My life is crashing in on me. My W left

[fish]

DM

I believe that your situation has hope. As a man who is almost 20 years older than you, please take my advice.

You and your wife are very young to have so much responsibility. She is probably questioning her decision to marry early and start a family, that's ok. You sound like a GREAT guy, very responsible and loving, I am sure she recognizes that.

SHE IS SAYING THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT A DIVORCE - DO NOT PUSH HER THERE.

Give her some space, let her think things through and in time she will most likely come back to you. For now, rely on your parents for support.

[DMIKEY20]

I took a vacation day from work yesterday becasue i knew valentines day was going to be a ruff day. monday started that way i got a message from some girl that told me my W was involved with another man. I shouldn't have believed it and trusted my W. but my mind in beating out my heart. anyways this girl was telling me all these things about my W and this guy and i believed her. I was looking for something and of all people i started talking to her and texting her and i was doing great. i was doing as my wife asked and i was enjoying life again. Me and the wife was doing great gettting along she even came over for valentines dinner with me and the kids. thats when all hell broke loose. she found out that i was talking to this girl and that hurt her the most because this girl was telling me all kinds of lie's about my W. We were starting to turn the corner and she was starting to think about us again and this just ruined it. we talked last night started as her telling me to go to hell that we were done and ended with us talking and getting things straight. i told her that i don't no what to do. i stay miserable i go all mushy on her i find something to keep my mind off of her and give her the time she wants. i told her i can't do anything right in her eyes right now... well we talked and she told me that the main reason that her feeling for me changed was because the first couple years in parent hood i didn't do much as a family with her and the kids. the last 3 yrs i have and she just couldn't get past that. she was looking at it as me just doing it because she wanted me to and not because i wanted to. i honestly did i wanted to be more of a family man and i was trying hard to do it... so now we are back at square one but i actually think its a little better than that we are back to being best friends and in my book thats a good start....

[ChuckF]

Good morning, DMIKEY20,

Just a brief note as I picked up on the tone of your entries. It's pretty normal to feel high anxiety and fear, but it's not helpful in winning her back. Let me give you a picture that might help. They teach lifeguards that if someone is drowning, do whatever you can to save them without getting into the water with them. Jumping into the water with a drowning person is your last resort, because they will take you under. Not because they are mean or hateful, but because desperate people will do hurtful things! As long as you look/feel/act like a desperate man she won't get in the water with you!

Take a deep breath, back off a few steps, take care of what you need - eating, sleeping, friendships, exercise, kids, etc... - and watch. If she sees you swimming just fine she may get in the water with you.

Love well,

Chuck

[sgctxok]

^