I am starting this thread as a supportive measure for the LDW on this board. It is partially in response to mrscac's feelings about a negative post directed at her and posts that I have been hurt by as well.
I am sure that LDM feel some of the same things, but I would imagine it is not exactly the same. So, I'm reaching out to other LDW.
Many days, I feel like a failure. If I could take a pill and make it all better, I would. And I tried. I wonder how many HDM would take a pill to lower their libido? None, I assume. Why would they? Why miss out on a stress reliever - on something that brings a couple closer together - on something that makes you feel good.
It does not feel good to sometimes experience an aversion to sex with your partner, either because it is too much work for so little reward or because you're just exhausted or because you feel inferior because you aren't the enthusiastic lover they desire.
I am struggling to end the polarity in my sex drive and my H's. I'm entitled to good sex too. I'm frustrated that it is so hard for me to achieve.
Maybe if I felt raging hormones and strong desire the inhibitions that have developed would go away. But the hormones aren't there. I'm numb.
I'm sure there are LDW who have just given up, but I don't think they are on this board. The LDW here seem to be trying to find their way through the darkness.
Let's support each other. I'm a LDW, and I'm here, and I'm listening.
I've been meaning to ask you about a possible thyroid problem. I believe you mentioned going on and off synthroid? Do you have hypothyroidism? Why were you on and off the med? Hypothyroidism can cause a drop in libido.
I was borderline hypothyroid. I took the synthroid for a year and my thyroid level really dropped so they took me off. Then put me back on. Right now I'm off. I was on a very low dose. It did help my hair and dry skin but did nothing for my libido.
Honestly, the only thing that helped was natural testosterone, but it made me gain about 15 lbs so I stopped. I was able to lose the weight after a few months, but I have another 10 lbs I'd like to lose so that was a frustrating setback too. I don't know if a lower dose of the testosterone might be worth a try. I seem to be very sensitive to steroids.
This is all so hard. Sometimes, I think maybe there is just too much water under the bridge. If we D though, I'm done. I can't imagine ever dating again. So, I try to remember all of the good things about my H, look at my DD, and plod ahead.
cac can tell you all about hypothyroidism, as he has it too. Many GPs don't have the latest information about what the acceptable range for thyroid hormone is. Cac told me that the medical community keeps adjusting the range of acceptable levels, meaning that people who were once considered borderline are now considered hypo.
Have you seen an endocrinologist?
ETA: I also understand the getting to the right level of hormone for some can be tricky.
I started going to a DO because I went to three MD's and none would help me. One put me on an antidepressent! Well...that didn't work because I wasn't depressed! I tried natural progesterone - that did depress me.
My TSH was 2.95. The "new" acceptable range is .5 - 3.0, so I was right there. We tried armour thyroid and synthroid. Neither helped the libido. I can't take a higher dose because I get heart palpitations. I am so darn sensitive to these drugs.
I have not tried an endoc, but after 3 MD's and 1 DO, I don't know if I can stomach another doctor.
You could try something completely different - a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine (DTCM) or a naturopath or herbalist - there's lots of different avenues to explore.
LS, I'd like to make a suggestion: in your posts, you say over and over again "this is so hard," "too much has happened," "I feel so bad," "I'm so stressed," etc.
I'm not disputing the truth of any of these statements, truly I'm not. But telling yourself over and over again how bad things are is not a recipe for making them better. I'm NOT asking you to suck it up and ignore feeling bad. I'm not discounting your suffering. I'm suggesting you alter your self-talk a bit. See if you can skip some of the negative comments. You don't have to replace them with positive comments, just stop telling yourself how bad it is, how bad you are, how awful you feel, how you're broken, etc. When you have those thoughts or want to post those things, just say "STOP!" to yourself and don't do it.
If you heard a little child saying those kinds of things to herself over and over again, wouldn't you suggest that she stop? Are you really doing yourself any good dwelling on everything that's wrong?
Re thyroid: there was someone on here whose wife had some experience with thyroid problems. The doc said she was within normal limits on the chemistry readings, but looking at the symptoms, she was out of balance and SOMETHING helped. Can't remember the details.
LS, take the time to read this article that was posted elsewhere:
If I could take a pill and make it all better, I would. And I tried. I wonder how many HDM would take a pill to lower their libido? None, I assume
why would you assume that?
as a matter of fact, this has been brought up by many HDMs here, usually when lamenting in "woe is me" mode...myself included. Because we DO recognize that the problem isn't any specific amount of "nookie" ...its the discrepancy. "If we can't raise theirs...maybe we can lower ours?! yeah, that's the ticket!!" of course, this goes hand in hand with the "everything is great except the sex" myth, as discussed on another thread. anyway, I call BS to the notion that those "bad old hds wouldn't go to such lengths, cuz they're boys and they have cooties". BS, I say!
thyroid: yeah, you're "in there"...barely. Its interesting that a reproductive endocrinologist would say that "normal" is between .5 and 1.5, and treat anything above that **aggressively** to get it in that range. They know that being above that number will cause recurrent miscarriages. For some strange reason, though, all this cool stuff they know is kept secret from all other MDs of all specialties, like a state-secret, or a stash of WMDs or something. anyway...not to get sidetracked on yet another angry rant...but I totally understand where you're coming from on the "ugh, not another doc thats just gonna blow me off" thing. I feel the same way. tough to get motivated under those circumstances.
Lil - I hear you. I'm usually a positive person. I get caught up in all of this and I do need to "stop." I will try.
Ingrid - the osteopath I'm seeing has tried a variety of naturalist stuff. The natural testosterone was the only thing that seemed to help. I may try a lower dose.
cac - you got it...cannot stomach the idea of another doctor right now. Plus, along the lines of what lil is saying, how much is in my head?
LS, I'm NOT saying it's in your head! Your suffering is real. I'm just saying that dwelling on it is only making you feel worse. (For example, what if I had complained every day about my broken ankle? My ankle was really broken, but dwelling on the inconvenience, etc. would not have made me feel better.)
