Hey big guy, hang in there. Shedding a few tears is par for the course. You know we are all pulling for you. Be strong for your kids, things will get better guaranteed.
You guys are great. I keep learning new things about my feelings in all this. I am sure things will get better. I'm just not sure what that looks like.
I really miss my W. I don't think that will ever change. And given the strange situation we are living in I keep having to see what I can't have. She also continues to be kind, gentle and to do nice things for me. She just "doesn't love me" any more.
If it were an ugly situation or one of us moved out it might be easier for me to accept. Now, its just down right strange.
Woog - One of the things you will discover in he Five Love Languages books is that love is something we chose to do. It's not the same as "feeling loved". Neither of you is feeling loved right now. Not you because of her behavior. Not her because she has built a wall. You, on the other hand are loving her. That's a choice you made. And you made that choice even though you are not getting anything back right now.
So when she says she doesn't love you, she is saying she has chosen not to give you love. Or she may be confusing "feeling loved" with chosing to love. That's the ship you have to turn around.
The most valuable parts of DR book are the different suggestions to showing love - mixing things up, trying something different. In Five Love Languages, Chapman describes it as "filling her love tank".
Don't focus on the circumstances. Focus on the goal.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
Yeah the 5LL will really get your mind in the right place. It seems so easy. We've made the choice to love them. They have choosen not to recipricate. I tried to give mine a complement last night and she looked at me like what are you talking about...Can't control them. They have to be a speck interested in having that love tank filled by you.
Missing the WAW is the hardest part for me too Woog. Just keep up the fight. Let the tears go while on your trip and bring back the PMA when you see family again.
Something I've noticed in my sitch, that because I choose to love her no matter what, all of the reading, KLA cd's, etc...I get the feeling of really missing my WAW much more. I guess we are just choosing to be on the roller coaster with more ups and downs. I don't know if that is poor detaching or what but it sure does make it hard some days. It's not a needy, begging, pursuing, etc...it's just the lonliness and the desire to just see her with you doing something together.
I put this in my thread woog but thought you might find it useful. Hopefully, this is relevant to you.
I had a bad conversation with my Dad this past weekend. In very short, I am not going allow 5D to see my parents unless absolutely necessary. It reminds me of pains from the past and now pains me because of what will be no time with my 5D. I say this all to point out that it effects my outlook with my WAW. It really makes me feel less hopeful, etc...the two issues are unrelated. Just thought if you had an issue that is really bothering you that you be careful not it to effect or allow you to feel badly about your outlook, hopes, dreams, PMA, etc in your sitch. I know I really missed my WAW when this happened and was thinking perhaps some unrelated aspect of your life may drag you down similarly.
Hope this wasn't a waste of space on your thread...
I got back into town late last night (actually early this morning). I haven't really been posting because I read back through my posts and I fear that I'm starting to sound a bit depressing even to myself.
I'm looking forward to spending some time with my kids tonight.
It was funny, I fell asleep on the plane and had a dream that when I got home the W was sleeping in our bed again. It freaked me out a little. I even allowed myself to think that when I actually got home that she might be there.
