Has anyone been married to a lazy boring truck driver? Did you find them to be selfish and self-centered. I am really planning to leave my husband with the the young three kids and all. I am going thru menopause, I had two miscarriages in two years, lost my job becuase he never is home and I have no backup childcare, plus we are bankrupt, about to lose car, home, everything and only get crumbs for welfare. How emabarssing is that? I am well I thought I was an able bodied person who could think and work, take care of my self . Lately I am so exhausted from the bills, the struggle, the arguing, the lack of desire to care about ANYTHING. I just want out. If I could save more than a dime, I would have split a long time ago. All he cares about is driving; wont learn another trade or even consider another job. I am not going to be overweight, sick lonely and hurt by his cold heartness anymore. The second I get employed, I am finding my own place, and buying a reliable car. Any helpful hints?
Hi BG- sorry you're in such a bad spot. It sounds rough.
This BB is generally for people who are in marriages that they want to stay in, but their major problem is a mismatch of desire levels between the spouses. You might find another forum within the Divorcebusting site with people closer to your sitch.
But I will give you this helpful hint: you cannot change another person. And that's okay, because most of the time you can reach a resolution of some kind if you work on yourself. And that DOESN'T mean getting used to a sh!tty situation-- it means understanding that your discontent and misery are under your control. If you make your peace of mind dependent on another's behavior, you'll always be at the mercy of their whims, kwim?
That's not to say that there's an esay fix for you. You sound depressed (and with good reason). Are you talking to anyone about this? A therapist or counselor? If your H is in a union, chances are you have good health insurance. If every time your H comes home, you are miserable and complaining about how bad you feel, well... it would make a guy want to stay away. Again: not discounting your pain, but that's just common sense.
Can you see this as your problem TOGETHER and not just YOUR problem alone? Do you really think he's happy being on the road away from you all the time? Don't you think that in his heart he would rather be at home in a fairly happy home just as you would prefer?
This is a troublesome situation... you do need help, probably more than you can get from a bulletin board. Like I said, look over the titles of the forums and see if there's one that matches you better (not that you're not welcome here-- you are-- it's just that most of us are in a different place).
Maybe when the rest of the BB wakes up, someone else will have some comments. Best wishes.
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. WE WENT TO DO OUR TAXES TODAY AND HE OWES TE IRS 9000.00 FOR HIS STUPID JOB. NOW I DONT GET A REFUND EITHER AND WE NEEDED THAT MONEY TO PAY OUR RENT BEFORE WE GET EVICTED AND RELOCATE SOTHAT I CAN START MY JOB NEXT WEEK OUT OF STATE. I GUESS I GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS AND SPLIT. EVEN IF I HAVE TO HITCHHIKE. I HATE HIM.
plus we are bankrupt, about to lose car, home, everything and only get crumbs for welfare........ I am not going to be overweight, sick lonely and hurt by his cold heartness anymore.
Crumbs for welfare....overweight??????? No, IC...don't go there....that's it, concentrate on your card game...good boy!
Thanks Lil, I'm not really back yet. From what they say, I'm getting closer to going home. I don't know if I'm getting better...or if the health insurance is running out
Blackgoat, I'm really sorry about my earlier post. You came on here seeking advice and my comment was out of line...sorry!
