It's an interview with a psychotherapist who believes in the value of accepting and listening to our darker emotions. Nothing to do with sex or marriage per se, but I wonder how many of the problems we see on this board result, at least in part, from people being unwilling to face down their own anxieties, anger, and pain, in part because of the societal judgment of "failure" associated with those emotions....
Anyhow, I really enjoyed it.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. . . . This procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not very popular."
James Hollis speaks about this same quote in his book "Why Good People do Bad Things." He writes about our shadow. Shadows are not necessarily "bad" things. Your shadow is a part of yourself that you split from in youth and it's also a part of yourself with which you are NOT comfortable. The shadow is not conscious but it is always there. And, if the shadow is ignored, left unexplored and/or feared, it only gains more power and control in your life. However dealing with it is not a quick fix or easy thing either.
I liked this quote from Miriam Greenspan in the article:
Quote:
Well, the Buddha taught that we increase our suffering through our attempts to avoid it. If we try to escape from a hard grief, for instance, we may develop a serious anxiety disorder or depression, or we may experience a general numbness. It is difficult to live a full life if we haven't grieved our losses. I also think that a lot of our addictions have to do with our inability to tolerate grief and despair. Unrecognized despair can turn into acts of aggression, such as homicide or suicide. The same is true of fear. When we don't have ways to befriend and work with it, fear can turn violent. We see too many examples of this in the world today.
When we suppress and diminish our emotions, we feel deprived. So we watch horror movies or so-called reality shows like Fear Factor. We seek out emotional intensity vicariously, because when we are emotionally numb, we need a great deal of stimulation to feel something, anything. So emotional pornography provides the stimulation, but it's only ersatz emotion - it doesn't teach us anything about ourselves or the world.
There are some authors that write about similar Jungian concepts. James Hollis and Carol Pearson come to mind. Both are Jungian psychologists. Hollis' "Middle Passages" and "Why Good People do Bad Things" are great explorations of the creation of our individual shadows, how they manifest themselves and how to handle them. The latter book contained these paragraphs:
Quote:
Of the many concepts Jung articulated few if any are richer than his idea of the Shadow. Expressed in its most functional way, the Shadow is composed of all the aspects of ourselves that have a tendency to make us uncomfortable with ourselves. The shadow is not just what is unconscious, it is what discomforts the sense of self we wish to have. James Hollis
Quote:
If it had been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of all evil, it can be ascertained on closer investigation that the unconscious man, that is, his shadow does not consist only of morally reprehensible tendencies, but also displays a number of good qualities, such as normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, creative impulses, etc. C.G. Jung
These descriptions about the Shadow really helped me to better understand my own issues. The idea that the shadow is not necessarily "bad" was interesting.
Pearson's "Awakening the Heroes within: Twelve Archetypes to Help us find ourselves and Transform the World" is in some ways a more in-depth Jungian way of looking at Mojo's zoo analogy (expanding the definitions past sexual behavior!). The twelve archetypes are explained thoroughly. The "goal" or work being integration of all the archetypes. There is an explanation of the stages we go through and why certain archetypes might be more prevalent and different times in our lives. Also there are explanation of what we need to do to progress to deeper, healthier levels of each archetype.
See her website for more information if you're interested: Hero Within
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
"What you resist persists."
"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
Some of my other favorite C.G. Jung quotes. I especially like the last one. It seems especially applicable on this forum - for HDs and LDs. Condemning someone else's feelings does seem like a form of oppression to me. And it also does not help a person to free themselves of the feelings.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
No, condemnation causes us to cling more firmly to the feelings, usually, under the delusion that it is *ourselves* being attacked. Anything that triggers an automatic defense mechanism can't be helpful.
This made me stop dead in my tracks: "The same is true for fear. We think of fear as an emotion that constricts us and keeps us from living fully. But I think it's really the fear of fear that does this. When we are able to tolerate fear, and to experience it consciously, we learn not to be so afraid of it -- and this gives us the freedom to live with courage and enjoy life more fully. This is the alchemy of fear to joy."
I have had an enduring relationship with fear ... paranoid, borderline (probably over the line) pathological fear since quite early childhood. Although this had moderated much in recent years, I have a long-standing habit of considering fear the ultimate enemy. It never even occured to me that the true enemy was the fear of fear, the rejection and refusal of the emotion rather than learning to live and function in its presence. The problem was, too, when I demonised fear, I demonised all fear ... not just the irrational terrors, but normal fear associated with doing new and challenging things, etc. Naturally, my attempt was to try to minimize such anxieties .... I was in danger of going down the same road as Solid M's wife, imprisoning myself within an ever-dwindling comfort zone.
If you will allow me to be *extremely* geeky for a moment (yes, I find wisdom and inspiration in scifi; wanna make something of it? grin), I was missing the point of Frank Herbert's famous Litany: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." I was so focused on the beginning, I missed the essential steps of facing and processing....
My, I wax pseudo-philosophical when I really should be sleeping ....
However, I have to admit, "We have nothing to fear but the fear of fear itself" doesn't have *quite* the same ring; grin.
Enough meandering. I see that I will have to read some James Hollis. So thank *you* in return.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
