Tonight my W and I had first OR talk in a couple months. First since I got serious about DBing. It was kind of good in that she could say alot of stuff and I didn't react negatively to any of it. Just listened and spoke quietly.
Basically what I expected: -doesn't "think she loves me" -doesn't want to be married -doesn't know what she wants but leaning toward seperation
She was surprised when I knew quite a bit about the divorce laws in our state and i told her that I thought there was a lot of options between being unhappily married and divoriced. That seemed to catch her attention.
Anyway, I'm posting this here instead of newcomers cause I think if W and I can talk about this stuff with no arguing/fighting/crying or reactivity and end the day doing some laundry together and a warm hug, that maybe we are piecing it together.
I'd welcome any and all feedback, comments or advice. I think she was very surprised that I didn't flip out and argue--funny what a couple months of reading several hours a day on this BB does to you.
Welcome to piecing. And it sounds like thing are going good for you. I know it is hard to hear all of the stuff that they dish out. But CONGRADULATIONS on not getting upset. Right there you have changed it. And heck yes if you can have an argument. And afterwards spend some time. And get a hug.
Thanks for reply Midnight. I've read so much of your stuff all over here and on newcomers. I guess the most encouraging thing my W said to me was that she "likes me". She said this several times. I guess if you can be having a calm discussion about whether of not you should end your marriage and your spouse can say they still like you, that there might be just enough left there to build a new marriage on--(or I could be just deceiving myself). What do you thinK?
