I had no idea that you had abandoned Orthodoxy. It makes me sad for you, but I am still there and will continue to seek counsel with Father John. He is very compassionate.
As far as "my anger at D17", I'm not sure what you mean, because you were angry at her too. And it's really too bad that we didn't know enough to have her on meds five years ago.
I am glad that D17 is safe, happy, and back in school. I always told you that was what I wanted for her and you are doing a good job making it happen for her.
I will let you know when the appointment is when I get one for our taxes.
Take Care, Kimmie
The meds I was speaking of are ones that D17 has started recently , Adderal, or something. I do believe that we may have had an easier time with her if these meds were given to her a lot sooner.
I think that's an excellent response. Confident, respectful, soo full of "I will survive."
If this is NOT what he wants, and he's just firing some sort of MLC shot across your bow, it's the right response I think. If it IS what he truly wants, it's also the right response as his mind is made up anyway. The only thing I might have added is a "I still do not want a divorce, but if this is what you want, I'm sorry you feel that way, and I had no idea that you had . . . " etc.
Well, I fully expect more spew from H in an email, but I will not defend myself to him. He is probably at OW's right now, wrapped in her arms and basking in self-righteousness.
The reason I sent the email to him in the first place is because we have had little to no contact and I just needed to do a 180 to break the status-quo.
Is that wrong? I think not, because all I get from him lately is awkward politeness and avoidance. At least this time I got some emotion, even though it was very negative and delusional.
all I get from him lately is awkward politeness and avoidance. At least this time I got some emotion, even though it was very negative and delusional.
I think your reply back was really good too! I know exactly what you mean about the awkward politeness and avoidance! That is exactly how my H tries to act! I am sometimes pretty good though at breaking through it (we still live together) because I tend to be goofy and dance around and stuff and sometimes I can break through the wall he tries to erect. Why do they do act like that I wonder? Karen43
I am so scared that I am running out of time because H has filed for divorce and it could be final in 3 months. That just isn't enough time for H to come out of the fog.
For those of you who have actually been served with papers, how do you keep your cool? I know that I've heard it said that "Well, they're just papers......" yeah, but they are papers that end your marriage!
I am on pins and needles waiting for the shoe to drop and trying to think of ways to delay the Big D without looking desperate and needy.
If you retain a L, any good one will understand your needs and wishes and act accordingly. If you want to stall or delay the D, then your L should be able to come up with all sorts of ways to drag this out. You just have to let the L know what your objectives are.
