I know this isn't exactly the sex starved this forum was designed for but I felt this the best place to post this.
Our marriage was never sex starved however now that H is gone I am having a tough time without the sex from him. To bring folks up to speed that don't know my story...H in major MLC, left 3 days before Xmas saying the ILYBNILWY garbage and that he needs to go experience the life he had always wanted but never had with me for the 15 years we were married. We are still very civil, almost like super friends and yes I backslide at times and get clingy and needy and have finally realized I HAVE to STOP as it really DOES push him away more. Now onto the sex part...
...intimacy is a HUGE part of all marriages. I desire so much to be intimate with him right now and miss that closeness and bonding. So much so that I have asked him twice if we could and his response is always, "Will you stop!" Please someone out there help me to figure out ways to be able to work past this intense need to be intimate with him so I am not asking him for that intimacy. And it is so very hard whenever I see him to contain myself and I see him 2-3 times a week as we have 2 kids that he still comes to see and spend time with. I can't even be near him to smell him without wanting to BE with him!!!
Yes, maybe TOO MUCH INFO. but please help me figure this one out. I am sure I am not the only spouse here that feels or has felt this way.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
So much so that I have asked him twice if we could and his response is always, "Will you stop!"
When your H says this to you, how does it make you feel? To some women (like myself) I would probably walk through fire before he would ever hear me ask him again! He has left you sweetie and you can't be showing this kind of neediness toward him.....as you now see. It simply turns him completely off! You sound like a woman who must be extremly senual and a probably can't get enough affection. I have known some women like that and I wish I was turned more that way.
I don't know what to tell you other than try to take care of your sex needs by MB. As far as the bonding, you need something to show affection to. Children, old people, and even pets can be an avenue to give some of that love. I know this isn't what you were talking about, but you need to stay busy and you need warm bodies to touch and hold and pet. So, get involved in situations that place you in contact with others that need attention and affection.....like the elderly. Don't shake your head, at least it is better than sitting at home crying for somebody that doesn't want you to touch them.
My advice may sound shallow, but I haven't been in your shoes, so I don't really know how to help you. I was just trying to think of something you could do to keep your mind busy and put some of that affection to good use. Hopefully, somebody that is going through or has been through what you are experiencing can help you with advice. I read one poster who said she was fighting to keep her pet dog so she would have something to cuddle to at night. It isn't the same as having a husband, but it is a warm being that you can hold.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that we are reading your post. Others may be like myself and not really know what to say to help, but we are here to listen when you need us.
Take care of yourself and stay strong.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Good ideas and thanks. Yes I am am a very sensual and affectionate person with H at least. So I suppose I will take care of things myself for now...lol. When he says what he says about, "Will you stop!", it makes me feel like I must be repulsing him and then I think poorly of myself so I decided to stop asking and see what happens. Funny thing is that when we were together while I was the sexual one it never consisted of cuddling afterwards which he always wanted and I didn't. Hence little things like that I look back on now and realize that those types of things may/probably did have a hand in our current situation.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
When he says what he says about, "Will you stop!", it makes me feel like I must be repulsing him and then I think poorly of myself so I decided to stop asking and see what happens.
This is why you must stop doing this. If something makes you feel bad, stop doing it. As far as seeing what happens... I suggest you turn your attention away from him, unless you see honest-to-goodness interest. He knows where you are and that you are interested. To keep putting yourself out there and getting rejected is painful... and you need to stop hurting yourself.
Sandi gave you good advice.
I have an affirmation card on my desk that says: "I surround myself with people who care about me." Think about it: why would you want to be around someone who is being unkind to you and rejecting what you are offering? Think about the other people in your life who care about you, or about friends that you could become closer to and be around THOSE people-- people who appreciate you and show that they care. Believe me, I've had to learn this lesson, too.
