Wife has filed, and on we go

[micoms]

Locked another thread here's a link to the last one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1324943&page=0&fpart=14


Nothing much has changed, although W said she's trying to get on in the jewelery dept at the store she works at. She'll have more regular hours as that dept isn't open 24 hrs.

Her R with S27 and S26 has deteriorated to almost no contact, they have quit trying to call her as she never returns their calls. Last weekend W did go to S27's house to visit him, his W and our GD. I think she's in a MLC, maybe she's starting to come out of it now. She has reconnected with some of her friends she hasn't talked to for quite a while and also with S27.

Court date was continued to March 31. Magistrate thought the timing of her filing for D was bad. She filed 2 weeks after I got home from the hospital from quad bypass surgery. Basically I was an invalid, unable to pick up anything more than 5lbs, in almost constant pain and on strong meds. I had just returned to work 1 week prior to court date.

The only time I see W is at D24's house, try to be upbeat, PMA, not talk about us or our R or M.

Mike

[micoms]

FA,

I had seen that post or one similar to it a while back. I tried to see where she was on the stages and tried to look for a time frame when she might come out. I realized that is an exercise in futility. I see where she has traveled many of the steps in MLC, I've tried to leave her alone although with her sleeping almost every hour she isn't working, I have voiced my concern over the amount of time she sleeps. Told her it could be depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, onset of diabetes, hypoglycemia, or menopause. And some other medical conditions that could make her sleepy all the time. Our D19 was sitting next to her on the couch and screaming at the top of her lungs a song that GS loves. My W didn't wake up or flinch or move a muscle, just kept sleeping.

Unable to help our S is the one thing that is so very hard deal with.

How are you D and the dog getting along? Getting some good training? Do some special things with D, she is probably confused as to why her daddy left her, and might think she had something to do with him leaving. We know it has nothing to do with the kids but in their minds sometimes they think if only they had been better, more well behaved that he wouldn't have left.

Have you had any contact with H recently?

Mike

[grid, lost]

Told her it could be depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, onset of diabetes, hypoglycemia, or menopause. And some other medical conditions that could make her sleepy all the time. Our D19 was sitting next to her on the couch and screaming at the top of her lungs a song that GS loves. My W didn't wake up or flinch or move a muscle, just kept sleeping.

mike
there must be something medical wrong with your W. I have never heard of anyone sleeping like she does. Believe me, in depression you can really sleep. But hers is such a deep sleep that is a bit scary. To bad W will not take better care of herself.
grid,lost

[micoms]

Grid,

I know it's not normal to sleep as much as w does. She thinks nothing is wrong because she says she can stay awake if there is something to do, but the minute she sits down she'll be asleep in less than 5 minutes. Going to try to set up a coaching session this week.

mike

[micoms]

D24 stopped on her way home from work last night to pickup some mail. I was shocked when W walked in with her. She stayed for about two hours, another shock. I didn't bring up R or M. Asked her if she got the job in the jewelery dept, not yet. She said they are looking for a deli manager, she sounded like she was interested. I told her she would be good at it. She says she might take it if she can step back if she doesn't like it. I told her you've done it in the past when a manager left until they replaced them.

I so much wanted to give her a hug but I resisted. I did tell her she looked good. When they left I said it was good to see her, she said the same. All in all it was very cordial. I do want to talk to her about property division. If we can get together and resolve that without attys, we'll save ourselves some money. Ultimately I don't want the D, hope she can see the changes in myself and reconsiders. I can only slow it down, only she can stop it. That's been in my prayers every night, morning or a free minute.

Mike

[christarn]

Mike...sounds like you did well with the visit. You stayed focused and on track with your DB skills. I know how hard it is to want to start talking about the R/M but you did awesome.

I was looking at your post talking about your wife sleeping all the time. I did this when things were really bad with my H. I did it to avoid dealing with reality. I slept to avoid dealing with him, I slept to avoid doing house work. I slept to avoid dealing with myself. I slept just to sleep. In other words, I it was a coping mechanism I used. I still use it. I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. The anxiety I have had since I was in high school, the depression came after the loss of my parents. Sleeping is how I cope. When I sleep, there is no reality, no bills, no laundry, no H, no R/M issues, nothing...I think you get the idea!!! The best thing I have done for myself is talk to my MD about it, we went thru 3 anti-depressants before finding the right fit for me. But now that we are there, and have the right dose...I can't imagine my life without it. I also know when it is time to go and talk with my therapist. Sometimes I can go weeks, other times not so long. I also know my symptoms become exacerbated when the weather is crappy. I go INSANE when it is gloomy for more than 3 days in a row. I become very emotional and feel encaged. I am a sunshine kinda gal!!

Anywho...no news in my sitch! Tried to text the H over the weekend, he didn't return either of the texts....frustrating...very frustrating.

Take care,
Christa

[micoms]

Christa,

My W refuses that there is anything wrong as far as depression or any other medical reason for her sleeping all the time. She refuses to see a doctor just to check it out. I am on AD's for help sleeping.

S25 was home when D24 and W came by. We expected if W came she would have stayed in the car. She spent a good deal of time playing with our dog. She had also called S27 up to visit him at his house to see GD. I don't know if she is starting to reconnect with the S's.

When W was home I would come home from work, she would be sleeping in a chair, wake up for dinner and be asleep 10 minutes after sitting in a chair. Once sleeping she won't wake up no matter how much noise or screaming is done in the room she's in. Is that similar to your sleep disorder? how was it diagnosed, did you realize that something was wrong or did someone insist you get checked out?

All in all it was a pleasant visit, no R talk at all. She even showed me an e-mail she got from a friend about a lady who found a lion in the woods half starved. She nursed it back to health. The video was a reunion at the zoo the lion was donated too. It looked like she was getting mauled, but the lion was reaching thru the cage hugging and licking her. It was a cute video.

Mike

[grid, lost]

Going to try to set up a coaching session this week.

Mike
let us know how you make out ok???? Mine told me exactly what I've been told on the boards and by C. There is nothing I can do or say with H to help stitch. So for now I am looking at it as helping myself and protecting me from further pain.
Who knows going black (as much as possible) might be the best thing to do.????
I do know one thing, really want someone to share my life with!!! So do you think that means I'm loosing the fight to stand?
My wedding band is back on finger as finally got it back from being resized. Took longer than I thought it would. Everyone seems to notice right away I have it on. Strange??? Don't you think???
well later and good luck with coach. Money well spent.
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

I'll keep you informed on coaching. Maybe they will give me a direction to move in. I don't think wanting to share your live with someone means your loosing the will to stand. I feel the same way, I'd love to spend some time with a female just to talk and have a meal with. I don't thing that going to dinner with someone would be such a bad thing, especially since you and H have been apart so long.

I said something to someone, don't know who, that got back to W. I had said that W had said that I deserve someone better than her. I said I was coming to realize maybe she was right. She'd only came to the hospital for maybe an hour each day and only came to the house 3 times after surgery to see how I was doing. She brought that up and got defensive about it. Said that I made her feel uncomfortable while I was in the hosp, that I would wink at her. I don't remember I was on too much morphine and vicodins at the time to remember a lot. I wonder if that is the approach to take with her.

I still wear my ring but not to work, we're not allowed to wear any jewelery.

Mike

[christarn]

Mike, at the time I didn't think anything was wrong with me...looking back, it was depression. It was me filling up with anger and resentment. I needed an anti-depressant, my doctor and I have went thru 3 to finally find the correct one. Zoloft is my hero!! When the H mentioned in October he for sure wanted to go thru with the D, I quit eating for like a week (bad nurse, bad bad bad nurse!!!) and was having more sleeping issues, so she added trazadone to my med cocktail, to help me sleep. So now, I take xanax, trazadone and zoloft (anxiety, depression, nerves...sleepless nights...oh the joys of this!!) Plus since all of it began I have dropped major weight I am hanging out right around 105 pounds when I used to be 125-130. So we are hoping to the zoloft will kick in the food drive too!

Glad things went well with little visit with the W. Nice story about the lion!

Denial is one of the stages you go thru. I am sure working her crazy hours she is tired. Fatigue, hormonal changes, stress from the MLC/seperation, could be anxiety/depression type thing. She has to want to help herself. Does she see a Counselor??

Which coach are you talking with? I have two sessions left...hoping to save them for something good!!! I talked with Jodi, she was nice. Hope you get some great advice!

take care, Christa