Can someone with more experience help out with advice? My WAW and I separated two weeks ago and I have almost blown it three times by begging her to reconsider. I have seen on these boards that patience is a virtue but how do you hold it together when hurting so badly? I understand that giving a WAW space is exactly the right thing to do but how do you actually go about doing it?
This is so hard. Me-47 H-48 M-22 T-25 S-19 S-17 8/07 EA? 10/07 ILYBNILWY 11/07 D Filed
I am having trouble with this as well. I totally found out the other night just how bad begging and crying is. As soon as I started in, he literally ran out the door. So I have made up my mind to stop the crying in front of him. I have plenty of time to do that during my alone time. It is important to keep crying and screaming, because you have to let the hurt out somehow. I just can't stand how much this all hurts.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
I almost did it again tonight-we were together at our sons swim meet. It was all I could do to not begin pleading with her. I did manage to leave before she did, exactly like it says in the book. I think that may have her wondering a little bit.
One step foraward, two steps back.
Thanks for the link to old timers post-some real wisdom there.
Rockdog, hang in there buddy. You and I are in the same boat, except no D talk. I want to beg and plead and tell her it'll all be OK...we've been through soooo much together. But I smile and detach like the book says. This really is hard, isn't it?
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
I am still trying to detach....but it is so hard! I miss my H so badly. I just want him to be with me right now.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
My h and I were seperated for 5 months and are in the process of him moving back in right now. And the biggest thing I did was have patience. LOTS and LOTS of it. You have to try and become numb when they are around. No R talk, no crying and no pushing for answers. The WAS needs to know that you don't need them. It puts to much pressure on them. You can want them but no needing.
Make sure you validate their feelings when they get into any kind of feelings talk, but do not offer solutions. The less you help the more they have to look at themselves. It is a big part of the whole process. Once you stop and back away from the sitch the less they can place blame on you. What I'm trying to say is if you are crying when they are around you are giving them a reason to leave. The fault will be put on you. If you are happy when they are around they need to find there own reason to leave. It makes them look at themselves and makes them start to think about what is going on in there head. It is very easy to put blame on someone else then take a look at yourself. Don't give them that.
Besides, as hard as it is you need to GAL. You need to be happy. Life will get better and it does get easier. Read and re-read the DR. Use what works. I wish you the best. Keep posting and vent here. There is lots of good advice from the people here.
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
My h and I were seperated for 5 months and are in the process of him moving back in right now. And the biggest thing I did was have patience. LOTS and LOTS of it. You have to try and become numb when they are around. No R talk, no crying and no pushing for answers. The WAS needs to know that you don't need them. It puts to much pressure on them. You can want them but no needing.
Make sure you validate their feelings when they get into any kind of feelings talk, but do not offer solutions. The less you help the more they have to look at themselves. It is a big part of the whole process. Once you stop and back away from the sitch the less they can place blame on you. What I'm trying to say is if you are crying when they are around you are giving them a reason to leave. The fault will be put on you. If you are happy when they are around they need to find there own reason to leave. It makes them look at themselves and makes them start to think about what is going on in there head. It is very easy to put blame on someone else then take a look at yourself. Don't give them that.
Besides, as hard as it is you need to GAL. You need to be happy. Life will get better and it does get easier. Read and re-read the DR. Use what works. I wish you the best. Keep posting and vent here. There is lots of good advice from the people here.
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
