My MLC W displayed some strange behavior last night that I haven't seen explained anywhere.
Maybe you guys can help me.
Things have been going a little better between us. We're actually talking like a normal married couple, went out to dinner a couple of nights ago...all-in-all, things were looking up a bit.
So last night, we were chatting in the kitchen and she was standing in front of the sink. I needed to put some garbage in the cabinet below so I gave her a gentle little love-pat on her rear end and said "excuse me hon...".
She was absolutely irate because I touched her.
WTF is this?
Of course, she hasn't shown me any physical affection for months, but still, I wasn't expecting this reaction.
I kept my cool and just brushed it off...smiled and said a quick "Ooops...my bad...sorry!" and went about my business like nothing happened. I could feel her glaring at me.
Is this some weird MLC behavior that I just haven't seen described? Is it because she's starting to feel emotionally closer to me, and she's fighting it?
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
That is a good question. I haven't run into this yet with my MLC/WAH so if anyone has any good ideas I can't wait to hear them as I am sure at some point I will wind up touching my H and he may react this way.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
A few months after I found out about the A, and when my H was in the anger stage, he could not stand it if I touched him.
I will never forget one night in bed, my foot accidentally brushed up against his and he had a cow. He asked me if I was mental, what was I doing, stay on my side of the bed (which I was).
He did this a few times and I eventually ignored the comments and tried not to touch him at all.
It's a weird MLC thing which I really don't know how to explain.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
While I'm not aware of an A, my H doesn't touch me and does not like to be touched. He doesn't freak like these other examples, but he stiffens up and it's crystal clear.
I like the idea of cooties, makes me feel like I have company
I kept my cool and just brushed it off...smiled and said a quick "Ooops...my bad...sorry!" and went about my business like nothing happened.
Bomb, you've been doing real good but it's time to crank it up a notch.
The only area that I can see improvement is to stop apologizing for being a man and quit tip toeing around the egg shells.
You did the right thing by giving her a love-pat on her ass and saying what you said.
In that moment, you showed her you were a strong, confident and cheeky man. She challenged you on it and you crumpled by apologizing. You should have laughed off any objection she had.
I suspect that the major reasons why DB success rates for men are so poor is because DBing puts men on the defensive at a time when they should be on the offensive and their mission should be to reclaim their role as the man.
Women DBers can afford to go on the defensive and apologize for their shortcomings and gain respect for doing so. That doesn't work for men and the opposite occurs.
Scooter, thanks for the feedback man. You're right. I will say though, that I didn't exactly crumple. I actually kinda smiled and chuckled when I said it.
Unfortunately, I did go on the offensive last month...and it cost me, dearly. Definitely made things worse...huge setback.
E...think you're right...it's a guilt thing methinks. Or maybe, like I theorized, she's not ready to give in to me and give up the wacko life that she thinks will make her happy.
The pain of this...so intense. If there really is a hell, I think this is what it must be like. No fiery furnace...just the loss of love you once had. That's enough to incite the most exquisite anguish.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Nothing to comment on the question you posed but just wanted to apologise about not being around. Have just about finished all my tax work but have then ended flat on my back as my neck 'went' again. On more pain meds now so a bit more up and about today. I will try to get to emailing you later, (think it's all working now) - just depends on my Osteo appointment etc.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I got some of that in the beginning and think it was several things going on.
1 General anger. How dare you touch her after all you've done to make her life miserable!
2 Inner conflict. I "tricked" (according to her) mine into returning a kiss a couple of times since bomb. She was visibly disturbed. They're conflicted and they know it,have decided what they're doing is the "right thing" and are upset when something, especially that they do, shows them otherwise.
My W and I made the most incredible love to one another just weeks before the bomb. Rare, incredibly hot sexually, but more than just sex as we connected at the same time and were so much "in sinc." We talked about it at the time, but of course when I reminded her of it at bomb she said it was only sex, nothing more. I've read of another LBS who experienced something similar on these boards.
These mclers could rewrite the bible. Come to think of it they probably already have in their minds.
Last edited by sleeper; 01/24/0812:16 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Saffie, no worries. I knew you were busy. Talk to you later.
Sleep, I agree with you on both counts...probably a combination of anger and conflict.
I'm feeling a lot of pain and fear right now, so this will be a long vent...sorry.
Sleep, the similarities continue to amaze me. A year ago this month, right before we really started to slide into MLCland, we had a night of extraordinary passion. Truly memorable. Later, when I brought that up, she told me it was just a "pity f__k", which, of course, crushed me at the time. And unfortunately, that night is just another one of those excruciatingly painful pictures I can't seem to get out of my head.
You mentioned on your last post on your thread that you were paralyzed by fear at one time. I think I'm at that stage right now. I hope it ends soon. It's all I think about during the day...over and over. I can't seem to create any pictures in my head that depict me living a happy life as a single man again.
Even though things are going very smoothly with us right now, I just have this sense of impending doom. I can't find any optimism to carry me through a day. I wake up at three am and watch the clock, dreading another day filled with sadness, fear, and uncertainty. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
As an aside, my barber went through a divorce a few years ago. He had several clients who were "mental health professionals". When he was going through his divorce, he said he kept asking them about the symptoms of a nervous breakdown, because he was pretty sure he was having one.
I feel some resentment, too, for the amount of power I've allowed her to wield over my feelings. I've allowed her behavior to create these miserable emotions in me. Maybe some cognitive therapy would help. And until then, I'm going to beg the doc for some pills.
Ha. Here I am, the guy who in the past wouldn't even take aspirin for a headache, about to beg a doc for something that will turn me into a zombie...
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
