In stabilization mode!

[whatisis]

I just got back from picking up the kids at W's (I was asked to stay for lunch btw) and we had a really good talk with D14 about her school issue and our separation. D14 said that "in all honesty, I was relieved when you guys separated. There was no more fighting and screaming between you. Now, things seem a lot better" She began to cry when we mentioned the possiblity of getting counselling, "why does everyone think I need counselling!" We reassured her that we don't necessarily think that BUT it is available if she feels she wants it. We assured her that she could always talk to us too. I told her that I sometimes go to a Psychologist to talk and it's OK to do that.I also told her that sometimes I too just sit down and cry, without always knowing why. That's OK too. Of course, W had nothing to say about this "feeling" stuff except "let's not over psychologize here". Little steps, little steps!
So, all in all it went well. We talked for about 45 minutes, we invited D10 to join us once the school issue was discussed, but she giggled and said she didn't want to talk about this right now. OK, there's always another time. We just want them to feel that "another time" is always available. Hey, during the discussion W actually said "your father is making a good point" OMG, small miracles!
fish, the one thing you learn in these sitches is that the only person you can control is yourself, if we could make our S's behave the way we want we wouldn't be on the DB site in the first place! All you can do is encourage your D to tell mom how she feels, you continue to listen and be loving and encourage your Mom to do the same. That's the best I can give ya!

[BeingMe]

I am so glad to hear how well your dad is doing, Wii! Super news! And, the talk with D14 seems to have gone well, and isn't that D10 such a cutey ... giggling about all this serious talk! You have much to be grateful for, despite separation, but I can tell you know that, 'eh!

Take care.

[NewHorizons]

Hej WII!

Glad the weekend went well. Looks like you're doing really nicely with the co-parenting and issue handling. I always love it when counselors even think "let's not over psychologise".

NH

[whatisis]

OK new day, new dilema. Yesterday evening I shared some pictures of my D10's gymnastics meet with a woman I know from aerobics, she used to be a gymnast and for the past year we chat before class frequently. I told her D's next Meet was in two weeks and she told me she would like to join us, if that was OK with me and D10. I said it was OK with me and I'd check with D10, who said it was fine "as long as she doesn't talk to me before the Meet, I need to concentrate". Now, it just occurred to me, what do I tell my W who will be there with us? Do I just tell her a friend of mine will be joining us with no other qualification? I mean, my friendship with this woman really is none of her business and nothing is going on but W might also feel uncomfortable not knowing we're "just friends". It's funny because W is the one who told me in re to Coffee Buddy "you two can call yourselves "friends", but I think we all know where this is heading" So if I tell her we're "friends", big deal, she won't necessarily believe it. What to do? Oh, and I will be keeping my eyes open on this one, I know it could become one of those weird situations I seem to get myself into! Who the heck knows. I have no designs on this woman. Any thoughts on what to tell W?

[minkerman]

Honestly? I would refrain from anything that will put fuel on W's fire.

Keep it clean, friends or not. Then she has nothing to justify any negative feelings.

Just MHO.....

[oldtimer]

Uhhh, the first thing to do is to tell your date that your wife will be there, and see if she is still interested in going.

And remember, your W's skepticism about you and CB was well-placed, she was not out in left field.

[whatisis]

OT, you are correct about CB but the reason W was skeptical was because I was honest with her about that situation. I told her I had warm feelings for CB and was very confused by that. My question right now is does W have the right to know what my situation with this woman is? If I say I have a friend who wants to join us is that not sufficient? Why should I bend over backwards to make sure W knows it's just a friend, it's none of her business. Btw, she's not my "date" and if I thought that was the case she wouldn't be coming! My children would not be meeting someone I'm dating (and I'm not) this quickly. I mentioned to my friend that we still attend these Meets as a family and she was welcome to join us. I think that's clear enough (I hope anyway!). She also suggested she come to this one because she lives near where the Meet is being held, so it's no problem for her to pop over. I don't feel that she wants anything else but I'm apparently a complete moron when it comes to this kind of thing, so who knows.
Minkerman, I really have no idea whether W would care one way or the other, so I don't know whether it would light a fire or not. Now, if she cares enough to ask about this person I will certainly be honest with her, there's nothing to hide but I just don't think I should feel obligated to inform her of the significance of certain people in my life anymore without being asked.

[attorneytom]

Well.. that is all there is , eh ?

At some point here wii I think she will want YOU home. As we used to say in the Scouts.. Be Prepared !

Just Me.

Tom

[whatisis]

Tom, Tom, Tom...in all honesty, I don't think she will. When my W makes up her mind it's made up. I can't imagine her pride allowing her to want me back! But, I guess, stranger things have been known to happen. I just don't feel I owe her any unsolicited explanations anymore, my life is my life!
Btw, that is all there is with this woman, I'm not looking for anything else.

[whatisis]

Hey, speaking of strange things, I ran into OSB today and she was so happy, she said "Whatis,Whatis, my plants, they're still alive and they're growing!" I asked her how she pulled that off and she said "I have no idea, I'm just so glad they're alive, yet at the same time, I still hate them with a passion" I was thinking the same thing about my ex! Oh well, I guess if the plants can make it...ahh forget it!