You can only take responsibility for changing your behavior. That does not include trying to take responsibility for his behavior by creating an environment (against your natural inclincations) that attempts to render such "cheating" amazingly unlikely due to his sexual repletion. He's a big boy; contacting other women online for sexual activity (however virtual) is totally out of line *regardless* of what you're doing or not doing. IMHO.
Kudos for taking on your part of this, but don't take on his part too.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
As a guy, I just want to say that I agree with lil and kett. If he "needs" sex and you aren't willing to provide him with the "real thing," then his only "honorable" choices are: 1. celibacy, with no complaining to you. 2. masturbation, with no complaining to you. 3. divorce.
Having virtual affairs crosses the boundary, to me.
Using porn as a masturbation aid does not cross that boundary, in my opinion.
But, it seems to me that there must be some room for compromise in your arrangement.
I dont get where you get your "no complaining" as "honorable".
If your spouse is not meeting your marital needs, then as I see it, you have a right to complain. Whether that is about sex, or anything else. You dont have a right to break your side of the marriage vows. But I dont get where the "shut up and take being neglected silently" attitude comes in.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Can there not be a compromise somewhere in here? Can't you try maybe every second day? My h complained that we didn't ML enough and I really did have to put an effort into trying at first. He would have wanted it everyday too, but I think that once you meet them half way things mellow out. They start to see you are making an effort for their needs and wants and become less demanding. Besides when you start trying it seems to happen naturally and becomes more satsifying for you too. Anyways that is just my opinion.
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
