Hi all, I havent posted on this thread before but have in infidelity and newcomers. As a brief update: H has had 2 affairs in l0 years. We have 2 children ages 9and 5. I filed for D 5 weeks ago after finding out about an affair that happened 8 years ago with someone I knew. Devestated again, I filed and really thought it was over. H didnt want D. Wanted to continue the work we have done since last affair in l998/99. I realized I didnt want D either and stopped the proceedings on Wednesday. He was very happy and professes his true love and committment to me with promises of no more affiars ever! I have major trust issues to work on and he has major work to do to prove to me he can be reliable and truthful. He knows how much he has to do and is willing to do anything. We start counseling in 2 weeks and he has done everything I have asked so far including buying a cell phone so I can reach him anytime (we probably are the only people on the planet that didnt have one already). He has turned all the finances over to me (he always did them,)and we are working on marital contracts spelling out expectations, needs, goals ect. Sounds good so far..I am greatful for that. I am majorly trying to detatch from certain things that I always freaked about....his work schedule, obsessional thinking about his affairs and questioning him to death about details (he has given me more details than I can bear already). I need to act smiley and secure...when inside Im not. I could go on.....but the major point of this is that I feel happy about my decision to stop D proceedings and feel totally committed to my part in the marriage work. I think he is too. But lack of trust ect. ect. We are thinking of ways to renew our vows...which I want to do....I just pray that this time our vows truely mean something to him. So.....any thoughts on other ways to strengthen our marriage and help us heal from our shattered past would be greatly appreciated. (he is against marraige encounter and Retroveille at this point). I do plan to buy micheles tapes and have him listen with me. Thanks so much. Warmly, Magenta
Magenta, First of all, I want you to know that marriages can and do survive infidelity and that you can get back the trust. Since you are going to listen to the tapes, why don't you do that and then post in this section. This section is for people who are in a cyber-group working their way through the tapes together. Your marriage problems are very fixable. Listen to the tapes, alone or together and then ask the group the specific questions you need answered. IT will make a world of difference. Michele
Counseling is a good first step. Retrouvaille would help you both on trust issues--check out that string. What are his concerns about Retrouvaille? Maybe we can give you info to help allay his fears.
First, I commend you for even wanting to try to work on your marriage after your H's affairs. I truly know how much pain an affair brings to a marriage. (My H had one).
I wish I had some advice for you about regaining trust again. Maybe counceling for you alone could be an option to help you through this. I've also come to the belief that the straying spouse must have a hand in helping through the healing and trusting part again (but what he can do, I'm really not sure).
I wish you the best of luck, like Michele said it can be renewed, I believe that.
I don't own a cell phone yet either!