I wrote a little about this on another thread, but I thought that I would kind of take a vote on this:
H won't ML to me, but gets online and gets his rocks off on porn videos/pictures 2-3 times per week. I used to be fine w/ it, but lately it's REALLY eating away at me. How can he desire those women, but not me? We're trying to fix R and he said that he'd stop w/ the porn. So, am I way off base here? Is that the right thing to do? I don't want to limit anything that he does, and I feel as though I'm demanding that he can't watch porn. I'm not that type of W, and would never tell him what he can/cannot do. So, poll:
Do you think that masturbating to online porn video/pictures is cheating??
My vote: YES, but only if it interferes w/ the intimacy in a tangible relationship.
Kellie ------ Me - 27 H - 31 S - born 8/18/2007 Married - 4/24/2005 Together - 7/03/2002
I understsand why men like porn - its all over today and too easy to access. But I just dont think it is fair to you especially if he has stopped ML to you. How can you compete? - those women are not the average woman - they are airbrushed, breast enlarged, gymnastic gumbies who do anything. How is that fair to you? What if you got off to some movie stars picture every night and lost interest in him - would he like it? I do think it is cheating because he has stopped ML to you and is focusing on the porn. If if was something you enjoyed together to enhance your M that would be different - if you say it really does not bother you usually maybe you could ask him what he likes about them and what do they do that he would like you to do. THis is all if it does not bother you as long as he is ML to you also - but since it is a problem I think anytime a spouses interests lie elsewhere whether emotionally or physically - yes its cheating. You have every right to be concerned - he might be addicted to it and need help stopping.
[/quote]I think anytime a spouses interests lie elsewhere whether emotionally or physically - yes its cheating. You have every right to be concerned - he might be addicted to it and need help stopping. [quote]
I agree 100% with this it IS cheating and DR book has a chapter on it.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Im sorry hun, I feel your pain.. be there done that, the only difference is my H was still wanting me, so that wasn't a problem. How is your sl? how often? Have you talk to him about it?
Ive been through the mill on this one.. so I want to help you if I can.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
If it interfering with your SL, it's a problem. If he's using it instead of ML to you, when you are willing and available, it's a problem. If he's addicted to it, it's a problem. If you as his wife indicate that it bothers you, and you want him to stop looking at it, then it's a problem if he won't.
If he uses it to fill the gaps between himself as a higher-drive H and a lower-drive W, and the times you do spend together are mutually satisfying, then I don't see a big problem with it.
Choc is spot on, as usual. If he is "gap-filling" that is one thing, but when he is doing it 2-3 times a week and not doing anything with you, a real woman, it is an entire other issue. It is the difference between supplementing and replacing.
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
SL is non-existant. I'm HD and he's LD. Well. . .I say that. I try and he turns me down all the time. Sex w/ us is complicated b/c he gets anxiety and can't stay hard. I've asked why he resorts to porn and he said b/c it's not as complicated. It's just to get off, and no other reason. Ugh. . .
Kellie ------ Me - 27 H - 31 S - born 8/18/2007 Married - 4/24/2005 Together - 7/03/2002
